Cap Con 77: Last stop for next 200 lys

[6079SmithW]

Reed: All those times I made fun of Trip for getting pregnant...

Phlox: Get ready to push, Lieutenant. A contraction is coming on.

Archer: According to this readout the baby is traveling from your inner thigh towards your genitals. I'm not gonna lie, Malcolm. This is gonna hurt.

Phlox: I'm sorry Captain. I did all that I could but his injuries were too severe.

Archer: He was a fine officer and will be missed. *thinking* Who the hell is that guy, anyway?

 

[LeadHead]

Phlox: I'm sorry, he asked for more lines and Berman just went crazy. If only you'd gotten there in time...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

John Billingsley: "Beagle humping your leg again, Scott?"

 

[Mistral]

Phlox: "He's dead."

Archer: "...and he bled on the floor. Hoshi, you're a woman-go get a mop."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Archer: Phlox, how long till we know how Travis died?

Phlox: I can't tell.

Archer: You can tell me, I'm the captain.

Phlox: No, I mean I'm just not sure.

Archer: Well, can't you take a guess?

Phlox: Hmmm...Not for another two hours at least.

Archer: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Hoshi: Captain, should I tell Travis' family?

Archer: No, Hoshi, why don't you take care of it.

 

[boco]

Archer: According to this file, Mr Reed is pregnant too. Is that a virus , doctor, that is causing all this?
Phlox: No... is Shran's andorian ale.. Kidding captain..Maybe it's the two "males" they met on Risa that caused it..

Trip: Vulcan delicacy??I think i'll go meditate in my quarters properly before eating this..(to himself: my ass! Porthos will be happy to have it)

 

[LeadHead]

Phlox: He's dead, Jon!

Archer: Stop trying to coin that phrase!

 

[boco]

Archer: What killed him, Phlox?
Phlox: He was hit by Wilson?
Archer: Who's Wilson?
Phlox: The ball!Remember?

 

[LeadHead]

Phlox: I'm sorry, Captain. He's dead.

Archer: Yeah, yeah, right. What are you going to do with his shoes?

 

[boco]

Trip: Did the captain let Hoshi cook in the mess hall again?

Archer: Porthos, look carefully, this is where the andorians keep their genitals..You know what to do the next time Shran comes on board Enterprise!

 

[boco]

Phlox: you should have known better than swallowing Sluggo. Human digestive system can't kill it. We'll just have to wait... It'll make his way out somehow...

 

[Alrik]

Thanks for the Win N.M.!

Phlox: "I get that you are shy Mr Reed, however, the proctology exam would go much quicker if you would just lose the shorts."

Archer: "And this is a scan of Malcom?"

Phlox: "Yes sir."

Archer: "He's hung like a pre-schooler."

Phlox: "Explains the shyness."

 

[Kotik]

What's up with this? Isn't the month, like, gone for a while now?

 

[Alrik]

Phlox: "Worst case of constipation I've ever seen. That said, the suppository should kick in any moment. Best find your way to a restroom."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Get the kids back in the station wagon and pay the cashier, this one is done. On to the next contest.