I apologise for this, because the post that follows is really nothing but an excuse to vent and moan, but I'm very frustrated and I currently feel a powerful need to share those frustrations. I'm sure many of you have similar problems, so I doubt what I'm saying is particularly surprising.
Basically, I'm having real difficulty coping with my inability to find work. I graduated in May 2011. It's been a year and a half, and the only work I've found in that entire period was a two-month stint in a 10-hour-a-week retail job that ended when the company went into administration.
There are, of course, various local courses I could take to gain further minor qualifications, but these cost money, and I'm reluctant to splash out on acquiring specific qualifications that I don't know will be useful or meaningful, or lead to anything productive. You might say every little addition on a CV helps, but if a Cambridge degree can't get you work, I have little faith that some four-month training certificate from the local job centre will make much of a difference. Moreover, I don't know what I want to do - I've never had any specific career in mind. That ultra-focused mentality in which you pursue a goal at any cost has just never been me, and I question how any specificity is at all wise given that if you can't find work in that particular field (and I assume from the get-go that you can't, given how crowded most fields seem to be), then you're presumably screwed. So I could, say, take a teacher training course, which turns out to be utterly pointless and a waste of money, because I don't know if I'm at all interested in working in schools.
It was the same thing when I considered applying for a journalism course earlier in the year - I didn't, because I don't know if I want to do journalism or if I'll be good at it, and I didn't want to spend the money and commit to the course without guarantees that it would be worthwhile.
I'm going half-mad with the sheer frustration of it all. I write to charities, museums, libraries, archives, etc, asking if there's any way in which I can be useful, any internships or entry-level positions, or work experience that might lead to a job, and I'm told there's nothing but the list of vacancies on their website (typical number of vacancies: two, both for positions clearly far out of my league). I try publishers, etc, and I get nowhere. I hand out CVs at local shops that offer some sort of work even if it's barely more than the jobseeker's allowance I get anyway, but I don't get called back or I'm overqualified, etc. I only got the ten-hour-a-week-job I mentioned because I popped into that shop regularly and caught the manager's attention, so he was already predisposed to me. And of course the company then went under, putting us all out of work - a reminder that even if I find something, the floor might give way at any time and I'll be back at zero.
The problem, I've decided, is contacts. Just like I got that job because the manager knew me beforehand, it seems to me you only ever get somewhere if you have a support network in place. Someone I knew at university, who graduated the same course as me, at the same time, stepped pretty much straight into a publishing job because her aunt owned a publishing company. But I don't have any links into the world, there were no connections to step sideways onto when leaving university. Indeed, there were no family businesses or family links to industries, etc, to give me inspiration or any clue as what to do with my qualifications as I was gaining them. The whole thing was a case of "well, we don't need to worry about him, because he's such a smart boy he'll just shoot right through the top of the educational system, no worrys!" And I did, and now I'm finding the entire thing was a waste.
I feel like life is one big snakes-and-ladders board, and I left university and immediately slid right down the biggest snake right to the bottom. And now I'm out of dice rolls. I can't get noticed, I can't find work, I can't contribute anything useful. Given my mental health issues, the longer I'm sitting around contributing nothing and getting nowhere, the worse I get, and the worse I get the less capable I am of actually taking advantage of those few opportunities that do arise.
Basically, I'm having real difficulty coping with my inability to find work. I graduated in May 2011. It's been a year and a half, and the only work I've found in that entire period was a two-month stint in a 10-hour-a-week retail job that ended when the company went into administration.
There are, of course, various local courses I could take to gain further minor qualifications, but these cost money, and I'm reluctant to splash out on acquiring specific qualifications that I don't know will be useful or meaningful, or lead to anything productive. You might say every little addition on a CV helps, but if a Cambridge degree can't get you work, I have little faith that some four-month training certificate from the local job centre will make much of a difference. Moreover, I don't know what I want to do - I've never had any specific career in mind. That ultra-focused mentality in which you pursue a goal at any cost has just never been me, and I question how any specificity is at all wise given that if you can't find work in that particular field (and I assume from the get-go that you can't, given how crowded most fields seem to be), then you're presumably screwed. So I could, say, take a teacher training course, which turns out to be utterly pointless and a waste of money, because I don't know if I'm at all interested in working in schools.
It was the same thing when I considered applying for a journalism course earlier in the year - I didn't, because I don't know if I want to do journalism or if I'll be good at it, and I didn't want to spend the money and commit to the course without guarantees that it would be worthwhile.
I'm going half-mad with the sheer frustration of it all. I write to charities, museums, libraries, archives, etc, asking if there's any way in which I can be useful, any internships or entry-level positions, or work experience that might lead to a job, and I'm told there's nothing but the list of vacancies on their website (typical number of vacancies: two, both for positions clearly far out of my league). I try publishers, etc, and I get nowhere. I hand out CVs at local shops that offer some sort of work even if it's barely more than the jobseeker's allowance I get anyway, but I don't get called back or I'm overqualified, etc. I only got the ten-hour-a-week-job I mentioned because I popped into that shop regularly and caught the manager's attention, so he was already predisposed to me. And of course the company then went under, putting us all out of work - a reminder that even if I find something, the floor might give way at any time and I'll be back at zero.
The problem, I've decided, is contacts. Just like I got that job because the manager knew me beforehand, it seems to me you only ever get somewhere if you have a support network in place. Someone I knew at university, who graduated the same course as me, at the same time, stepped pretty much straight into a publishing job because her aunt owned a publishing company. But I don't have any links into the world, there were no connections to step sideways onto when leaving university. Indeed, there were no family businesses or family links to industries, etc, to give me inspiration or any clue as what to do with my qualifications as I was gaining them. The whole thing was a case of "well, we don't need to worry about him, because he's such a smart boy he'll just shoot right through the top of the educational system, no worrys!" And I did, and now I'm finding the entire thing was a waste.
I feel like life is one big snakes-and-ladders board, and I left university and immediately slid right down the biggest snake right to the bottom. And now I'm out of dice rolls. I can't get noticed, I can't find work, I can't contribute anything useful. Given my mental health issues, the longer I'm sitting around contributing nothing and getting nowhere, the worse I get, and the worse I get the less capable I am of actually taking advantage of those few opportunities that do arise.
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Apparently, one of the feelers I put out has paid off, and I might have found a publishing company willing to take me on temporarily as an unpaid intern in exchange for some editorial work experience. So there's something for me to make the most of.
The hardest part is getting your foot on the ladder. Once you're on the ladder things tend to get easier.
