Alcohol at Weddings - a must? News to me!

[hamudm]

So, we're getting married this August and due to my family being religious Muslims, who do not drink (nor do I) we've chosen not to serve alcohol at our wedding. HOWEVER, my fiance's family does drink and so do my friends.

We're going to have about 100-120 people but it's just going to be family and close friends... no incidentals/acquaintances/work people.

I know that if we had zero alcohol that my friends (all non-muslim white folk) would still come and have a good time. Now keep in mind that my buddies are by and large heavy drinkers, but have known me since we were wee lads. But my fiance's friends are not able to have fun without alcohol; almost every single one acts like a wet rag if a social situation (i.e. birthday, beach volleyball, watching tv, etc...) does not have readily available booze.

As a way to ensure that the a-s-sholes wouldn't leave at 8pm, we booked a venue where there's a bar upstairs right above our banquet hall. My question is, this enough to keep people there? My friend had a wedding last year at the same venue and everyone had a great time, but none of the guests there struck me as those who "NEED" alcohol to "loosen up."

Personally, I don't get it. I can get down on the dancefloor and get crazy without any booze... never felt I needed it.

I'd like to get peoples' opinions on this. Personally, I feel that my fiance and I are going to considerable expense to offer our hospitality and ensure those closest to us can share in our special day. We are paying for food, a nice venue and entertainment. Why is it "expected" that alcohol be paid for? And even if not, your close friends are being married, what kind of person can't let it slide for a few hours and just have fun to honour their friends?

One wouldn't go to stay at someone's home and "expect" a level of hospitality i.e. booze/nintendo/whatever be made available would they? You take what you're offered and are grateful for it. It seems to me that its a disrespectful and ungrateful to leave a wedding of one of your good friends just because there's no booze.

 

[DanCPA]

jehova's witnesses do not allow booze at their weddings

 

[May 20]

I had an alcohol-free reception. If you and your bride-to-be don't want alcohol at your reception, don't have it. I think it was exceptionally considerate of you to select the venue you selected for your reception.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Just save yourself a lot of wasted time and headaches and do whatever your fiancée wants to do. Because trust me, that's what you're going to end up doing anyway, it's just a matter of doing it the easy way or the hard way.

 

[Amaris]

So, we're getting married this August and due to my family being religious Muslims, who do not drink (nor do I) we've chosen not to serve alcohol at our wedding. HOWEVER, my fiance's family does drink and so do my friends.

We're going to have about 100-120 people but it's just going to be family and close friends... no incidentals/acquaintances/work people.

I know that if we had zero alcohol that my friends (all non-muslim white folk) would still come and have a good time. Now keep in mind that my buddies are by and large heavy drinkers, but have known me since we were wee lads. But my fiance's friends are not able to have fun without alcohol; almost every single one acts like a wet rag if a social situation (i.e. birthday, beach volleyball, watching tv, etc...) does not have readily available booze.

As a way to ensure that the a-s-sholes wouldn't leave at 8pm, we booked a venue where there's a bar upstairs right above our banquet hall. My question is, this enough to keep people there? My friend had a wedding last year at the same venue and everyone had a great time, but none of the guests there struck me as those who "NEED" alcohol to "loosen up."

Personally, I don't get it. I can get down on the dancefloor and get crazy without any booze... never felt I needed it.

I'd like to get peoples' opinions on this. Personally, I feel that my fiance and I are going to considerable expense to offer our hospitality and ensure those closest to us can share in our special day. We are paying for food, a nice venue and entertainment. Why is it "expected" that alcohol be paid for? And even if not, your close friends are being married, what kind of person can't let it slide for a few hours and just have fun to honour their friends?

One wouldn't go to stay at someone's home and "expect" a level of hospitality i.e. booze/nintendo/whatever be made available would they? You take what you're offered and are grateful for it. It seems to me that its a disrespectful and ungrateful to leave a wedding of one of your good friends just because there's no booze.

It seems very disrespectful. I don't drink either, and I've been to many weddings, some with alcohol, most without. At both I had a lot of fun, and so did many others. Alcohol is fine in moderation for some people, but I feel that if you MUST have alcohol to have fun and are only willing to attend if it is served, then you have a serious problem.

As for you, hamudm, just stick to your guns. You can't help how other people behave.

J.

 

[Kestra]

The vast majorities of the weddings I've planned, there's been a standard 4-hour bar at the reception. This is not always the case however, and ultimately the bride and groom should do whatever they feel the most comfortable with.

That being said, weddings can be quite uncomfortable things for some people, so don't judge those who drink at them too harshly.

Just save yourself a lot of wasted time and headaches and do whatever your fiancée wants to do. Because trust me, that's what you're going to end up doing anyway, it's just a matter of doing it the easy way or the hard way.

Such a cynic!

 

[hamudm]

That being said, weddings can be quite uncomfortable things for some people, so don't judge those who drink at them too harshly.

See, I guess that's the part I don't get. To me, a wedding is a party of course. It's a joyous celebration of people you love. I myself was honoured to be a groomsman in my friend's wedding and it was reason enough for me to have a blast! This was my friend since I was 11 years old and it was a special day to see him get married.

I've been doing a lot of reading on the subject lately and it seems that those who are not regular drinkers (or teetotalers) have a much easier time being social without alcohol than those who drink fairly regularly to heavily.

I have rarely drank in my life, so to me it eludes me how it's hard to be social without such an elixir? To me every social setting is different and I just adapt to it. I'm not overly talkative, but I know that being a hermit is just going to ruin a lot of settings for me, so I just get over myself.

 

[Spot's Meow]

Well, I rarely drink. But when I go to weddings I find it hard not to. Honestly, the reason is because I find weddings extremely boring and I don't like to dance or make small talk with strangers so there's really nothing else to do but drink. This will likely be different when a close friend or family member gets married, but so far all the weddings I've been to were of people I was indirectly acquainted with. Plus, I never buy wine at home so I see weddings as an opportunity to test wines.

 

[Kestra]

See, I guess that's the part I don't get. To me, a wedding is a party of course. It's a joyous celebration of people you love. I myself was honoured to be a groomsman in my friend's wedding and it was reason enough for me to have a blast! This was my friend since I was 11 years old and it was a special day to see him get married.

Oh, I enjoy weddings quite a bit myself. And I definitely agree with you about it being a party. I think a lot of it has to do with the traditions that I was raised in.

I've been doing a lot of reading on the subject lately and it seems that those who are not regular drinkers (or teetotalers) have a much easier time being social without alcohol than those who drink fairly regularly to heavily.

Those who drink regularly probably have their reasons, including social ones. It's perhaps not the best solution, but some people see it as such.

I have rarely drank in my life, so to me it eludes me how it's hard to be social without such an elixir? To me every social setting is different and I just adapt to it. I'm not overly talkative, but I know that being a hermit is just going to ruin a lot of settings for me, so I just get over myself.

I started drinking later than most people and I've gone through periods where I drink and those where I don't. So I understand where you're coming from. I'm also one of those people that's an introvert but can act like an extrovert, so I know the "getting over it" mentality. I'm married to someone who has a much more difficult time in social settings though, and I understand that it's harder for some people than it is for others.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Just save yourself a lot of wasted time and headaches and do whatever your fiancée wants to do. Because trust me, that's what you're going to end up doing anyway, it's just a matter of doing it the easy way or the hard way.

Such a cynic!

Realist. Did you let your husband pick the style of the wedding invitations or something like that? I bet, under the guise of romantically holding hands, you did that whole Ouija board thing where you moved your hands with his as you picked it out, subtly guiding his choice, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!?

 

[An Officer]

You have to balance you and your wife's believes. If you are a muslim, then it is obviously forbidden for you to spend your money on alcohol... however, if your wife and her family want it, and are the ones who will be organising and paying for it, it's slightly different... if it's going to cause serious conflict between you and your wife, then you need to let her have her liberty, but it that won't be the case and your wife is happy to go along with your ideas, you can skip all that with a clear conscience. If people want alcohol, they can get it for themselves without it being on your head, so to speak.

I guess you are aware that having a wife with a different religion from your self is going to bring numerous such dilemmas one afgter the other, this is only the beginning. You have to decide where your lines will be, or resign yourself to the fact that you may slowly but surely dilute your believes for the sake of peace between you and your spouse. It's a fact of life when you commit yourself to another person, naturally you want to make them happy... but you also want to follow your god's wishes, it's a conflict that I'm sure you've considered before marriage.

 

[trekkiedane]

I think it was exceptionally considerate of you to select the venue you selected for your reception.

QFT

You do what you want to do, and if people give you a hard time or leave early, well then you know whom never to invite again.

Allthough, if I were ever invited to a dry party I'd have to consider it a social experiment -I don't think I've ever even heard of such a thing

 

[Kestra]

Just save yourself a lot of wasted time and headaches and do whatever your fiancée wants to do. Because trust me, that's what you're going to end up doing anyway, it's just a matter of doing it the easy way or the hard way.

Such a cynic!

Realist. Did you let your husband pick the style of the wedding invitations or something like that? I bet, under the guise of romantically holding hands, you did that whole Ouija board thing where you moved your hands with his as you picked it out, subtly guiding his choice, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!?

Actually, when we were picking up my sister's invitations in India the year before, we had seen one that caught both our eyes. So when we got engaged, I asked him what invitation he wanted and he chose that one straightaway. We didn't bother looking at any others.

Okay, so maybe I did plan most of our wedding. But that's my job! I let him make decisions on things guys actually care about: the food, the music, and the bar.

Edited to add: I must try that Ouija board holding hands trick at some point though. Thanks for the tip!

 

[hamudm]

You have to balance you and your wife's believes. If you are a muslim, then it is obviously forbidden for you to spend your money on alcohol... however, if your wife and her family want it, and are the ones who will be organising and paying for it, it's slightly different... if it's going to cause serious conflict between you and your wife, then you need to let her have her liberty, but it that won't be the case and your wife is happy to go along with your ideas, you can skip all that with a clear conscience. If people want alcohol, they can get it for themselves without it being on your head, so to speak.

I guess you are aware that having a wife with a different religion from your self is going to bring numerous such dilemmas one afgter the other, this is only the beginning. You have to decide where your lines will be, or resign yourself to the fact that you may slowly but surely dilute your believes for the sake of peace between you and your spouse. It's a fact of life when you commit yourself to another person, naturally you want to make them happy... but you also want to follow your god's wishes, it's a conflict that I'm sure you've considered before marriage.

Well I'm not religious. I don't drink out of personal choice. I have had a few here and there, but I don't like the taste. Neither my fiance nor I are religious.

As for paying for it, it's all on our dime No family help because neither side can really afford to pay for the wedding.

 

[Timby]

hamudm, given the previous updates you've given us regarding your life and your relationship, I have to say congratulations.

Otherwise ... well, you can approach it from any number of perspectives. The conventional wisdom is that a wedding reception includes a bar, because the purpose of many wedding guests is to simply get drunk. Another perspective may be that guests may not hold your views regarding alcohol, and it is respectful to offer a cash bar to them in order that they enjoy some glasses of wine, or whatnot, during your reception

Another approach is to simply say, "I don't drink, my new wife does not drink, and we would appreciate it if no one at our reception were to drink. If you want to hit the booze, go upstairs." It's short, it's polite, it's respectful, and it covers all the bases.

 

[TGTheodore]

It amazes me how people keep forgetting whose day it is. The bride and groom set the parameters and invite GUESTS to attend to help them celebrate the event. You're not getting married for the guests, they're attending to support YOU.

If the alcohol thing is a big deal, put it on the invitation. "Please note that alcohol will be served in the bar upstairs. There will be no alcohol at the reception."

And if that's a dealbreaker for some of the guests, tough. You're nice enough to invite them, and true friends will support you and celebrate with you regardless.

And enjoy your day. And a big CONGRATULATIONS from me!

--Ted

 

[JNG]

I'd like to get peoples' opinions on this. Personally, I feel that my fiance and I are going to considerable expense to offer our hospitality and ensure those closest to us can share in our special day. We are paying for food, a nice venue and entertainment. Why is it "expected" that alcohol be paid for?

Only filthy alcoholics "need" alcohol or value it over friendship. The people who wouldn't come for that reason are people you should probably be glad to have out of your lives anyway.

 

[JuanBolio]

Can't you have alcohol there anyway without offending your family? They don't have to partake, after all.

 

[hamudm]

hamudm, given the previous updates you've given us regarding your life and your relationship, I have to say congratulations.

Otherwise ... well, you can approach it from any number of perspectives. The conventional wisdom is that a wedding reception includes a bar, because the purpose of many wedding guests is to simply get drunk. Another perspective may be that guests may not hold your views regarding alcohol, and it is respectful to offer a cash bar to them in order that they enjoy some glasses of wine, or whatnot, during your reception

Another approach is to simply say, "I don't drink, my new wife does not drink, and we would appreciate it if no one at our reception were to drink. If you want to hit the booze, go upstairs." It's short, it's polite, it's respectful, and it covers all the bases.

Hi! Thanks! Sometimes it surprises me how close this community really is I'm more of a lurker than a poster a lot of the time, so the fact that people remember our predicament is appreciated!

Yes, things are still a bit sketchy with my family; however, we're going full-steam ahead and handling each issue/problem as it comes. But we're super-excited.

As for differing perspectives, it's difficult to accomodate everyone. Our personal beliefs are that family comes first. So in regards to this, we understand that in Western culture alcohol is a celebratory thing. To balance this with my family's Muslim heritage and beliefs, the bar upstairs is the only reasonable compromise we could think of.

My folks have been in Canada about 35 years, and they're not extreme in their beliefs, and they understand that people drink; however, on a special day as the wedding of their eldest son, they would take offense to alcohol being paid for and distributed by me. It's only assumed that those that want to have a couple of drinks will do so, so we figured if it's close by, people won't be leaving and not coming back. Nor will we have to pay a $3000 bar tab (which we can't afford)!

 

[CaptainStoner]

Don't sweat it. Upstairs bar will be fine, and having them pay for their own drinks should keep you from having sloshed people at your wedding, which is never cool.