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All things RED Dwarf
- Thread starter Toril Toran
- Start date
Take Christmas. What did we do Christmas Day?!
Well, don’t you remember sir? Christmas we were attacked by that pan-dimensional liquid beast from the Mogadon Cluster
Well, don’t you remember sir? Christmas we were attacked by that pan-dimensional liquid beast from the Mogadon Cluster
^ I thought there were no aliens in the RD universe?
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There aren’t. It’s a pan-dimensional beast. Says nothing of a non-terrestrial or a lack of human involvement in its origin.
Like polymorphs are human engineered.
As were both despair squids
As were GELFs (pleasure and otherwise)
As were stimulants
As was Legion
Etc
Like polymorphs are human engineered.
As were both despair squids
As were GELFs (pleasure and otherwise)
As were stimulants
As was Legion
Etc
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I guess I just have a hard time imagining humans ever coming up with something that's "pan-dimensional".
Kryten : But surely you believe that God is in all things? Aren't you a pantheist?
Lister : Yeah, but I just don't think it applies to kitchen utensils. I'm not a FRYING pantheist. Machines do not have souls. Computers and calculators do not have an afterlife. You don't get hairdryers with tiny little wings, sitting on clouds, playing harps.
Lister : Yeah, but I just don't think it applies to kitchen utensils. I'm not a FRYING pantheist. Machines do not have souls. Computers and calculators do not have an afterlife. You don't get hairdryers with tiny little wings, sitting on clouds, playing harps.
The stasis room creates a static field of time. See, just as X-rays can't pass through lead, time cannot penetrate a stasis field. So, although you exist, you no longer exist in time, and for you time itself does not exist. You see, although you're still a mass, you are no longer an event in space-time, you are a non-event mass with a quantum probability of zero.
Well explained Todhunter. 
(What a prat!)
(What a prat!)
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So what is it?
It’s a rent in the space-time continuum
![a>](http://<a href="https://imgur.com/MJ5ha5s"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/MJ5ha5ss.jpg" title="source: imgur.com" /></a>)
LISTER: Holly, is there something that you want?
HOLLY: Well, only if you're not busy. Would you mind erasing some of my memory banks?
LISTER: What for?
HOLLY: Well, if you erase all the Agatha Christie novels from my memory bank, I can read 'em again tonight.
LISTER: How do I do it?
HOLLY: Just type, "HolMem. Password override. The novels Christie, Agatha." Then press erase.
<LISTER does>
LISTER: I've done it.
HOLLY: Done what?
LISTER: Erased Agatha Christie.
HOLLY: Who's she, then?
LISTER: Holly, you just asked me to erase all Agatha Christie novels from your memory.
HOLLY: Why should I do that? I've never heard of her.
LISTER: You've never heard of her because I've just erased her from your smegging memory.
HOLLY: What'd you do that for?
LISTER: You asked me to!
HOLLY: When?
LISTER: Just now!
HOLLY: I don't remember this.
HOLLY: Well, only if you're not busy. Would you mind erasing some of my memory banks?
LISTER: What for?
HOLLY: Well, if you erase all the Agatha Christie novels from my memory bank, I can read 'em again tonight.
LISTER: How do I do it?
HOLLY: Just type, "HolMem. Password override. The novels Christie, Agatha." Then press erase.
<LISTER does>
LISTER: I've done it.
HOLLY: Done what?
LISTER: Erased Agatha Christie.
HOLLY: Who's she, then?
LISTER: Holly, you just asked me to erase all Agatha Christie novels from your memory.
HOLLY: Why should I do that? I've never heard of her.
LISTER: You've never heard of her because I've just erased her from your smegging memory.
HOLLY: What'd you do that for?
LISTER: You asked me to!
HOLLY: When?
LISTER: Just now!
HOLLY: I don't remember this.
Rimmer: Anything?
Holly: Got 'im.
Rimmer: And?
Holly: Tension Sheet, inventor of: Dave Lister, aged 17.
Rimmer: Damn!
Holly: And he died tragically in a plane crash, aged 98.
Rimmer: Ninety-eight?!
Holly: His own fault, apparently. He was making love to his fourteenth wife and he lost control of the plane.
Rimmer: Have you got any photographs?
Holly: (Shocked) Not of that, no!
Holly: Got 'im.
Rimmer: And?
Holly: Tension Sheet, inventor of: Dave Lister, aged 17.
Rimmer: Damn!
Holly: And he died tragically in a plane crash, aged 98.
Rimmer: Ninety-eight?!
Holly: His own fault, apparently. He was making love to his fourteenth wife and he lost control of the plane.
Rimmer: Have you got any photographs?
Holly: (Shocked) Not of that, no!
HOLLY: (Appearing on the screen, tilted 45 degrees clockwise) It doesn’t look good. We’ve lost the port engine, the starboard engine’s packed up, the fuel line’s severed, we’re taking in water through the hull, we’ve lost the landing jets, half the electric’s out, and the elastic’s snapped on the furry dice.
RIMMER: What does that mean in real terms?
HOLLY: Well, it means you got a more tasteful cockpit. but unless you fix that starboard engine in the next 40 minutes we’re going to start sinking.
RIMMER: Anything we can do?
HOLLY: We could try to hire a dance band and get it to play “Abide With Me.”
-Dimension Jump
RIMMER: What does that mean in real terms?
HOLLY: Well, it means you got a more tasteful cockpit. but unless you fix that starboard engine in the next 40 minutes we’re going to start sinking.
RIMMER: Anything we can do?
HOLLY: We could try to hire a dance band and get it to play “Abide With Me.”
-Dimension Jump
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(after being crushed in a garbage compactor)
Kryten: "I'm almost annoyed!"
Kryten: "I'm almost annoyed!"
Rimmer (speaking to Holly): “You’re about as useful as a condom machine at the Vatican.”
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That’s the ultimate irony, isn’t it? Lister: the ultimate atheist turns out in fact to be God. It’s all I in the microdot
Holly: They're from the Norweb Federation.
Lister: What's that?
Holly: The North Western Electricity Board. They want you, Dave.
Lister: Me? Why? What for?
Holly: For your crimes against humanity.
Lister: You what?
Holly: It seems when you left Earth, 3 million years ago, you left two half-eaten German sausages on a plate in your kitchen. Do you know what happens to sausages left unattended for 3 million years?
Lister: Yeah, they go mouldy.
Holly: Your sausages, Dave, now cover seven-eights of the Earth's surface. Also, you left $£17.50 in your bank account. Thanks to compound interest, you now own 98% of all the world's wealth. And because you've hoarded it for 3 million years, nobody's got any money except for you and Norweb.
Lister: Why Norweb?
Holly: You left a light on in the bathroom. I've got a final demand here for £180 billion.
Lister: $£180 billion? You're kidding?
Holly: [wearing a silly face mask] April fool.
Lister: What's that?
Holly: The North Western Electricity Board. They want you, Dave.
Lister: Me? Why? What for?
Holly: For your crimes against humanity.
Lister: You what?
Holly: It seems when you left Earth, 3 million years ago, you left two half-eaten German sausages on a plate in your kitchen. Do you know what happens to sausages left unattended for 3 million years?
Lister: Yeah, they go mouldy.
Holly: Your sausages, Dave, now cover seven-eights of the Earth's surface. Also, you left $£17.50 in your bank account. Thanks to compound interest, you now own 98% of all the world's wealth. And because you've hoarded it for 3 million years, nobody's got any money except for you and Norweb.
Lister: Why Norweb?
Holly: You left a light on in the bathroom. I've got a final demand here for £180 billion.
Lister: $£180 billion? You're kidding?
Holly: [wearing a silly face mask] April fool.
The aforementioned Rimmer, to whit, me, attended inspection parade. He was totally naked except for a pair of mock-leather driving gloves and some blue swimming goggles. Under the influence of this psychedelic breakfast he went on to attack two senior officers, believing them to be giraffes who were armed and dangerous
- Rimmer, Stasis Leak
- Rimmer, Stasis Leak
