DS9 Caption Contest #59: Rom; from Idiot Brother to Idiot Nagus

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Sorry about the longer than expected delay, I came back sick from my travels and I very much dislike judging when I'm sick or grumpy (I was both) I just feel it's pretty dumb for me to judge something that so many people put so much creativity and humor into if I can't muster up any myself. ( I still don't know how I managed to get out of the doldrums long enough to do the TNG Contest) I hope that makes sense to you all, and I'm eager to move on!

First up to the plate, we have the "Excessive Marketing" Award, going to:

Sisko: YES! YES I AM PERFECTLY SATISFIED WITH MY LONG-DISTANCE CARRIER!

Next, we have the "Why didn't we see this coming?" Award, going to:

Eddington:...and that's why when that Cardassian warship docks, we should leave it completely unguarded. Nothing to worry about, I won't plant a bomb or anything and scream out "for the Maquis". Of course I won't. That would just be stupid.

Odo: (snorts) I think Quark would make a better security officer than this guy.

Next, we have the "Open and Shut Case" Award, going to:

EDDINGTON: It's not what it looks like!!!!!

SISKO: What it look like is you shot the Bolian for no apparent reason.

EDDINGTON: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like.

Next, we have the "Secret Abilities" Award, going to:

O'Brien: Damn, your Jack Nicholson as the Joker impression is pretty good! Now do Jack in The Shining!

Next, we have the "Easily Distracted" Award, going to:

Odo: I don't know what you guys are looking at, but the changeling is by that corner of the bridge!

In lieu of a Photoshop award, I present the "Fat Tony Lifetime Achievement Award," to:

Sisko: "Mr Eddington, my colleagues and I were wondering where that money that you owe us is.

My wife has been troubling me these past few days with her incessant questioning "Where is the money, when are you going to get the money, why have you not got the money now? and so on..."

{learning forward}

"So, where,is,the,money?"

Sisko: "Good news, people. It looks increasingly likely that the virus only affects Bolians!"

Many thanks to everyone for participating and congratulations to our winners! and once again, thanks for you patience with me this last time around.

We are starting to close in on the final contests of our run through the characters of DS9, next up: Rom!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Rom: Huh. Captain Bo-Day isn't the only one with a transparent skull...

Odo: We've decided to end the "Torture O'Brien" episodes.

Rom: Great!

Odo: They're now "Torture Rom" episodes.

Quark: What?! You want fair pay, sick leave, reasonable hours?

Rom: Yeah!

Quark: What do you think this is, America in the 1990's?

Quark: Okay, we want to work in Ops too.

Rom: Yeah, we think we could be great comic relief!

Sisko: What do you guys think?

Kira and Worf: No.

Rom: Quark says I'm not interested enough in profit. He's making me stare at Gold-Press-Latinum for 3 hours a day until I change.

 

[Mr Silver]

Rom: "Mwahaha! Your Vulcan nerve pinch is useless, I will repair this relay and there is nothing that you can do to stop me!"

Odo: "Is that all?"

Rom: "No, I crapped in your bucket"

Quark: "I told Bashir that a Ferengi doesn't have a prostate, but would he listen? NO!"

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Rom: Uh, brother, I don't think you were supposed to put a Cardassian Vole up there.
Quark: Of course not, Rom, or I wouldn't be in Sickbay would I?

Rom: Rom isn't here now, Lt. Torrence...

O'Brien: Look, just help me clean up and I won't tell anyone that you literally tried to piss your money away...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Rom (whispering): "I can't help it, Brother! The way these human females just casually walk around with their clothes on gives me an enormous boner!"
Sisko: "I heard that."
Kira: "So did I."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Quark (offscreen): "Yes, people. He drew that. When he was 12. Is this the sort of sad, pathetic man you want to be following? (Under his breath) I knew this would be useful one day..."

Kira: "According to this, the Ferengi contribution to the war effort is a free refill at Quarks'"

Sisko: "We were hoping for troops and arms, gentlemen".

Quark: "Have we not given enough?! Our wallets have bled for you people!"

O'Brien: "Rom, as a fellow engineer, I can assure you, you've chosen the right construction material for the project. The structural integrity of a house built of latinum bricks will be far superior to Quark's house of straw. The Big Bad Brunt won't be troubling you in future".

 

[Nerys Myk]

ROM: Well, Kira did say if she caught you she'd put a boot up your ass.

ODO: You've been nicked, mate.

ROM: They're right, everything does sound better with an English accent!

Rom discovered the the "keep the females naked" rule was best applied on a case by case basis.

ROM: Brother, remember what happened last time Kira caught you staring.

QUARK: The boot?

ROME: The boot.

A DS9 Christmas Carol

With Rom as Ebenezer Scrooge

and Miles O'Brien as Bob Crachit

 

[Rush Limborg]

Rom: I...wonder if a cyborg Quark would be less heartless to his employees....

Rom: These aren't the Ferengi you're looking for.

Rom: The...the Yankees...lost...to the RED SOX???

Rom: Duh...Brother? You...know that feeling when you have a sudden urge to stare at an unsuspecting Bajoran female?

Quark: (looks) Yeah...?

Rom: I don't have it.

Kira: Quark, if you don't stop staring, I'm going to break your wrists, you hear?

Quark: You idiot....

Rom: SORR-yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....

O'Brien: Staring at them intensely won't increase your net worth, Rom.

Rom: SHHH! I'm trying to concentrate!

 

[Ln X]

Thanks for the win LeadHead!

Rom: Quark oo-moxs himself!
Quark: Quiet Rom, or I'll dock half your pay!

Rom: Are you a female wanting to date with me?
Odo: (sighs) Yes Rom, I think it would be nice if we dated in the detention cell.

Quark (o/s): Rom here's the deeds to the bar; I'm giving it all to you.

Quark: How much for the Bajoran female?
Kira: What?
Quark: The Bajoran female, how much does she cost?
Kira: I'm not for sale!
Quark: And the Trill woman, how much for her to?
Kira: You say that again and I'll punch those words right back into your miserable little mouth!
Quark: And all the women to. How much for all of them, the major and the Trill one?
Sisko: Three bricks and four bars of gold pressed latinum.

<stunned silence from all the woman>

O'Brien: Leeta left you?
Rom: Yeah... I keep thinking about the 231st rule of Acquisition; the lust for money overcomes ones libido.
O'Brien: Is it working?
Rom: No...

 

[T'Girl]

Rom: "Dr. Bashir is looking at a display now."

Quark: "What does the display say?"

Rom: "Apparently there's a sale at Penney's."

 

[Bob Karo]

Quark (offscreen): "Yes, people. He drew that. When he was 12. Is this the sort of sad, pathetic man you want to be following? (Under his breath) I knew this would be useful one day..."

Rom: It's not even that big of a deal, something like 8 percent of kids do it....

 

[shivkala]

Rom: "Dr. Bashir is looking at a display now."

Quark: "What does the display say?"

Rom: "Apparently there's a sale at Penney's."

Quark: "That's horrible!"
Rom: "I know brother, it's total malpractice, Dr. Bashir should be attending to you and not to his fetish for female undergarments."
Quark: "No, not Dr. Bashir, you moron! A sale! That's blasphemy! A sale, what will they think of next? Discounts?! Coupons?! I feel worse than when I came in!"

 

[Supernuke]

Thanks for the win!

Rom: I think I like this Hooman game of poker!
O'Brien (cursing under his breath): I think I'll go back to playing darts with Dr. Bashir. At least I know I can beat him and that can NEVER change... right?

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: You might want to put that back, turns out Quark isn't dead.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

O'Brien: "We were thinking about watching a James Bond flick tonight. I guess I don't have to ask which one you vote for."
Rom (sarcastically): "Ha, ha. Very funny, hew-mon!"

 

[Mistral]

Rom: "So, brother, duh, I sold the moon for 3 sheckels and a banana cream pie! How 'bout that?!?"

Quark: "Dear God, somebody shoot me!"

O'Brien: "You still haven't told him what you really got for the moon, have you?"

Rom: "Not really. I figured I'd let him freak out a bit more, first."

 

[Ln X]

Rom: NO LIFE INSURANCE!?!
Quark: Ssh!

In a first, the Vulcan death pinch brought a grin to Rom's face...

Quark: Fake or real?
Kira: Not now Quark...

O'Brien: Wake up dead man.
Rom: What?
O'Brien: Oh, just an expression.

 

[R. Star]

Quark: Ugh....
Rom: Well brother, Odo did say if caught you smuggling again he was going to shapeshift up your...
Quark: Be quiet!

Rom got the wrong idea when Odo accidentally brushed one of Rom's ears.

Rom was not happy when Quark revealed his brother's secret that he had his lobes enhanced.

Rom: Brother, why do you have a face on the back of your head.
Kira: At least that one doesn't have a butt on it's forehead.

When Quark told Rom that latinum and lust could be combined Rom got the wrong idea.

 

[Sumghai]

Rom (to himself, as he eyes Quark's larger share of the profits) - I'm sure brother wouldn't miss one measly strip.

 

[Nerys Myk]

OBRIEN: You'll need a lot more than that to acquire my entire collection of ROM comic books and action figures.