TNG Caption This! 308: The day LeadHead broke the server

[Holdfast]

RIKER: OK, got them all written down? Good. Run along now and get everyone's drinks.

DATA (observing the others): So it's true; some men really do just want to watch the world burn.

FERENGI: How do you like my Worf hand puppet? If I wiggle my fingers, I can make him talk.

TROI: No Captain, THIS is a facepalm.

 

[Triskelion]

Worf: Hmm, perhaps it was not a good idea to kill Steve Jobs in that alternate timeline.

 

[Kirby]

It seemed like an odd choice for Beverly to chose an adaptation of the late 20th century movie Major League for her next play.

Riker/Roger Dorn: "I want a word with you here Lou, it says right here in my contract that I don't have to do any calastenics that I don't feel are necessary."

Picard occasionally like to join Security in their rounds. Unfortunately being directly beneath the rehersal hall, at that exact moment, was just wrong place/wrong time.

 

[Mojochi]

Worf: In the Klingon version.... the birds are angrier

Captain's Log: I really need to think about transferring Ensign Gomez, before she can ruin my snazzy velour jacket

Picard: The Nexus, gentlemen. Number One, I never want to hear the word Risa come out of your fat face again

Ferengi: No DaiMon, I am Worf's bitch now. You will have to win me from him in battle

Riker: Don't worry, I'll get relieved of duty before I let Jellico make you cover up that fabulous rack with a uniform

 

[jep]

Neither security guard could believe what they were seeing... a Ferengi, turning a Klingon into his own personal hand puppet.


.

 

[Mysterion]

Patrick Stewart (to self): Bruce Willis got famous doing this kind of crap? Remember the mortgage payment, remember the mortgage...

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: I know it has been hard losing Wil. It hasn't been easy for me either, not to mention losing Beverly as well.

Troi: Only if I agreed to take the helm at Veridian III. I bet we wouldn't be here in the Delta Quadrant chasing those pesky maquis

*few days later*

Picard and Geordi: Warp Particles!

Chakotay: *sigh*

 

[Triskelion]

Worf: It says here that Commander William Riker did not click on any Facebook affiliate links this year and all deleted photos from the past twenty years are being auto-reposted.

Riker: Fucking Zuckerborg.

Worf: Nice rainbow suspenders. I did not know you had a Mork from Ork phase.

Captain's log supplemental: Next time add a plumber to the crew who isn't descended from cultures with time-and-a-half holidays every day of the year.

Picard: Watch out for snakes.

Lieutenant Snark: Sexually harass much Umax Boy?
Lieutenant Rack: I swear, sometimes it's like he doesn't even watch interstellar porn.

Picard: Is it brain freeze?
Troi: Yes. It is brain freeze. From my invisible chocolate sundae.
Picard: Perhaps you should slow down.
Troi: Idiot.

 

[Finn]

Worf: ....At 0530 hours, the Xyran Ambassador broke into Guinan's stash. At 0602 hours, Ensign M'pok accident set off the security alarm in the Science labs...

Riker: There's nothing on that padd, is there?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

With apologies to Karnac...

Troi: A nail, a board, and a redshirt.

(opens envelope)

Troi: Name something that's hammered, something that's sawed, and something that's screwed.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Hold on, I gotta take this.

Transfer to DS9 approved.

WORF: Ha! Later you fat, fur-faced jerk. I'm out here!

Please report for duty aboard station Deep Space Nine in two weeks.

WORF: Damn, I should really learn to hold back until I've read the entire message.

 

[Triskelion]

Worf: Rake, stack, steam heat, kick ball change and jazz hands? This dance is without honor!

 

[Triskelion]

Worf: It says here that the Enterprise D's stardrive section was destroyed and the saucer section crash landed on the surface of the planet Veridian III.

Riker: Wikipedia?

Worf: Yes.

Riker: Does it say anything about Captain Riker?

Worf <tapping keys>: No.

 

[Isis]

LeadHead, TFTW.

Try as she might, Troi could never remember to hit "reply" instead of "reply all."

Worf: "Damn, she hit 'reply all' again."

 

[Isis]

When the Enterprise crew played hide-and-seek, the Ferengi trainee hid in Picard's up-to-now unknown "wax museum salon."

Captain's log, Stardate 45345.6. Someone started a sentence with "I sense you're unhappy" in front of Deanna, and she finally realized how obnoxious that sounds.

 

[LeadHead]

New contest starts later today!

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

New contest starts later today!

Let it be.

 

[Riker's Libido]

Worf: What is this, a Nexus 7?

Riker: Yep. From the old Earth brand, "Google".

Worf: This motherfucker is old.

 

[Riker's Libido]

Picard: That shit is beautiful, dogg.

Riker: I've seen a thousand sunsets in a thousand star systems, but this one gives me a boner and makes my asshole tingle.

Geordi: I just want to live in this moment, living here looking at this sunset. It's so good.


Data: This caption is fuckin' awesome, guys. Good job.

 

[Riker's Libido]

Troi: He RAPED me!


Riker: Um not that funny of a caption.