VOY Caption This 84; Feminine Wiles...

[Ln X]

Another day, another caption contest...

Ahem... OUR WINNERS!

The mates-with-lizards award goes to:

Torres: "I can't believe you slept with the Captain"
Paris: "Turn into a lizard and i'll sleep with you too"

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The Tom's mating algorithm award goes to:

Harry: Here's a computer algorhythm I designed to track down all the women Tom has been with in the last 3 months, complete with frequency of encounters and likelihood of successfull fertilization based on Human/Alien DNA.

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The all-the-colours-of-the-rainbow award goes to:

"Alright, B'Elanna, we've seen what happens when these things are exposed to spores from cheese. Now, let's see what happens when we expose them to some LDS!"

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The Kathy's humiliation award goes to:

Janeway's reaction to learning she just mated with Paris in Threshold.

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The goodbye Harry Kim award goes to:

Kes: "What's the bad news?"

Torres: "Our shuttle only has enough power to carry two people."

Kim: "What?"

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And now the special award:

Paris: (Her targ is humping my leg again!)
Torres: (This is so embarrasing...)

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Some double-tag captioning action here:

Kim: "You want me to configure your holomatrix to make you look ...

Kim: ... act and think like James T. Kirk. So that you can get us all back to the Federation by the end of this episode?

What a great idea, should have thought of this sooner.

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Heads up to the winners!

Today's theme: feminine wiles! The pictures to be captioned:

Next contest will be up in about a week and a tad bit's time...

Until then enjoy!

 

[Ln X]

Chakotay: A gift from my tribe; stuffed Muffee.
Janeway: Sorry?
Chakotay: It's a dog, stuffed!
Janeway: A dog? What kind of barbarism is this?

Girl: More viagra Harry?

Janeway: Come on people! If I can live without coffee, you can sure as hell live without water!

Doctor: It's quite serious, you've put on a few pounds of weight, so much so your corsets may burst...

Doctor: Oh my! Ocampan feet are an orgasmic zone?

 

[LeadHead]

Chakotay: I knew you missed your dog, so I turned Neelix into this.

Terminator-X: I'm really gonna enjoy this...

Janeway didn't realize the crew was following her lead until it was too late...

Doctor: I'm sorry, Seven. You are no longer Cadiscot champion.

The Doctor: So, Ocampan life lines are in their feet?

 

[Finn]

The real reason Harry Kim didn't want to leave...

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Janeway: "I thought the Federation Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Tribbles had banned you from doing that ritual."
Chakotay: "Delta Quadrant..."
Janeway: "Right, Akoochimoya time again."

Kim: thinking "I think it might actually happen. I might get laid this time."
Girl with tray: "So, are you a lesbian too?"

Janeway: "Maybe around the next ridge..."
Chakotay: "I can't believe you forgot Kirk's first rule of landing party etiquette."
Everyone else in chorus: "Remember where we parked!"
Janeway: "Shut up and keep walking!"

Doctor: "Ah, the pensive stare into the distance preceding emotional musing."
Janeway: "Soon to be followed by 'smell the fart' acting."
Doctor: "No doubt some lengthy technobabble about unimatrices and nanotechnology."

"Bridge to EMH, a Marcellus Wallace is in transporter room two with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch inquiring as to whereabouts of Mrs Wallace..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

EMH: At least it's not Lupus.

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win. Good to see we're on a regular pace with these again!

Janeway: A new medicine bundle?
Chakotay: Q did leave that puppy on the ship when he tried seducing you.
Janeway: Janeway to Tuvok. Report to my ready room. Bring your phaser.

Harry thought it was going so well until he woke up the next morning naked, hanging from the ceiling and covered in whip lashes.

Janeway: Walk softly and carry a big rock.

Seven: Do these neck implants bring out the color of my eyes?

EMH: Yes Nurse, it's customary for all medical practitioners to test their massage abilities on their staff.

 

[LeadHead]

Everything was going great... Until they found out he was still an Ensign...

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Thanks for the win

"Permission to speak freely, Captain? I think you'd look damn fine in this beagle-skin bikini."

"That's right ladies... in the Federation, Ensign super cedes the rank of Captain. So, I'm kind of a big deal."

Janeway: These Kazon may not look superior, but their tactical prowess is unmatched by any race we've ever encountered before!

Chakotay: Not true! Once, aboard the Maquis ship, we had to outwit some Cardassian pursuers!

B'Elanna: I remember that! Then we had to outrun a Galaxy-class ship in the Badlands!

Kim: I think that Ferengi bartender at Deep Space Nine was more threatening and intimidating than these clowns.

Neelix: Now that I think of it, Captain, I believe Voyager is the first ship ever in the quadrant to get overtaken by the Kazon.

"As you can see, the results are back. That strange growth? It was actually a penis that was folded back when the Doctor fitted you for your suit. You're actually a male. And your name isn't Annika. It's Enrique. Enrique Hansen."

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: Sorry Chakotay, the puppet show's been canceled, by popular demand.

KIM: Yes, they call me the Korean Elvis.

JANEWAY: Keep looking people, no one beams up till we find that contact lens!

 

[LeadHead]

Chakotay: B'Elanna asked me to bring this back to you. Tell me, you weren't too attached to the sweater you let her borrow, were you?

Janeway's plan worked perfectly; distract Harry with a bunch of attractive Trill Women and have them put a symbiont in him once he was relaxed, changing his personality forever.

Janeway: No one beams up until we find the commbadges!

Doctor: Look on the bright side, you'll be gone long before the surprise party Neelix planned for you.

The Doctor: Please state the nature of the toenail emergency.

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: Keep looking people, no one beams up till we find that dog!

CHAKOTAY:Dog? There are no dogs on starships.

GIRL: Try the dog.

KES:My dogs are worn out looking for that damned dog.

EMH: Should we tell her about the dog?

CHAKOTAY: We found your dog,

JANEWAY: Dog? There are no dogs on starships.

 

[Finn]

Kim: *thinking* Let's keep an eye out for dropped pips

Janeway: ...And everybody need to be sure they don't lose their pips or Mr. Kim will try to pick up one.

Kim: *sigh*

 

[Velocity]

Hi ho, hi ho! It's off to syndication we go!

You really fit in here, Harry. You're just like one of the girls!

Chakotay: I found your slippers in the holodeck again Katherine.

Janeway smiles and hums a little Irish ditty.

 

[Violet.Phoenix]

Chakotay: "Kathryn, I found a way to bring that monkey back with us from New Earth."

Sadly, no one remembered to bring sunglasses on this particular venture. Later reports indicate that two crew members were blinded in the incident. Sunglasses quickly became a staple for all away missions.

Doctor: "Good thing you brought her to me, Captain. That coffee nearly short-circuited her!"

Janeway: "I did warn her it was potent."

Doctor: "Tell me, Kes, why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" on your foot?

Kes: (incredulously) Neelix told me it was courage!

Doctor: *sigh* Either Mr. Neelix serioulsy misunderstood the database or he's desperate to advertise his latest version of leola root soup.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"Muscles" Chakotay brings Honcho Janeway the head of the Furrvian ambassador. The ambassador was warned that Janeway's overture was an offer he couldn't refuse.

Harry: "Why yes, I am well versed in playing with my clarinet. Why do you ask?"

Janeway: "Stop complaining. The Captain always stands alone, even in the three-legged race. There's always a chance that one of you not tied to Neelix might still win!"

 

[Bob Karo]

Kim: thinking "I think it might actually happen. I might get laid this time."
Girl with tray: "So, are you a lesbian too?"

Kim:...

YES!

Why, yes. Yes I am.

 

[Mistral]

Kim: "You know, you girls are the only women to pay any attention to me in seven years?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Hooker #1: "No problem, Sugar! As long as that Federation VISA card scan comes back 'Valid,' we'll call you 'Lieutenant' for as long as you want!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

[/B]

JANEWAY: Says here, not to feed them after midnight.

CHAKOTAY: Uh, what time is it?

JAMEWAY: Oh and watch out for rattlesnakes.