TOS Caption Contest #244: Random Rand!

[A.V.I.A.F.]

Ok, let’s get on with it! Here are:

​

Yes, that is so wrong...

Rand had just left. It was dark. The play was engrossing. If Kirk was going to sniff her seat, there would never be a better time...

Admit it, we’ve all done it at least once...

ADAM: (To Self)... I'll just sneak out,... real easy-like,... and everyone will blame Mr. Red Jumpsuit here for the 'ol burrito blast',... heh hehe heh

I never noticed that before, what the hell was that supposed to be anyway...

Pike was in a hurry for the raffle draw, as he hoped to win the giant soft toy dog.

Glad to know I’m not the only one...

Spock: "And she is the only woman in the whole asylum?"
Garth: "That is correct, Mr. Spock. But I assure you, we treat her with the utmost respect."
Kirk: "That's very commendable. I'd imagine that must require a great deal of self-control."
Garth: "Not as much as you'd think. When you get right down to it, there's just something about it being green..." *shudders*

Got that not-so-fresh feeling...

Scotty: No, I can't smell it, I'm an engineer, not a gynecologist. You might wanna ask the guy in the blue shirt there...

A Young MC reference to remind me how old I am...

BONES: Bust a move, Alexander!

And let us not forget the....

​

ADAM: Play it cool, Carl. One of these Herberts might be a cop.

Kirk: (thinking) I know she said I'm her lover but if I'm not careful I might get killed or
worse lose an eye and half a face like Leighton there next to me.

McCoy: "Wow... they take their talent competitions on Argelius Two seriously, don't they?"


.

MCCOY: Sorry Chris, Jim tapped that while you were in the restroom.

And now, let`s have some random Rand. Have at it!

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: OMG! You look darling in red, Janice!!!! I must get a dress in that color!!!

CHARLIE: What did she mean, "not even with the Captain's dick"?

MCCOY: Snap out of it Jim! This isn't the time for one of your erotic dreams!!!

RAND: That better be a phaser, Doctor!

SKANK!

WHORE!

 

[Nerys Myk]

Going to the archives from the Shatmandu era (in glorious standard def DVD):

Spock was unaware Rand had linked her PADD to the Bridge viewscreens.

Spock's revenge.

If not for the odd shaped head the disguse would have been perfect.*

*Muppets were a popular meme back then.

 

[MANT!]

You mean she's had......the entire crew!!???

Now Pull MY finger Captain Stinky!!!

 

[Maurice]

Thanks for the win!

RAND: So, I took a phaser to the lab and ZAP, meth!

 

[T'Girl]

ooo

.
Spock: " The ummm, impostor ...?

Rand: "He was a rapist, Mr. Spock."

Spock: "... had some interesting, ummm ..."

Rand: "He was a rapist, Mr. Spock."

Spock: " ... qualities, wouldn't you say, Yeoman?

Rand: "He was a rapist, Mr. Spock."
.

Charlie: "So I ...?"

Kirk (os): "With both hands."

Charlie: "And then I ...?"

Kirk (os): "Like tuning a old-style radio."

Charlie: "Okay, but I can make the honking noises then, right?"

Kirk (os): "Of course."

 

[ItsGreen]

Easy, predictable, appropriate!

Kirk: Cream?
Janice: No, thank you. I take it black, like my men!

Spock: You got a letter from headquarters this morning.
Janice: What is it?
Spock: It's a big building where generals meet, but that's not important.

Janice: Nervous?
Charlie: Yes.
Janice: First time?
Charlie: No, I've been nervous lots of times.

Get that finger outta here. You don't know where that finger's been.

Janice: Surely you can't be serious.
McCoy: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley!

Nice Beaver!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win!

Spock (writing): "Please excuse Janice from duty today. She has a hair-weaving appointment."

Charlie: "So...if I squeeze them, do they beep?"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Slight change...

Easy, predictable, appropriate!

Kirk: Cream?

Janice: "No, thank you. I take it black, like my women!"
Spock os: "So do I."
Uhura: "Threesome, my quarters, 2200 hours."
Kirk: "Hello, the Kirk here. I can't believe I'm being left out of this."
McCoy: "You're busy anyway. You'll be in sickbay to get a booster or your Orion antibiotic shots. Or do you want it to turn green and fall off?"

 

[Isis]

McCoy: "Watch that hair--you could poke an eye out."

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock, mumbling as he writes: Does not play nice with others, does not put out, has poor penmanship, must try harder.

McCoy: Hey baby. Wanna come to my quarters and play Doctor?

[Rand elbows McCoy in the nuts]

McCoy, strained and high-pitched: That would be a no then?

[McCoy yelps in pain]

Rand: I warned you not to stand behind me when I'm playing pool.

 

[ItsGreen]

Moon River......!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Decaf?!! We've been on continuous alert for sixteen hours! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA (whispering): I thought you said the new yeoman was about 20.

MCCOY (whispering): She's part Ocampan.

UHURA: Ah,That explains it.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

CHARLIE:"You mean she's...?
Kirk:(off screen) "Yep a Fembot"

McCoy:(thinking) "Wow nice dumper!"

 

[TerragonSix]

Kirk: Umm, doctor, you don't have to convince me anymore. Put Rand in Sickbay.

McCoy: About time. I told you she was out of her mind, especially since she has been pouring imaginary coffee into a cup. She actually started to sip from the cup, and there is nothing inside!

 

[Gepard]

ooo

.
Spock: " The ummm, impostor ...?

Rand: "He was a rapist, Mr. Spock."

Spock: "... had some interesting, ummm ..."

Rand: "He was a rapist, Mr. Spock."

Spock: " ... qualities, wouldn't you say, Yeoman?

Rand: "He was a rapist, Mr. Spock."
.

Winner.

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk: Now you're absolutely sure that's apple juice and not a urine sample this time?

Rand: Only one way to find out.

Charlie: Captain, don't you want to meet my two new friends Lefty and Righty?

Kirk, offscreen: We've met before.

Rand: Nothing seems to be coming out.

Kirk: You have to open the top of the pitcher.

McCoy: Yeoman...

[Rand farts loudly]

McCoy: DAYUM! You been eating Spock's plomeek soup? Jiminy christmas! It's like being smacked in the face with a dead skunk covered in dog crap.

 

[ItsGreen]

"Charlie XXX"

I can do many tricks! An Ace of Clubs isn't the only thing I can make appear in her top,
there, Janice is now my "Tickle Me Randi"
Lala lala, lala lala, Charlie's world!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Spock: I do not understand why I must sign for the delivery of every padd you bring to the bridge.

http://i1100.photobucket.com/albums/g408/aviafaviaf/cap072.png
Charlie: "Oedipus Complex"?

Rand: HEY! Nobody gets to show off their legs on the bridge like that but ME, sister.