TOS Caption Contest #276: Balance of Captions
- Thread starter LeadHead
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Kirk: "I'm thinking of an object in this room."
Scotty: "Is it animal, vegetable, or mineral?"
Kirk: "All of the above."
Scotty: "Is it Yeoman Rand and her wig?"
Kirk: "Here I come, ready or not."
Scotty: "Aye, Captain, you have to count to a hundred. You didna' give them time to hide."
KIRK: Aw, come on! I've been looking for hours! Where is everbody?
(Muted giggling)
Kirk: "Alright, Mr. Spock, prepare to get underway as soon as repairs are completed. Of course, with that alcoholic chief engineer and lackadaisical crew we're stuck with, that probably won't be anytime soon... Oh, Christ. They're right behind me, aren't they."
Kirk: What do you mean, you're out of double cheeseburgers? What kind of fast food joint IS this?
Kirk: Was that a Gorn??
Scotty: No sir, that's the fasten seat belts sign.
Kirk: How are you coming along on installing the seat belts Mister Scott?
Scotty: Any day now, sir. Any day.
KIRK: Have fun kids, but not too much fun. It'd be crazy to try to raise children on a starship exploring deep space. Heh heh, just kidding.
KIRK: Captain to Bridge. It's the 23rd century, why are we still communicating with the intercom from a 1990s apartment building?
Kirk and Spock catch each others' eyes on the bridge, and think whistfully of what could have been, if only they weren't coworkers.
UHURA: Aren't you scared?
SULU: No.
UHURA: Why?
SULU: Kirk is about to talk the bad guy into blowing up his whole invasion fleet.
(BOOM)
UHURA: How the f*** does he do that?!
A rare clip from the never-aired season three episode, 'Spock Does Inventory'.
KIRK: Captain to Bridge. It's the 23rd century, why are we still communicating with the intercom from a 1990s apartment building?
"Hello, this is Carlton your doorman"
Spock: "You said you'd relieve me at 04:30 hours. It is not yet 04:30 hours. In all fairness, this chair is mine for another twenty-three minutes."
Kirk (to Martine): So... what are you doing after the ceremony?
Kirk: So you're telling me we can only get the party size in Hawaiian?
Scott: Pineapple? Borgus frat!
Spock: You are not getting the chair back, Captain. Please do not make me press this button labelled "trap door".
Sulu (thinking): Uhura's really focused on her duties. I'm impressed. This cross-training program is working out really well. I think I'll recommend to the captain that she be promoted permanently to chief navigator.
Uhura (thinking): How the hell do I turn off this damn starfield screensaver?!?
Stiles: Sir, we're kind of busy here...
Spock: Just a couple more, lieutenant. What about 8 down: seven letters, "a flower whose name was derived from a word meaning 'tobacco'"...
Crewman: I'll have an Altair sandwich with ham and cheese.
Spock: One ham and cheese sandwich.
Crewman: Ahem.
Spock: Dye the ham green.
Spock: I don't care if it's "bumming out the crew," the Carpenters are logical.
Kirk: But Uhura just can't stand that one.
Spock: I don't care if it's "bumming out the crew," the Carpenters are logical.
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0ui1xZcFmI[/yt]
Spock: You are not getting the chair back, Captain. Please do not make me press this button labelled "trap door".
Kirk pushes the button. Spock encounters the command chair's commode mode, with full suction.
Kirk: And now to send these two on a dangerious away mission to seal the deal!
Kirk: Scotty, is there a breeze in here?
Scotty: No captain, you forgot your pants again.
Kirk: That would explain why everyone is staring at me.
Kirk: Spock, get your skinny Vulcan butt out of my chair, you're messing up my ass groove!
Sulu: She's pretty but she doesn't have a penis...
Spocky: Excellent, the new recurits from White Guy 7 are doing well on their first day in engineering...
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