TOS Caption Contest #277: That Which Captions

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, time for a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Shameless" Award, going to:

Kirk (to Martine): So... what are you doing after the ceremony?

Next, we have the "Fantastic Communications Systems!" Award, going to:

Kirk: "Kirk to Scott!"
Scotty: "Right here, Captain!"
Kirk: "...My God, Mr. Scott, have you upgraded the intercom system? It sounds like you're right here with me!"

Next, we have the "Everybody lies, even Vulcans" Award, going to:

KIRK: I thought you said you had no ambitions for command.

SPOCK: I lied.

KIRK: I thought Vulcans couldn't lie.

SPOCK: Lied about that, too.

Next, we have the "Keep your eyes on the Road" Award, going to:

SULU: You're a sight for sore eyes.
UHURA: Speaking of sore eyes: if you want two shiners, keep gawking, creep.

Next, we have the "Starfleet Tech Support" Award, going to:

Spock: "Have you tried turning it off, then turning it back on again?"

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

KIRK:Damn it Spock, you said the Rec Deck was clothing optional!

Live Long and Prosper, Leonard Nimoy. Here you are, an autographed copy of my book I Am Not Spock.

Crewman: Do the death grip! Do the death grip!

And now, we begin a new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Kirk: "Everyone concentrate. We are trying to contact the spirit of Captain Christopher Pike...."

Bones: "He's not dead, Jim."

Spock: "Farting contests are illogical. However, that was most impressive."

Kirk: "I've seen this one. This is the one where Jeannie's sister steals the bottle."

Bones: "Jim, are you out of your mind? You have to wait for someone else to kill the redshirts."

Scotty: "Someone ate all the Chiclets out of the middle one, Mr. Spock."

Spock: "Fortunately, I carry a small supply."

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Oh holy rock, we pray to thee...

Sulu: How much cordrazine did you give him Doctor?

Scotty: Mister Spock, this is very complicate machinery, I dinnae think you can fix it with a toy you bought at the dollar store.

Kirk: It's just been revoked.

McCoy: Jim, he really didn't set you up for that line.

Spock: As you can see Captain, the Kalandans made the same tragic mistakes in fashion as humans did in the 20th Century.

Kirk: Kirk to Enterprise. We're trapped on the purple planet. It clashes with our uniforms, beam us up!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Check again Sulu, no way is this planet made from plywood and styro foam.

SPOCK: Did you try hitting it?

SCOTTY: Is that your expert recommendation?

SPOCK: Yes.

SULU: I love this planet it sparkles

KIRK: I'd hit it.

SPOCK: This is not news.

KIRK: Scotty, I think you transported us into Princes' bedroom.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Losira: Greetings, travelers. I wish to speak to you about a glorious aspect of Kalandan society. We call it "Amway."

Kirk: Now I know why they went extinct.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Kirk: "Another species that covers their belly-buttons! Mr. Spock, I'm beginning to think there's some kind of kinky in the galaxy that we don't fully understand."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Forget it, Captain. They never look like their profile picture.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Losira: Help me, Obi Vulcanobi. You're my only hope.

 

[Avro Arrow]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Kirk: Captain's log, supplemental. We have unknowingly beamed down to the site of a great tragedy. I don't know what has transpired here, but the surface of the planet is covered with the corpses of dead Horta.
Sulu: Um, sir, these are just rocks...

Losira: Welcome to the Kalandan Oasis Resort. Please enjoy this three-hour presentation on why owning a timeshare is right for you!

Kirk: Yes, I'd like to make a return. I specifically ordered the Zachary Quinto Mr. Spock cut-out!

 

[Sir Rhosis]

KIRK: Why does she keep saying "Purrrrrfect" for?

 

[Maurice]

Thanks for the win!

BONES: I got five pieces of candy!
SULU: I got a chocolate bar!
KIRK: I got a rock.

KIRK: Captain's log, stardate, 1984.18. We have discovered The Color Purple.
SPOCK: Is that Danny Glover?

SCOTT: Seriously, Mr. Spock, you'll never need more than 64K of RAM!

KIRK: I know what you're thinking: "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself.
SULU: Who's he talking to?
BONES: Himself.

KIRK: Why the flap over her navel?
SPOCK: That's what Barbara Eden asked.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Kirk: Gentlemen, we've been stranded on this planet for eight days. When I go through the effort of putting together a nice dinner of straw, I expect you to stow your complaints and eat!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Eight days stranded down here with no food! You know...I just gotta say...if those idiots at Starfleet Command had just listened to my suggestion for pockets in these pants, we could have at least had some chewing gum or breath mints or--"
McCoy: "Let it go, Jim."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Why the flap over her navel?
SPOCK: That's what Barbara Eden asked.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: We've got straw and rocks. Still no fire. Search the database again. We're missing something.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Spock: Mr. Scott, I fail to see why you have summoned me to this vending machine. The emergency channel is not to be misused.

Scotty: Borgas frat, laddie! The wee bastard's out of reconstituted haggis!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SCOTTY: Poor Louie, God bless him... he's not with us anymore.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Scott: Aye, sir, that's the last of them. We've finally managed to purge from the ship's computer every last copy of your rendition of The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins...

 

[T'Girl]

BONES: Get control of yourself Jim, it's just a little spider.

Kirk: You're right Spock, she would have made a much better choice for Number One in the first pilot.

SCOTTY: Poor Louie, God bless him... he's not with us anymore.

Spock: He should have came inside with the other two prior to the ship passing through the rings.

 

[SciFi75]

Kirk: Gentlemen, it would appear that we are between a rock and a hard place.

McCoy: That was funny three days ago, Jim.