And The Children Shall Lead...

[Qonundrum]

Warning, post contains spoilers despite the fact there's nothing in this episode worth saving any excitement for.

So I sat through this episode, having asked myself "Why do so many people dislike this one?"

Well...

Well, actually I'll start with the good points since I don't want to come across as Eeyore's twin brother.

* Every time a kid fistbumps and the adults go wonky, it's eerie and successful in winding up the viewer over their commandeering the ship and its crew
* Spock figures out the mind control and gives himself a mind meld of sorts to shield himself from what the delightful little, gaudily-dressed tykes are doing
* the beam-out of security guards into outer space, on the face of it, is pretty chilling (season 3 sometimes did do bigger and more daring things)
* the kids, when using their fistbumping fisticuffs to mind control and in other scenes, do rather a great job with the angry facial expressions. Especially the tallest guy and the girl, who got the most screen time.
* nice restoration of the 35mm film of the swords Sulu sees
* Spock's friendship with and loyalty toward Kirk is definitely on display.
* nice CGI of when the monitor in the transporter room is turned on and they show a faster moving starfield compared to the original.
* Also on the plus side, "Plato's Stepchildren", "Day of the Dove", etc, take the same basic premise of mindraping the crew to exploit them are done so much more effectively. (Yes, I'm one of three people who likes "Plato's Stepchildren" and am looking forward to revisiting it later on.)

Now for what's wrong with it (this is long):

* it's not well-explained how the kids, who saw their parents all kill themselves horrifically and weren't bothered, all of a sudden feel emotional impact because Kirk talks to them and shows it on a monitor screen.
* who summoned the other three kids to the bridge at the end? And why? To stage a Cry-In?
* the kids' outfits are atrocious. Especially the oldest boy, where if the colors were changed from blue/green to orange/brown he'd look like an escaped prisoner from jail circa 1976, the only thing missing is some music from Diana Ross. At least the girl's floral outfit doesn't make her look like a caricature requiring 900mcg of LSD to appreciate. Must be Misandry Day(tm) on the ship. Note that 80 years later, the holiday is changed into Captain Picard Day(tm).
* the beam-out into outer space. Let's think about this for 27 hundredths of a second: If the controls are set to manual, there would be no safeguards. But surely the panel has some sort of geospatial system mapped to the planet in real time and would show there's no planet.
* Worse, nobody talks about the two scatterbrained (and scatterbodied) security at the end. My humor is both sardonic and poorly constructed, but I just mentioned infinitely more concern about anyone in that story! UGH!!
* not many crew are shown in this episode compared to others - even for season 3's standards. Kirk didn't beam them all into outer space without realizing it?
* That flag. Seriously. "UFP" with shiny silver spangle stars donated from a country western signer on a red background. Which effects firm got the task of making that? Burbank Area Middle School for a 6th grade project?
* How come nobody shoots phasers at the kids? All evil in the galaxy could take over with ease if we just ignore demon-possessed children flagrantly showing callous disregard for people and property. So far, Kirk's batting 0 in this episode.
* The Gorgan wears a shower curtain with hippie flowers on it. Subliminal messaging much?
* I'll take it for granted that Chekov and security guards that were put into the detention center (is "brig" now too harsh a word because kids are on board, even if they are possessed by Rosemary's babies?) were released and told what was going on? How long were they in the brig, the children's grasp on them faded, and they start wondering why they're stuck in there?
* Worst of all, by far: A semi-decent premise, that of using the crew's subconscious fears against them as demons/beasts/supernatural things by an alien entity, is limited to the following epic moments:
a) Sulu afraid of being sliced (which almost works)
b) Uhura growing old (complete with seeing imaginary mirror)
c) Scotty's delicate instrument may stop working if touched
d) Chekov just hating it when everyone else breaks the rules

Check that. Chekov's new seriousness throughout season 3 is rather better than the constant campydance of "It's a Wussian Inwention. By an owd wady in Wenningwad, no wess. We ewen inwented nucwear wessels in Awameeda." in season 2 as backhanded insults against then-Cold War Russia. But checking the check on that, Chekov in this case is being amplified with traits that are not his fear-based demons but traits he keeps at the forefront. Even to his space hippie friend in a later episode. I suppose it could go either way, the same trait having both positive and negative aspects. Chekov was clearly antagonistic toward Kirk in a way that's well beyond his usual demeanor...

e) Spock feeling bothered about having to contact Starfleet, because... he has no subconscious "demons" of the sort he's never once talked of before at all during the course of the series (or even after this episode, like in "Day of the Dove". Whoops.) If the kiddies can mind-rape everyone else to exploit these things, Spock should be a freakin' goldmine.

* the scenes where the children mentally assault the adults with their supernatural fisting abilities all happen well after the kids are brought on ship, fed ice cream in gigantic bowls, then run around all hyper as if anyone should be surprised by that. Most people watching would have turned off the set by the time they hear the word "wobble" so they would never get the reward of watching kids mind control the officers by moving their clenched fists up and down.
* Honestly, once Gorgon there is summoned by Kirk, the episode doesn't even bother concealing the fact it's coasting to the end of the episode. At warp speed.
* Marcus 12 sounds like the name of a movie theater complex. Actually, a transcript calls it "Marcos". Same problem exists, there are Marcos theater complexes as well. Now if only a Marcus 18 was placed next to a Macros 18, and watch the GPS blow up in confusion.
* The wig Majel Barrett has to wear, especially with a full-screen close-up, looks more hideous than usual
* Gorgan's lines almost seem poetic with rhyming words at times, I suppose. If not then the lines should have been for quite the macabre effect. Now it's already common knowledge, but I'll say it anyway - Melvin Belli makes the lines sound like a TV commercial for lawyer services. Then read up on his being an accomplished lawyer. And playing a bad guy in this episode, no less. Was there an ulterior reason for him being hired to make a weird association that lawyers are bad or something?! The bottom of the barrel is clearly when he acts "If you need me, call and I will appear." as if they're separate sentences. "If you need me, call. And I will appear" being the result.
* And most importantly by far, bar none: What the heck is "wobble" in that "chocolate wobble pistachio - oh, with peaches" dessert? I did some research, and for Gorgon's sake please don't ask me why, and there's no such thing as "wobble". Being 1969, is "wobble" a euphemism for "LSD"? Makes sense in that regard, at least pertaining to how tuned out the script is, I suppose... But even by then LSD was illegal and the show is aimed at kids. So maybe "Wobble" about alcohol, like "Ripple" or "Muscatel"? There we go. A shot of that and then the consumer of devouring that foul-sounding concoction would be doing much wobble... and would not be allowed to drive either. Thankfully they're all under 16, except the tall redheaded bloke?(That's also probably why I don't do ID checks for a living...)
* all that and, let's face it, all of TNG's children-centric episodes are all far more watchable than this 51 minute exercise in futility

An episode with premise having potential but squandered yet has superficially entertaining moments is one thing. Compared to other season 3 entries, even the bizarre handling of "The Mark of Gideon"'s noteworthy concepts (a decent story encumbered by having near-zero budget) is far more engaging. Nothing comes remotely close to just how awful "And The Children Shall Lead" in terms of being bland, tacky, inconsequential, boring, not beginning to live up to its potential, a lazy cheat of a denouement, etc. And it ain't peachy, but watching it will make you wobble. Then you'll need to see Counselor Troi, who'll feed on chocolate during the session. Then you'll want to watch the Naked Gun movie to appreciate Frank Drebin's pistachio-binge all that much more...

I'll re-watch "Spock's Brain" another 500 times before trying to get through the fistbumping fetish this episode offers.

And if you want to watch a TV show involving a Gorgon, may I suggest "Quark" instead? That one's actually funny for all the right reasons.

 

[Kor]

"Chocolate wobble" sounds vaguely like the sort of name that would have been given to a commercial product of the later 1960s, so it could have sound quite contemporary to audiences of the time.

Memory Alpha doesn't have much to say on the matter, in case anyone was wondering:
http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Chocolate_wobble

Kor

 

[Maurice]

Effects firms typically don't make props like flags. Especially in that era. Different unions.

 

[Qonundrum]

"Chocolate wobble" sounds vaguely like the sort of name that would have been given to a commercial product of the later 1960s, so it could have sound quite contemporary to audiences of the time.

Memory Alpha doesn't have much to say on the matter, in case anyone was wondering:
http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Chocolate_wobble

Kor

Thanks for the info and link! Wish I had seen it, but I still stand by my silly delivery of that paragraph.

The closest thing I could find was: https://www.sweetnessandlight.com/wobbles-p-135.html

"Wobble", referring to marshmallow bits - like an analogue for "rocky road ice cream", perhaps? I'd wobble over to eat some of that... eat too much and I really would wobble!

Effects firms typically don't make props like flags. Especially in that era. Different unions.

D'oh! Good point! My absurd comment still remains though I'll direct my camp at the relevant division. (And being season 3 TOS, even early on, regardless of budget, after the cancellation/write-in revival, I suspect they would have done only what was technically necessary. I'll concede the font/typeface used for the lettering was cool... but it's so banal, which means - in a perverse sort of way - it fits into the tone of the episode just as well.

 

[Kor]

I'm envisioning a Mad Men episode about a whole advertising campaign for Chocolate wobble... and nobody knows what the stuff is supposed to be!

Kor

 

[alchemist]

* The Gorgan wears a shower curtain with hippie flowers on it. Subliminal messaging much?

* Gorgan's lines almost seem poetic with rhyming words at times, I suppose.

As an FYI, the name of the alien, as identified in the script, is "Gorgan." In contrast, a female mythological creature from Greek culture is "a Gorgon." In "ATCSL," when Shatner refers to the alien in the fourth act, he actually blows his line and says "the Gorgon" instead of the scripted line ("Gorgan") which refers to it's proper name. And the other references to the alien's name, in the deleted scenes, refer to "Gorgan" -- that is, they don't refer to it as "the Gorgon."

Thanks, I'll step away from the podium now...

 

[Mad Jack Wolfe]

The biggest problem "And the Children Shall Lead" has is that it's a 51-minute episode that drags on 65 minutes too long.

 

[Maurice]

What? Shatner mispronounce something? Say it ain't so!

 

[ZapBrannigan]

A famous anecdote from the set of "And the Children Shall Lead" is that a cast member didn't like the script, and Fred Freiberger supposedly retorted, "This episode is going to be what 'Miri' should have been!"

And that didn't sit well, because "Miri" was a cast favorite that had included a bunch of their own children.

Regardless, I put "Children" dead last: my 81st favorite episode (counting "The Cage" and both versions of "Where No Man").

 

[Harvey]

A famous anecdote from the set of "And the Children Shall Lead" is that a cast member didn't like the script, and Fred Freiberger supposedly retorted, "This episode is going to be what 'Miri' should have been!"

And that didn't sit well, because "Miri" was a cast favorite that had included a bunch of their own children.

I’ll be the one to obnoxiously ask this time — source?

 

[ZapBrannigan]

I’ll be the one to obnoxiously ask this time — source?

I read this either in Star Trek Lives! (Lichtenberg, Marshak, Winston) or one of David Gerrold's books (The Trouble with Tribbles or The World of Star Trek). Don't know which.

In the 1970s, it was pretty much those books, Starlog magazine, The Making of Star Trek, and the prefaces and footnotes in James Blish that stood in for the Internet in my little world of Star Trek.

Come to think of it, David Gerrold was the biggest hater of Fred Freiberger (and worshipper of Gene Roddenberry), so it was probably from him. Either in his books or his Starlog column.

 

[Timo]

As an FYI, the name of the alien, as identified in the script, is "Gorgan." In contrast, a female mythological creature from Greek culture is "a Gorgon." In "ATCSL," when Shatner refers to the alien in the fourth act, he actually blows his line and says "the Gorgon" instead of the scripted line ("Gorgan") which refers to it's proper name. And the other references to the alien's name, in the deleted scenes, refer to "Gorgan" -- that is, they don't refer to it as "the Gorgon."

Thanks, I'll step away from the podium now...

Great, bye, and HELLO FOLKS! Thank you, thank you, glad to be here again. Now, let's get to the real issue at hand...

The alien is named "Gorgon" or "Gorgan" or whatever - by Captain Kirk. That is, he doesn't bother asking the alien itself what it would prefer to be called! Supposedly, then, he's applying the name because he thinks it fits.

1) Does this mean he thinks the alien is a gorgon? And does this then mean he thinks the alien has medusa-like qualities, such as the ability to turn people to stone with its gaze?

2) Or does he perhaps think that gorgons have the qualities we see in the alien?

3) Or does this mean he thinks the alien is a gorgan? Perhaps the qualities portrayed are a good match for those of a gorgan, whatever that is.

I think the episode might have been enhanced by the alien indeed being female - perhaps a sweet grandmother figure with a soft tone of voice and a scent of fresly baked bunnies accompanying her every manifestation...

Timo Saloniemi

 

[Commander Luskeen]

Worst episode ever. No offense

 

[Phaser Two]

This one has a lot of problems. As a big Scotty fan, one of the things that bothers me about it is that Scotty is controlled by the kids - he's almost always immune to anything taking over the ship and affecting the crew, which was something Star Trek V got right.

However, masturbahonks and Shatner's two freakouts - which I maintain had to be because he didn't like the idea of Kirk losing control and therefore decided to tank it by making it utterly ridiculous - aside, this isn't a bad episode, really. It's genuinely scary at times. Belli's performance has never much bothered me as it seems to bother everyone else. The kids are good actors. If the honks were cut out and a couple of plot points and the dialogue were sharpened, this would actually challenge for a top-50 spot. As it is I find it more enjoyable than several other eps.

 

[Commishsleer]

I read this either in Star Trek Lives! (Lichtenberg, Marshak, Winston) or one of David Gerrold's books (The Trouble with Tribbles or The World of Star Trek). Don't know which.

In the 1970s, it was pretty much those books, Starlog magazine, The Making of Star Trek, and the prefaces and footnotes in James Blish that stood in for the Internet in my little world of Star Trek.

Come to think of it, David Gerrold was the biggest hater of Fred Freiberger (and worshipper of Gene Roddenberry), so it was probably from him. Either in his books or his Starlog column.

Wikipedia say it comes from "Star Trek Lives" ,

 

[ZapBrannigan]

Wikipedia say it comes from "Star Trek Lives" ,

Found it. Thanks!

 

[Kor]

...3) Or does this mean he thinks the alien is a gorgan? Perhaps the qualities portrayed are a good match for those of a gorgan, whatever that is.
...

I think this would make the most sense in-universe.

Kor

 

[BK613]

For those without the benefit of owning "Star Trek Lives!" here is the full quote, which the authors' attribute to Leonard Nimoy:

And when the writers start giving you material, or the producers start giving you material, that doesn't give you the opportunity to get your creative juices going, and you complain to him, and he tells you to just go out and do it -- "I know what I'm doing and this is going to work." Then you have a total impasse. Death sets in. That's death.

For example:

...when we were doing the script, maybe one of our worst ever, with the kids in the third season, "And the Children Shall Lead," I thought it was terrible--terrible...So I went to Fred Freiberger and said, "Well, we've got some problems with the script." He said, "This script going to be what 'Miri' should have been."
Well "Miri" was a lovely story, lovely* story, beautifully told and beautifully played. And we had all loved "Miri" as an episode. And he was saying that "Miri" was a piece of trash...There's no communication.
That's when death starts to set in.

*(The second "lovely" was italicized in the original but I bold it here because the quote box italicizes everything)

 

[Kor]

"Miri" certainly was a lovely story, and infinitely better than ATCSL.

Kor

 

[BigDaveX]

And the Children Shall Lead stands out to be in that, to me at least, it's the only TOS episode with absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Spock's Brain? Yep, completely terrible, but also completely hilarious.

The Alternative Factor? It's bad, but at least there's a vaguely interesting concept there, Robert Brown is decent as anti-Lazarus, and you can make some allowances for the fact that they had to chop out the main subplot and replace it with padding, plus John D. Barrymore leaving them high and dry.

The Way to Eden? There's actually a couple of good ideas there in the search of paradise, what might drive a person to go to such lengths, and the unintended side-effects of omnipresent technology, but they were killed when the hippie plot was grafted onto the episode.

And the Children Shall Lead? Aside from a vaguely creepy teaser scene and one or two moments where Shatner's hilariously over the top (and even in that regard, Turnabout Intruder is actually more entertaining), just horrendously bad from start to finish.