Cap Con 88: One Night In Sickbay Makes A Hard Man Humble

[Nerys Myk]

After a slight delay

THE WINNERS
I'LL NEVER FORGET WHAT'S HIS NAME AWARD

Archer: "It's too bad. Trevor was a good helmsman, and a good friend."
Phlox: "His name was Travis, Captain."
Archer: "Godspeed, Mister Mayflower."

TASTES LIKE CHICKEN AWARD

Trip: "Hmmmm. Well now. Not sure about fish but I'm definitely getting cat..."

OUCH AWARD

Archer: According to this readout the baby is traveling from your inner thigh towards your genitals. I'm not gonna lie, Malcolm. This is gonna hurt.

AFTER ALL HE IS ENGLISH AWARD

Phlox: "I get that you are shy Mr Reed, however, the proctology exam would go much quicker if you would just lose the shorts."

Your Prize:

Sorry to keep you waiting

 

[Nerys Myk]

And now this months pics:

 

[LeadHead]

Archer: What? I said the words "Doggie" and "Style" because I'm holding a Dog and Styling his Hair!

Phlox would admit later that this didn't make a lick of sense.

Archer: I hate Xindi Insectoids...

Admiral Forrest: Jon, what the hell are you doing?

 

[Finn]

Be thankful Denobulans didn't show up in TOS. They would have marker lines on their face, and paper strips as their tongues.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Time-travelling Tasha Yar os: "Oh! You jewel!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Archer: "Heh! You know, this is vaguely reminiscent of an encounter I had on Wrigley's Pleasure Planet once. You wanna hear about it?"
Hoshi and T'Pol: "NO!!!"

 

[Admiral Shran]

Hoshi: Captain, we were kinda in the middle of something here.

T'Pol: Yes, Captain. Could you kindly give us another hour or two?

Phlox: So Captain, why are you so devoted to Porthos?

Archer (offscreen): Many reasons. But most importantly - he wags his tail, not his tongue dammit!

Archer: When I catch that wily bastard, he'll pay for this injustice!

Trip (offscreen): Cap'n! All he wanted to do was give me a valentine.

Archer: Trust me on this Trip.

Alien 1 (whispering): What the hell is he doing?

Alien 2 (whispering): I don't know. But earlier he was telling me about something called a gazelle. Believe me, you'd rather endure whatever this is.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Archer: Girls, we were kinda in the middle of something here.

Porthos: Yes. Could you kindly give us another hour or two?

 

[Bob Karo]

Hoshi: Damn it, Jon! It was hard enough getting Sub-Commander Ice Queen to agree to this... If you actually want this three way to happen you need to lose the dog.

Archer: But we do everything together...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Archer: "What was that?"
Hoshi: "That was the sound of the computer making a photo-scan of this little scene. Now, keeping in mind how easy it would be to photoshop the three of us into a Risan hotel room instead of the decon chamber, T'Pol and I think it's time you made some changes on this ship..."

 

[Finn]

Porthos: *thinking* Too bad Worf wouldn't be born for other 190 years. I'd have fun sniffing...

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

NEXT WEEK ON FARSCAPE

 

[LeadHead]

Archer: What are you two doing here? Trip told me and Porthos to...

Malcolm: (in another room watching them on a monitor) I can't believe this worked Trip.

 

[boco]

Porthos: Don't you dare to touch my balls while I'm looking at these two fine looking human female specimen, Jon!

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Hoshi: You and Porthos first.

T'Pol: Agreed.

Archer: Ta-da!

Kreetassan Leader: Very entertaining tap dance, Captain. But if you want those dilithium crystals, you'll have to do it again, this time juggling three Andorian meteor hammers.

 

[Mysterion]

PHLOX: When they see this they'll have to let me in to the Gene Simmons Fan Club!

 

[Middleman]

And in this episode we learned why Phlox was so popular with the female members of the crew.

 

[Mistral]

Bakula was going to get that elusive Star Trek Emmy no matter what it took.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

T'Pol: "The last time Ensign Sato and I were in here was with Commander Tucker. I trust you will behave more professionally."
Hoshi: "What she means is: We trust you won't try to convince us that there is a long-standing Starfleet tradition known as the 'decon with happy ending.'"

 

[boco]

Hoshi: Must he always bring the dog with him everywhere??
T'Pol: Don't ask me. I never understood the human mating rituals completely