An old flame reappeard in my life and i'm not sure what to do?

[Infern0]

Ok. so I used to be very good friends with a girl for a few years when I was younger, we got on so well and I always thought she was "the one". We never dated "officially" because the timing always seemed to be wrong for one of us, but we obviously slept together and talked about the future, all kinds of stuff, nobody ever made me as happy as she did. Anyways a couple of years ago we drifted apart, she seemed on the wrong track in life and I had to move on. I have been dating a girl for about 18 months, I love her and we have fun together, but I just cant SEE myself being with her forever, never have.

Last weekend I went to a party and low and behold my soulmate from the past is there, we talked for hours, she looks fantastic and has really turned her life around, the old spark was still there and now I can't stop thinking about her. I have her cell phone number but haven't called or texted, I didnt give her mine.

Now I dont know what to do, I do love my current partner but to be honest its more like a love for a sister or friend if that makes sense, I dont get excited to be with her anymore, and when I saw my old flame I didnt even think about her all night. Me and my current partner rent a house now and have built a reasonably good life, but it's just not fulfilling enough, and my old flame was and IS the one I see myself with when I close my eyes and look into the future.

What am i supposed to do.

 

[Tiberius Jim]

Well, regardless of what you do about the old flame, I'd say breaking things off with the current girlfriend would be the right thing to do. You say you see her as a sister or a good friend? If that's truly how you feel, don't let too much time go by with you feeling that way. I have to ask, though: did the feelings for the current girl make this turn for the platonic before or after the old flame came back into the picture? If it's before, then my advice to break things off stands. If it's after...then I might be suspect that this girl coming into your life might cloud your feelings for the other girl. You say you love your girlfriend, but I might question that based on your other comments. If you're thinking of leaving her for some sole reason of getting with this other girl, don't. That's a bad way to break up and an even worse way to start a relationship, even if you're technically rekindling things.

Also, remember that you drifted apart from this girl once before. Things happen for a reason sometimes.

I would simply take some time to think about things. If things really are how you describe them with the current girlfriend, then maybe its time to go your separate ways, but let it end because of how you feel about her, not how you feel about the old flame.

 

[Infern0]

Well, regardless of what you do about the old flame, I'd say breaking things off with the current girlfriend would be the right thing to do. You say you see her as a sister or a good friend? If that's truly how you feel, don't let too much time go by with you feeling that way. I have to ask, though: did the feelings for the current girl make this turn for the platonic before or after the old flame came back into the picture? If it's before, then my advice to break things off stands. If it's after...then I might be suspect that this girl coming into your life might cloud your feelings for the other girl. You say you love your girlfriend, but I might question that based on your other comments. If you're thinking of leaving her for some sole reason of getting with this other girl, don't. That's a bad way to break up and an even worse way to start a relationship, even if you're technically rekindling things.

Also, remember that you drifted apart from this girl once before. Things happen for a reason sometimes.

I would simply take some time to think about things. If things really are how you describe them with the current girlfriend, then maybe its time to go your separate ways, but let it end because of how you feel about her, not how you feel about the old flame.

Its a tough one, me and my current girlfriend have had a good relationship, I mean we never really argue or fall out, but she moved in with me very early in our relationship and I just kind of adapted to that, we work well as a couple but like I say there is no excitement there, and there hasn't been for a while. I no longer find myself physically attracted to her, and I wonder if I simply "settled" for the first reasonable girl who came along at the time, I know that makes me sound like an asshole but I have to be honest.

If i'm being honest, I have never really got over my old flame, and I thought about her almost every day even before she came back onto the scene, when I saw her the other day I felt strong feelings I have not had for a long time. When I'm with her, the whole world seems to stop in a way that no other girl makes happen.

Finishing my current relationship anyway is probably the best thing to do, but the problem is it's going to really hurt my partner, She hasn't really got anywhere else to go, this may sound arrogant, but I gave her a life, I supported her when her family turned their back on her due to personal demons, I got her through all of her hard times and problems (and trust me there were a lot) I was there with her when she finished University recently, I got her a good job with people I know, I gave her my friends, and a home of her own, I own EVERYTHING in our flat, appliances, furniture, the other car that she uses, it's all mine, on a practical level all she owns is her clothes, makeup and jewlery. I am the signature on all the bills, the rent, she helps out with some money, but I don't ask for or accept a lot because to be honest I can easily afford it on my own because I earn almost three times what she does. If she gives me money for bills she usually has to force me to accept it, and then i usually use the money toward something nice that I know she wants. If I finish with her, I take all that away.

I wonder now If I am with her out of pity, I know thats not right but I'd feel awful to go and leave her with nothing.

 

[Venardhi]

Well you don't have to leave her with nothing. If this has been a long time coming she probably knows it as well as you do but her fears may be that she is dependent on you and doesn't know what to do. If you do break off your relationship it doesn't mean you have to kick her to the curb that night. Let her know you're having second thoughts about the relationship, talk about it, give her time to get things in order. If you don't need that second car let her buy it from you at a price she can afford. This doesn't have to be a huge shock to the system, it can just be a next step in both your lives.

You sound like a reasonable person, and a reasonably compassionate one at that. Follow your heart, but use your head.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I don't understand why you are saying

I got her a good job with people I know, I gave her my friends, and a home of her own, I own EVERYTHING in our flat, appliances, furniture, the other car that she uses, it's all mine, on a practical level all she owns is her clothes, makeup and jewlery. I am the signature on all the bills, the rent, she helps out with some money, but I don't ask for or accept a lot because to be honest I can easily afford it on my own because I earn almost three times what she does. If she gives me money for bills she usually has to force me to accept it, and then i usually use the money toward something nice that I know she wants. If I finish with her, I take all that away.

What do you mean "I gave her my friends". Friends aren't yours to give to her. Whether they stay her friends once you and her break up is between her and them.

Also why can't you give her a chance to take over the apartment or at least share some of the furniture etc with her when you break up? That would be the decent thing. You seem to be suggesting that you are the only one who contributed to your relationship, you might have been the main breadwinner in the relationship but she gave you her time, her love and probably many other things as well.

 

[Infern0]

I don't understand why you are saying

I got her a good job with people I know, I gave her my friends, and a home of her own, I own EVERYTHING in our flat, appliances, furniture, the other car that she uses, it's all mine, on a practical level all she owns is her clothes, makeup and jewlery. I am the signature on all the bills, the rent, she helps out with some money, but I don't ask for or accept a lot because to be honest I can easily afford it on my own because I earn almost three times what she does. If she gives me money for bills she usually has to force me to accept it, and then i usually use the money toward something nice that I know she wants. If I finish with her, I take all that away.

What do you mean "I gave her my friends". Friends aren't yours to give to her. Whether they stay her friends once you and her break up is between her and them.

Also why can't you give her a chance to take over the apartment or at least share some of the furniture etc with her when you break up? That would be the decent thing. You seem to be suggesting that you are the only one who contributed to your relationship, you might have been the main breadwinner in the relationship but she gave you her time, her love and probably many other things as well.

What I mean is, before she met me she had no friends, I introduced her into my social circle and actually had to make a lot of effort to get people to like her, because apparantly she came off as a bit "cold" there was also the issue that people thought she was going to "leech" off me because she was a student and I was in a good career, I told every one of my friends that I was with her and that if they didnt accept her that I didn't want anything to do with them, eventually they apologised and became friends with her it was a long process and to be honest they are still "my" friends if that makes sense, they just make an effort because of me, i know that deep down, very few of them would make much of an effort with her if i broke up with her and that saddens me because she is a great person.

I don't think that i was the only one who contributed, I am so greatful for the time we have had together, she did do a heck of a lot for me, one example she gave me the best birthday I had ever had by arranging a surprise party and a weekend away, nobody ever did anything like that for me. She was there with me as I became a man and not a boy anymore.

 

[Naira]

I was not planning to post because I don't have anything to contribute to your dilemma about your older flame...

However, concerning your current girlfriend, I think that staying with her because of the reasons you mentioned is wrong. Yes, she is probably going to lose a lot along with you and she will probably have a hard time standing on her feet. BUT, if she truly loves you, in the long run, she is going to suffer a lot more as years go by and she remains with someone that cares for her but does not truly love her in the way she deserves. Don't let her grow old next to a man who does not really love her (in a relationship-kind-of-way).