Well, there's an absurd generalization for you.
Advice. Suggestions. Support. Guidance?
- Thread starter Trekker4747
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Well, there's an absurd generalization for you.
Love is a contact sport, that's all.
Doesn't mean you can't use the internet to find similar-minded folks that you wouldn't otherwise run into, though. Don't have to be looking for an internet-only long-distance relationship, can just use it as a way to expand your net without having to kill yourself at bars, activities, etc. and harassing your coupled friends constantly for dates.
But agree that the people you should be searching for should be in your geographic area such that you can actually date in person. Internet ought to be more how to MEET people (other than sketchy at bars), not how to date them long term. And enough ways to put yourself out there, you increase your odds of finding like-minded people that you have things in common with.
But agree that the people you should be searching for should be in your geographic area such that you can actually date in person. Internet ought to be more how to MEET people (other than sketchy at bars), not how to date them long term. And enough ways to put yourself out there, you increase your odds of finding like-minded people that you have things in common with.
Generalizing much? I know people who met their spouses online. And two of my three closest friends -- one of whom I consider my daughter -- are people whom I originally met online years ago.
I know better, I fucking know better than to think anything good can happen to me.
^ Oh, come on, dude. You'll never get anywhere with an attitude like that.
Trekker you had a gamble at something your instincts always told you could be suss, you always knew you might have to back out quick but you were willing to have a try which is a great thing in itself. Don't beat yourself up about it, you seem to have had this experiment in far away dating with the most intelligence and prudence possible. Now you have a story about how you gave one of those websites a go and OMG it was just like all those stories .. if you can spin it into "and then I knew, and I got outta there so fast.." In other words, this can be an anecdote about some whack thing that happened which is a good way to take the shit you're feeling now and turn it into compost.
I'd like to steal that phrase...
Well, then ... hey! ... there you go. I work as an Artist for events in the Hospitality Industry, for one thing. Philadelphia always has something going on, somewhere ... I mean ... yeah, you go places and every third person's screwing with their phone and bumping into someone, but there's too much fun to be had offline ...
Not sure what you're trying to say here. LOL You originally made a big generalization that one can't meet anyone good online. I gave you examples of just the opposite -- meeting people online who turned into close real-life friends. And now you're rambling about having fun in real life? Huh?
I've met a lot of people online who turned out to be real friends to me. This board is proof of that! They know who they are. 
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Everyone I've ever met online murdered me.
It gets old.
It gets old.
Wow, more evidence for the existence of ghosts!
^ Are you sure we're not just full of sheet?
Since it seems like your current love interest may not be working out, I'll give you some advice on online dating, from someone who met my husband through an online dating site (and one of those sketchy free ones, too!). As you state, I received a lot of messages, but I responded to very few of them. What caused me to respond to his was that it was longer (at least 3-4 paragraphs) and he barely talked about himself at all - it was almost entirely about ME and things he had read on my profile. Such as "I saw that you're a Star Trek fan. But TNG is your favorite, really? What about TOS? Well, I guess Data is okay. [insert funny Data quote here]"...and then he went on for a paragraph talking about Star Trek. How could I NOT respond to that?!
He asked me other specific questions that made me think "wow, he really read all of my profile." SO many guys look only at your pictures, skim the profile (if that), and then just send a short message saying "hey, wanna talk? Liked your pics." LAME. Your messages should show that you have done your due diligence to read the fucking profile, and that you care about her interests. There is no need to talk about yourself in your first message, as that is what your profile is for. It also leaves a little mystery so that she actually needs to click on your profile to learn about you. Also, questions about her will make it very natural for her to want to respond, whereas just talking about yourself or another topic, without any questions, or worst just saying "hey," doesn't really open up a window for conversation.
Not that you aren't doing this stuff already, maybe you are, just some friendly advice from someone who's been on the other end.
Yep, met my wife online as well. Put up a good (recent!) picture. Send messages that are longer than "wanna bang" but not a 5 page manifesto. Like Spot said, comment on something she's said and ask a follow-up question, or use that to show common interest/experience. "saw one of your pictures was from Hawaii, always wanted to go, what was your favorite part?" sorta thing, or 'saw you talk about a SCUBA hobby, always wanted to try that', etc.
Just enough to show that you read what she wrote, and a small hook for her to respond to to get the ball rolling.
But mostly, send out a few of those. And most you'll never hear from again, so don't get too attached to any profile in particular or wait by the phone. Send out 10, maybe 1-2 will respond, maybe 1 of those will keep talking. But now you've probably got a date with a real live person that lives in your time zone. Don't drag out the online thing forever. Few messages back and forth, establish enough in common to be worth meeting, and suggest dinner/coffee/an activity to meet in person.
Online dating should be a tool to meet people in person, not the end goal itself.
I'm sure the attention felt nice, but it was catfishing, and you suspected that going in, so don't put out the pity party balloons just yet. Learn from it and try again. Or try Tindr for the 'speed dating' version, see if you get any bites. It's a numbers game; if you don't get out there a lot, not going to get a lot of Yes votes, and the Nos will feel more personal.
Just enough to show that you read what she wrote, and a small hook for her to respond to to get the ball rolling.
But mostly, send out a few of those. And most you'll never hear from again, so don't get too attached to any profile in particular or wait by the phone. Send out 10, maybe 1-2 will respond, maybe 1 of those will keep talking. But now you've probably got a date with a real live person that lives in your time zone. Don't drag out the online thing forever. Few messages back and forth, establish enough in common to be worth meeting, and suggest dinner/coffee/an activity to meet in person.
Online dating should be a tool to meet people in person, not the end goal itself.
I'm sure the attention felt nice, but it was catfishing, and you suspected that going in, so don't put out the pity party balloons just yet. Learn from it and try again. Or try Tindr for the 'speed dating' version, see if you get any bites. It's a numbers game; if you don't get out there a lot, not going to get a lot of Yes votes, and the Nos will feel more personal.
I would have tried Tinder by now, but unfortunately it requires a Facebook account.
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