CAN'T FIX CRAZY... continued
AKA
What Goes Around, Comes Around
Gina & Norma implore Nicky to go to Red and help her out of her funk.
Nicky tries to shirk her duty...
Nicky: And what am I supposed to say, that its all gonna be okay? She's a very bright woman,
she knows how fucked she is.
...but the adopted daughter Red trusts THE MOST knows that when it comes to family... sometimes you just
have to suck it up.
She finds Red in the common room, heating up a cup of noodles in the microwave.
OH how the MIGHTY have fallen... from feeding hundreds in an industrial kitchen to eating instant noodles out of a Styrofoam cup.
Nicky is still carrying her Secret Santa Sock around with the names of the white girls in Red's family AND Vause/Chapman for good measure. She tries to tempt Red with the Russian's fav holiday... but isn't getting far.
Red: Not this year, Nicky. I'm not in the mood.
Nicky: Come on, Red. You
love Christmas. Your sons come up, I mean
with their big haired wives. I can't wait to see what Sparkle Tits is wearing this year.
Red: Sparkle Tits and Yuri have split. She took the kids
AND the Tits
AND the guinea pig and moved to Sheepshead Bay.
Red asked about breakfast and was disappointed it wasn't a total failure without her. Nicky tried to let her down gently, but she couldn't lie about how well the meal went. She even tried to get Red to cut Gloria some slack. In the end, the "daughter" advised the "mother"...
Nicky: You're tougher than woodpecker lips, you'll be okay.
(Red looks dejectedly into her "cup of noodles" as Nicky sighs and pulls a name from the "sock". She hands the piece of paper to Red)
Nicky: Here, just get whoever, something nice.
Its good Karma... sometimes that shit
comes back around.
If only Red had listened.
Instead she tries to involve Gina (the squirrel) and Norma (the silent one) in her scheme to "fuck with the kitchen" by ruining the food or throwing off the serving times to make the prisoners "revolt". The women don't seem keen on the idea and we see why when we cut from Red exhorting sabotage to Gloria intercepting them in the pantry.
Loved it when Gloria went all wise / maternal...
"I've got 4 kids, I know every trick there is" as Gina tried to lie her way out of trouble. Gloria was fair, giving them a 2nd chance THIS time, but she was clear there wouldn't be a 3rd chance next time.
Later that night, after yet another successful meal out of the Red-less kitchen,
a desperate woman does a desperate thing.
Using her personal pass keys, Red
breaks into the prison Kitchen that night and tries to foul the deep fat fryers with (?) sugar, the rice with salt and the inside of one of the ovens with cooking oil.
Oh
Red. 
Speaking of desperate women, two of them were meeting in the Assistant warden's office that first morning.
Fig is lounging in her chair behind the big desk, fake smiling at Piper, who was perched uncomfortably on the front of her chair. If you can sit "at attention", then that's what Piper's doing.
Fig mentions all the great programs "they" are providing for the inmates in the new year, first and foremost is the resumption of the GED program. Fig notes that people have been "misinformed" and spread that same
misinformation on the radio where others who write "articles" caught the show.
Piper has now caught on... "Oh you mean Larry's radio thing"
Fig hands her a memo with all the "great work" they were doing/planning to do at Litchfield and asks her to update Piper's husband in case there was another radio show.
Piper recognizes an opening when she sees it. "Of Course" she replies, and a very self satisfied Fig leans back into her desk chair, smiling broadly.
And so does Piper... lean back in her chair, relaxing perceptibly cuz honey... this WASP knows how to play
THIS game.
Piper: That would only serve all of us, right?
Fig: That's right.
(Smile doubles)
Piper: (Slouches slightly in her chair) But you know... I'm
not the only one who's been talking to Larry...
(Her poker face betrays NO emotion) Counselor Healy has spoken with him.
Fig: (looks honestly puzzled) Why was Healy speaking to your husband?
Piper: (Poker face) He called to tell him I was having a lesbian affair with another inmate.
Fig: (Looks disgusted as she mutters) Oh good Christ
Piper reassures Fig that she's
not upset over the
misinformation Healy was spreading, and would be less upset if Fig found a way to get her a marriage request form AND Fig's permission to marry her fiancé while Piper is still an inmate.
When Fig agreed... Piper's face finally broke into a smile.
I don't think she'd be smiling if she knew about the letter the guards just opened from her fiancé... Larry Bloom... to her former lover... Alex Vause.
Wanda: He's asking... will she add him to her visitation list. "We need to talk." he says.
The black lady guard cooed "Oh...
Scandal" as the overweight white male guard Sam O'neil
(the one dating Wanda Bell) suggested Larry was conspiring with Alex to "have a threesome."
Wanda: (sarcastically to her lover) Been thinking of that a lot, have you? Chapman and Vause?
(Proving once again the guards know more than the prisoners think)
Sam: I'm not saying something we don't all know.
So be careful guys if you write to anyone in prison... because not only do they open the cards to check for drugs and weapons and contraband,
they also read the letters!!!
as Trekdom Trembles....
(it was bigger than an 8x10) and it was laying at my feet while Patrick Stewart was on stage. All of a sudden he comes over to where I'm sitting and asks me for the photo and says "how can I keep talking when this is sitting up here staring at me" and holds up the picture 
