TNG Caption This! 274: Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc

[LeadHead]

Happy Saturday everyone! Hope that you're doing well! Sorry about this starting a little late in the evening!

First up to the plate, we have the "Expensive Date" Award, going to:

Troi: "Cheap floozy? I sense you've drastically underestimated me."

Male saloon patron (OS): "I have?"

Troi: "Absolutely. I assure you I'm an expensive floozy."

Next, we have the "Difficult Questions" Award, going to:

Picard: "How long until the lateral sensor array is online again, Mr LaForge?"
LaForge: "Um, reply hazy, try again."

Next, we have the "Things are different on the inside" Award, going to:

Que: "Careful now ... without my powers, I'm soft and delicate."

Worf: "Oh, the other prisoners in the brig are going to love you."

Next, we have the "Effective Advertising" Award, going to:

"Hello. I'm Jean-Luc Picard for the Federation Express Card. Don't leave the quadrant without it!"

Next, we have the "Vulcans 101" Award, going to:

Picard: "Very good. Now simply begin to spread your middle and index fingers from your ring and little fingers, and there you have the Vulcan greeting.

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

MAID: Sign said "closed for cleaning" dumbass. Now I gotta vacuum again!

Whalen: I think this is a local gesture that means 'raise the roof'.
Data: There appears to be sufficient clearance. Why should we wish to elevate it further?

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

New contest! Go! Go!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: Captain, I do not understand your reaction. You said: "Fire at Will."

Computer: And if you direct your attention to the bow of the ship, you will see a dangerous spatial anomaly moving toward us at extreme speed.

Troi: Forgot your password again?

Worf: Last one to kill Wesley has no honor!

Worf: (thinking) Which glass did I poison again?

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"Captain, I'm sensing... frustration... and apprehension. You're upset you didn't win the Star Trek Movies I - X Caption Contest, aren't you?"

 

[Gepard]

"And there it is. The Acuvue Nebula."

 

[Eydie Munroe]

The crew discovered that no matter what they tried, the wax figure of himself that Riker gave them for Christmas could not be destroyed.

All (singing): It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine...

Troi: Pouting is not going to help you, Captain. The wall between Beverly's shower and yours isn't going to mysteriously disappear a second time.
Picard: Damned Laforge...

Finally, the crew could take no more of Wesley telling them how to do their jobs...

Worf: Now I'm going to show you the mating call of the lonely engineer.
Pulaski: Like this?
Worf: No. You are using too much courage.

 

[Holdfast]

DATA: First season Riker really is wooden.

PICARD: Giant hands are going to appear to stretch it wider open any moment, I just know it.

PICARD: It's not fair! I want to wear panties! I let your wear a non-standard uniform and no-one complains, but when I try it...

RIKER: Damn burrito.

WORF: They say Kahless used to warm his hands like this; now, we all do it in his honour.

 

[Finn]

Paramount exec #1 (OV): Here's the new HD version of TNG's The Price

Paramount exec #2 (OV): There's something familiar about this.

Paramount exec #1: It probably something from Babylon Five

Paramount exec #2: Yeah, those fans wouldn't notice anything

 

[Ln X]

Tasha: Did he just take a phaser blast?
Picard: He's a clone... Doctor you know what to do.

Wesley: Where's the sperm?

Picard: I have a problem counsellor, it is something to do with sexual repression and your tight outfits are not helping!

Wesley's attempts to converse with the Traveller were met with much dismay and outrage...

Worf: Klingon herbal tea... With mint frosting!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Stewart: "I understand Rick's and Brannon's desire to capitalize on the super hero craze. I just don't think 'Indestructable Catatonic Riker' is the best way to go."

Riker: "Nanites in the K-Y Jelly? Nanites? The punk is dead this time! He's dead!"

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Picard; That's no gaseous anomaly, it's a space station!

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Riker: Chase him into that extended fist!

 

[dg1379]

Hey LeadHead, maybe I'm just not seeing it but what is the Photoshop in Alrik's caption? It seems to be the same as the previous one.

 

[LeadHead]

You are totally correct. Copy and pasting accident. Will attempt to fix.


EDIT: Fixed!

 

[R. Star]

Picard: Point blank range and you hit his armpit? The bloody armpit?!

Barzan Leader: There you have it, the Barzan wormhole, open to penetration to whichever race has the most sperm shaped vessel.

Troi: It's a natural biological deteroration for everyone, Captain. There's no shame in it.
Picard: I am not asking Beverly for viagra!

Wesley's attempt to return to the cast in season 5 was not well recieved.

Even Klingon honor could justify the necesity of poisoning Doctor Pulaski.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: No effect, Captain. He's just too dense.

PICARD: Okay, who's idea was it to play "Black Hole Sun" over the comm system?

TROI: I'm sure no one else has noticed you're bald.

Wes knew those nude holos of Troi would come back to haunt him.

WORF: What's that slight undertaste? Cinnamon?

PULASKI: Rohypnol

WORF: Wait...whaaaa

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "I'm wrestling with a dilemma, Deanna, and I need your input. So tell me, if I actually were to sleep with your mother, do you think she would get all clingy afterward?"

 

[shivkala]

Riker: Don't phase me, bro!

Picard: What you see here is, in layman's terms, a plot hole. We use it whenever we have something that doesn't make sense, but nonetheless advances the plot. It is, however, ineffective against pedantic, geeky, anal-retentives who live in their parent's basements...

All right, I confess. I haven't been a good captain ... I hate being captain. I have this terrible un-un-uncontrollable fear whenever I see space. When I was a kid I used to hate the sight of stars. My mother said I was a fool! She said the only cure for it was to become a starship catpain. So I spent FIVE GHASTLY YEARS at the Starfleet Academy!

Can you imagine what it's like... staring at the same viewscreen for five years?

I didn't want to be a starship captain anyway. I wanted to be... a lumberjack!

Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia! The Fir! The Larch! The Redwood! The mighty Scots Pine!

The plucky little Aspen! The great limping rude tree of Nigeria!

The smell of fresh-cut timber! The crash of mighty trees!

With my best gal by my side, we'd sing, SING...

After a long day, the crew was known to have some pretty intense Duck, Duck, Goose sessions in engineering.

Worf: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched cups when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a business transaction on Ferenginar, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Klingon when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...

 

[inflatabledalek]

The painstaking frame by frame HD remastering at work.

Picard: Why is it chasing Patrick McGoohan?

Troi: Trust me, you do the facepalm, I'll take the photo, and we'll split the money 50/50.

Wes: Christ, I said I liked playing the game, not being on the game...

Dorn: More people came to Gates' leaving do.

 

[Leviathan]

Data: This facility is crude, but it should be adequate to freeze Riker for his journey.

Picard: That's no moon, it's a space station.

Troi: I sense something; a presence I've not felt since...

Picard over the Comm: Commander, tear this ship apart until you find those plans! And bring me all passengers, I want them ALIVE!

Worf: I have the death sentence on twelve systems!
Pulaski: I'll be careful.
Worf: You'll be dead!




...now then, I just need a SW caption contest I can cram some 'Wrath of Khan' quotes into...

 

[shivkala]

^
Nicely done!