VOY Caption Contest 72: Pet Talaxian Rodent; Neelix!

[Ln X]

First of all I want to thank Yeoman Randi for formerly running this contest and giving everyone involved some good laughs and fun. Secondly I also want to thank Yeoman Randi for handing over the reins to me. Yeoman Randi also asked me to pick the winners.

Having said all that we now move on to: THE WINNERS!

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This award goes to jespah for one badass Star Trek title!

Star Trek: Fantastic Voyage – a Journey Through the Fallopian Tube.

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This award goes to bobarino for reminding us never to snub Neelix's cooking:

Tuvok: Captain I just finished analyzing the liquid in this container and it appears to be Talaxian urine

Janeway: I knew I should have told Neelix I liked that leyola root

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The Doctor's ineptitude is masterfully displayed by Disruptor here:

Woman: "Ack-ack!"
Doctor: "You've almost got the note, my dear!"
Woman: "I'm ch-choking, you dimwit! *Ack!*"

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The Laughing Vulcan brings up a good point about implants and what not:

1: "Curious. You state your disdain for the Borg, eschew their ethic, yet human females have been volunteering for implants since the twentieth century."

Janeway and Seven: "We don't know what you are talking about."

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A rather cheeky caption from Mr. Laser Beam:

Baby (knocking on glass): Hello? Get me out of here!! Where's the titties? HELLO?!?

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This week's Morning Cawfee Spew goes to the following entry, and let me tell ya this was a tough one to decide. Nerys Myk wrote this simple stunner:

JANEWAY: Could you step back through through the scanner? Make sure you've removed all metal objects and place them in the tray.

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For the photoshop winner, I give Mr. Laser Beam the Siberian Khatru award:

In Soviet Russia...fish catches YOU.

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Thank you to all involved, and there were so many other funny entries but those ones tickled my funny bone the most.

Having decided the winners, we now move on to Neelix or as Q so lovingly dubbed him 'the captain's pet talaxian rodent' or something like it. This is the first of VOY's main characters so with Neelix out of the way there'll be nine more to go...

And now here are the next batch of pictures which are dying to be captioned:


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(Note; sorry if the first two picture's size is a little off)

I'll let this run for one week and then I'll pick the winners and start a new caption contest.

Have fun!

 

[Ln X]

Neelixvision was something that did not fly.

Neelix: Mmm... This is so soft.
Kim: Tell me about it! The captain sleeps in that chair!

Kes: Neelix I'm breaking up with you because you are the galaxy's worst cook!

Neelix: Wixiban! You wanna sell some narcotics?

Neelix: I am Liquidator Neelix from the FCA!
Ferengi (out of sight): You're a Talaxian in disguise!

Twas in night whence the crew got their revenge on Neelix's horrible cooking.

Kim: Great job Neelix! Remind us all never to trust you on food providers again!

 

[T'Girl]

Janeway: "What's for dinner Neelix."
Neelix: "Something new, Mister Kim stew."
Janeway: "Sounds wonderful, what's in it?"
Neelix: "Mister Kim."

Kes: "After careful consideration Neelix, I've decided that it time for us to have sex.
Neelix: "I'm sorry my dear, but you're well over three years old, and quite frankly a bit elderly for my sexual tastes.
Kes: "Where do you think you're going?"
Neelix: "Excuse me, but I've volunteered to "babysit" Naomi, and it's almost our bedtime."
Kes: "You mean Naomi's bedtime."
Neelix: "Yeah, sure."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kes: "Well, fine, then! If a little thing like being considered a pedophile on 99 out of every 100 planets in the galaxy is enough to give you second thoughts, then maybe we shouldn't be together!"

 

[Finn]

*Applause breaks out off screen*

Janeway: (OS) Wonderful performance!

Paris: (OS) Where's the Doc

Torres: (OS) *smirks* He came in engineering the other day singing that damn klingon song. So I turned him into the donkey.

 

[Disruptor]

I won! I WON!

"Sarah Connor? I don't think there is anyone in the crew named that. Is that a plasma rifle?"

Janeway later realized telling Neelix "you may relieve yourself" while he was sitting in her chair was a really bad idea.

Kes: "It's just...I want to see other Benson cast members."

Nobody took Neelix's sleep woking seriously until the fire.

Neelix: "Is there anyone on board who hasn't turned into a zombie?"
Kim: "I don't know. Why?"
Neelix: "Because fresh brains sound really good all of the sudden."

 

[LeadHead]

A Neelix Cooking Reality Show? I'll take this over Gordon Ramsey ANY DAY.

Neelix: And no, Harry. You'll never be allowed to sit in this chair.

Kes: Neelix, I'm breaking up with you because, well, this relationship is just too creepy.

Neelix: Wix! It's so great to see you!

Wix: Yeah.... just one question, did you forget I said "I hope I never see you again?"

Neelix: I'm the Nagus' official messenger-

Ferengi: Email?

The Captain would have her steak well done and she didn't care if she had to use Life Support power to do it.

Kim: We got plastered... with actual plaster.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win!

Neelix: "Gesundheit..."
Tuvok os: "My apologies."
Kim: "I'm scarred for life!"

 

[JanewayRulz!]

Hi... may name is Neelix, I'm a single male Talaxian who's recently ended a short term relationship, looking for an older, more mature partner who enjoys fine food, walks on the beach, and the occasional tennis match. If you are interested, my e Harmony account is...

(Reads email from his eHarmony account.) "Hi... I'm a single female Human who's tired of replicated charred roast beef and go slow 1st officers and would love to walk on the beach after dinner with you...

Kes: What's this I hear? You think I'm immature? I eat one, ONE bowl full of dirty mashed potates and a few bugs and you call that IMMATURE? Skank!

You've GOT to get me off the ship NOW! I think I've jst made a dinner date with the Captain! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!

(Door chimes at Neelix's Voyager quarters) So sorry... Mr. Neelix he's not home now... Please to leave a message and sure I'll be that he gets back to you if he ever returns from Talax.

Oh Crap! I mean... Hello Captain... ah... ah... are you ready for our dinner now?

Kim: Oh my god. I knew she was hot... but THAT was ridiculus!

Neelix: Oh yeah... but WHAT a way to go!

 

[boco]

Kim: She was damn ugly, but I had no idea she could do THAT! It was ... SICK!!
Neelix: Oh, yeah.. would you do it again?
Kim:YES!!

Neelix: I got a promotion!! Harry is going to kill me!

Neelix first attempt of making black coffee flambe'

Neelix: I'm pregnant...
Kes: Damn, we should have used protection..

Neelix: I bet that IF I try, I'll be captain in no time. Will you be my science ensign then?

 

[Schistocerca]

Neelix: How much longer have we got to... keep... these face packs..... on?
Kim:Ten more minutes.
Neelix: Oh....it's just my eyes....and my lips....and I can't quite get a breath.... through ...my....swollen..........throat

Neelix: So I was never lost, and all the other Talaxians were just hiding from me? I see.

Neelix found out the hard way; never come back from the pub drunk and fall asleep with the chip pan on!

Kes: I am so sorry all the other Talaxians were hiding from you.
Nelix: So you knew all along but were just trying to protect me huh?!

Neelix thinking: Ummm...seat is still warm from Seven's bum......next I am going to sit in Mr Tuvok's chair to see how warm his bum is.

 

[bobarino]

Kes: Neelix I am so disappointed that you didn't trust me enough to tell me that you were born a woman

 

[jespah]

Thanks FTW! It's all about the lady parts!

And now here are the next batch of pictures which are dying to be captioned:




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Rachael Ray - the Delta Quadrant Years.

Ooh, is that a Persian carpet?

And next time I get to pick the entertainment, Neelix. Watching Mr. Kim with that mud pack thing on was far too creepy.

You found a way to get me back to Middle Earth?!

I bring you this staff, with the head of Mel Brooks on it.

{singing} Hot child in the city ....

Just stay like this a little longer. I think Kes is enjoying watching us suffer.

 

[Nerys Myk]

With Special Guest Star Snoop Dogg.

NEELIX: I guess did leave the burner on. That's gonna cost me a few ration points.

HARRY: You have a recipe for brains?

 

[TrickyDickie]

Kim: "You promised me those toy masks from Halloween III: Season of The Witch were perfectly safe!"

Neelix: "I guess I forgot to read the fine print when I mailed in the 666 labels from Libby's canned pumpkin."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Harry: Some money shot THAT was.

Neelix: Wix! I have wonderful news! I just saved a thousand quatloos on my starship insurance by switching to Geico!

 

[TrickyDickie]

"Screw being the Next Great Baker. I want to be the next Cake Boss!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"Good morning, and welcome to Cooking With Neelix! This episode we're going to show you what happens to asshole crewmembers who don't like my leola root. They're being boiled right now and will be served at lunch."

 

[Bob Karo]

Neelix: Dear God, man! What did they do to you in prison?!!

Wix: We've been over this. We're Talaxian. My skin's always had these spots.

Neelix: Of course. I think I've been spending too much time with the humans... So the nose?

Wix: Also normal.

Neelix: Right...

 

[Mistral]

Neelix: "If you look around me you will see all kinds of wonderful, tasty ingredients. Of course, none of those go into leola root stew..."