Voyager Caption Contest #71: Employees Must Wash Their Hands....

[Yeoman Randi]

Welcome fellow Voyagers! Time to freshen up but first, lets celebrate da winnas!

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I swear, i go through this every year!

#1- "Well, this is damned awkward."

#2-"It certainly is. We can't both go to the Oscars dressed like this."

With an honorable mention going to this entry~

What do you mean they won't let us into France?

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Living proof that any member of the male species would have made a good partner for the lonely captain:

Tall, dark, athletic, well, close enough, she figured.

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Puberty is a bitch, ain't it?

B'Ellana: "Now that's one hell of a gorch!"

With an honorable mention going to:

Rule 34
No Exceptions​

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Well, this is one reason anyway.....

Tom: "Terrific beach setting, eh Harry?"
Harry: "Yeah... but say, what's with these weird looking beach shelters? Most of them shade just one side, so you gotta keep moving them across the day. And what if it rains? Doesn't look like they'll keep you dry any."
Tom: "I don't see beach shelters. I see women! Is there any wonder why you rarely get a date?"

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A funny thing happened on the way to the Delta Quadrant~

And then the taffy became sentient and tried to make love to a cash register.

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There was only one photoshop entry but that's ok because this would have won it anyway! Finn, this is one of MY biggest pet peeves too!!

And now, this addresses one of my biggest pet peeves (very few) in Trek

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This week's Morning Cawfee Spew goes to this entry which actually had me spew my coffee. ACTUALLY!

Person on left: "OK, it's lunch time."

Person on right: "Well, I have a thought. How about frying up some bacon and eggs?"

Person on left: "Great idea. Your head or mine?"

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I created a "classics" award which is given out every now and then. I happily award this entry with the "Ah the Classics!" award:

The Doctor: Based on these experiments, I predict your diarrhea will come back in 30 minutes. Where will you be?

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And finally, take note: i'd like this for my next birthday please.....

Tuvok (OS): "We have thoroughly analyzed this alien machine. As near as we can determine, it either grinds coffee beans, dispenses frozen slush drinks, or gives the user an orgasm. Possibly all three."

Congratulations to the winners and a lapdance for everyone who played!


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And now, i offer the following photos just beggin' to be captioned!

As always i will let this brew for 2 weeks. Until then, have fun, set a course for home and engage!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Janeway (thinking): Tuvok...did you ever wonder, what if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?

Tuvok: I am now placing rat poison in the gin and tonic.

 

[jespah]

Many thanks for the wins. A LARP dance? How intriguing.

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And now, i offer the following photos just to be captioned!

Star Trek: Fantastic Voyage – a Journey Through the Fallopian Tube.

Tuvok (thinking) – I wanted to wear the jacket with the sequins!

I am the very model of a modern major character!
I've information medical, holographic and chatterer
I know the Federation and I quote the fights historical
From Khitomer to Stovokor in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the real and theoretical
I'm teeming with data 'bout mirrors and warp drive smoke
With many cheerful facts about the Delta Quadrant-folk

Don't look at the codpiece. Don't look at the codpiece.

Damn, I can't get Season 6,000 of Jersey Shore – the Radioactive Version to come in any better!

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: Harry, what did the label on that torpedo say?

KIM: Some like RE D'Matter???

JANEWAY: Crap.

TUVOK: Geez, if she starts in with that Marlene Dietrich impersonation again, I'm out of here.

T-800 (singing) Ah'll be back! You kin count on daht!

HARRY (os) You sure this was a musical back in the 20th Century?

PARIS: Positive.

Family Guy again? Stewy is way over exposed.

 

[DeepSpaceWine]

Everyone trying not to look at the awkwardly dressed man in the center of the room. The gaping mouth and blank nametag aren't helping his case either.

Don't look at the codpiece. Don't look at the codpiece.

Don't look at the codpiece?! I don't know how one's eyes can focus on that. My eyes always instantly shift over to the chocolate milk.

Can't escape from TLC's Toddlers and Tubules (*groan*). They keep dressing 'em up younger and younger...

 

[boco]

Girl: How dare you ask me to try with you the Goddess of Empathy holoprogram?? When we have the Boink the virgin of the village one..

 

[Disruptor]

Janeway: Play it once, Tuvok. For old times' sake.
Tuvok: I don't know what you mean, Captain.
Ilsa: Play it, Vulcan. Play "Faith of the Heart."

Woman: "Ack-ack!"
Doctor: "You've almost got the note, my dear!"
Woman: "I'm ch-choking, you dimwit! *Ack!*"

If ever Janeway believes her work is done, she starts back at One.

"All I'm getting on my tricorder scans is 'Oooga-shocka-ooga-shocka-ooga-shocka!'"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Ensign Abrams (o.s.): Sure, I fired phasers without authorization. But isn't that the coolest lens flare you've ever seen?!?

One: Captain, thank you for allowing me access to your Federation database. I had no idea that friendship was magic.

Baby (knocking on glass): Hello? Get me out of here!! Where's the titties? HELLO?!?

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"It appears to be a space-dwelling swarm of baked beans in tomato sauce, Captain. Possibly emptied from what we can only suppose was an unusually large can".

Janeway: "Tuvok? Why doesn't Chakotay ever show for these dances?"

Tuvok: "One can only assume you forgot to invite him".

Janeway: "But I invited Harry".

Seven: "And that, One, is the ungodly process by which you were conceived!"

One: "Play it again! But...maybe some music?"

Janeway: "The evidence is clear, SecuriBorg. You broke the law".

SecuriBorg: "I didn't break the law! I AM THE LAW!!"

 

[gojiragirl]

RU-489. Gets down deep where babies hide!

 

[boco]

Tuvok: It was very considerate of you to think about giving a promotion to Mr. Kim.. Thank you for letting me chose the costumes for his surprise party
Paris and Kim Enter
Kim: What is this, Tom?I've never seen the captain dressed so stupid and what a dull party..
Janeway: Ok..that's it! no promotion, and the party is over!

 

[boco]

One: A question if I may?
Janeway: What's your question, One?
One: Seven explained my assimilation tubules on my wrist but w large tubule in my groin area used for?
Seven: Looks like it's time for another data module.
Janeway: Agreed.

 

[Isis]

Many thanks for the win, Yeoman Randi!

Tuvok (to self): "Dammit. She looks more masculine than I do."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win!

Janeway: "I wish the teenaged Q would stop using us to light his farts!"

Janeway: "Henceforth I shall be known as Priscilla, Queen of the Delta Quadrant!"

"Smack my bitch up, smack my bitch up!"

Woman thinking: "What the hell kind of opera is this!"

1: "Curious. You state your disdain for the Borg, eschew their ethic, yet human females have been volunteering for implants since the twentieth century."

Janeway and Seven: "We don't know what you are talking about."

Neelix: "Ensign Bastard, your baby's almost microwaved."
Fat Bastard: "I want my babyback babyback babyback ribs. I want my..."

 

[Bob Karo]

Janeway: I just don't see this LesYay all the J/7 shippers go on about. Do you?

Tuvok: Beats me.

 

[boco]

Janeway: Mr Kim, if you can really make coffee with the samples we'll get from this star core, I'll give you a promotion...

 

[Gary7]

Thanks for the win, Randi.

Tuvok: "Captain, we've picked up a peculiar manifestation off to port."
Janeway: "On screen. Oh my God! Tuvok, fire phasers--now!"
Paris: "Wait, it's just a giant eye. What harm could it possibly cause us?"
Janeway: "What, you mean to tell me you haven't you seen 'Lord of the Rings'??"
Kim: "Lord of the who?"
Janeway: "Tuvok, fire!!"

Paris: "Oh great... not only do we encounter the most powerful aliens we've ever seen before, we now have to deal with a psychopathic computer."
Janeway: "It's just a giant computer eye. What harm could it possibly cause us?"
Paris: "You mean, you haven't seen '2001: A Space Odyssey'?"
Kim: "A space oddity?"
Paris: "Tuvok, fire!"
Tuvok: "I'm afraid I can't do that, Tom."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Little did Sauron know where Neelix was wearing the ring. What has been seen, cannot be unseen.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Baby: Click click. I can check my E-trade portfolio even when I'm in this #%()*^ maturation chamber.

LASIK: The Next Generation

 

[Nerys Myk]

WWJTKD?