PKTrekGirl said:
All you need to tell me now is that your mom is controlling, narcissistic, obsessed with looks/weight, an addictive personality herself, and/or has very high standards that she expects your sister to live up to, and I'd tell you it was absolutely textbook (that comment about you guys not talking to your mother is no shock at all to me - none whatsoever!).
I have one word for my mom: French. She was born in Paris, France and moved to Raleigh, North Carolina when she was four.
She
was high maintenance before she married my dad, who was just a bartender, but she scaled back.
And after my dad died she gained 80 lbs making her 250, she had six kids so we all left a lot of weight on her, and she's only finally started to work to get it off.
However, my mom's fiancé I would place a lot of this with, he's an asshole. Same with my older sister Joanna's husband. They're both cruel mocking people. To her and myself especially. And I see know how they are.
I'm not sure if she's throwing up at school. But she spends a good 70% of the week at my house. 20% is school and 10% is home. So it is possible during those times she is.
Well, just keep in mind that she doesn't have to actively be throwing up to have an eating disorder. In fact, given that she is 5'2' and 200+, I'm guessing she is probably
not throwing up right now. But she might well be binging....which is just as much a part of the disorder as the throwing up part is. Again, you might only be seeing those 6 small meals a day, and she would likely only mention those. Binging is often a very secretive behavior for girls with eating disorders. And by 'secretive', I don't mean 'you can just look in the garbage to see if she is binging or not'. I mean, 'women with eating disorders can put your average prison inmate to shame, in terms of acquisition and consumption of contraband (in this case, food) under the radar'.
If she can get counseling at all along the lines I discussed earlier, I would really recommend it. And as others have discussed, a supportive environment of non-critical (especially of her weight) friends/family would be helpful also. As would some exercise & fresh air.
I just don't believe her medical condition accounts for the fact that she is 5'2" and 200+ pounds. I mean, I have a very slow metabolism also (due partly to genetics and partly to the fact that I had an eating disorder in my 20's)...but at the end of the day, it's still calories in vs. calories out. And if I were a betting woman, I would bet that she is eating a lot more than what she's telling you about. I'm guessing it's her 'pressure valve'. But of course, it is also her nemesis.
That is the sucky thing about an eating disorder. Drug addicts and alcoholics can and do quit using drugs or drinking completely. It's the only way for them to stay sane and healthy, in the end. People with eating disorders, however, can't just quit (not to imply that quitting is easy, but you get the idea). You can't 'quit' eating. You have to somehow find a way to
make peace with food/weight obsession. You have to find a way to get up every day and EAT...but not fall into a binge. You still have to DO the destructive activity - you just have to find a way to do it less. And as any addict will tell you, that is very hard to do, once you get going. And that is
really hard to do without addressing the underlying forces that are causing the behaviors.
If your sister has an eating disorder, diets won't help for now. Not even Weight Watchers, which is about healthy eating and support in their meetings. No...if she has an eating disorder, counseling would be my first pick. And if she can't do that, I would recommend Overeaters Anonymous (OA) - which is free and like AA, NA, etc. I didn't go that route myself - I went to counseling (which I paid for with my own money, since my mother thought I was 'faking' my eating disorder in order to be 'cool'
), but at least she would find a supportive environment there full of people who are struggling with food issues.
EDIT: Also, if you sister does have an eating disorder and joins TrekBBS, please tell her she is welcome to PM me about her situation. I've been there, done that, got the Tshirt..and sometimes it just helps to talk to someone who has struggled with the same issue. Living with an eating disorder is like living in hell - it really is. And I've been there...if she wants to discuss it with someone with a drawer full of tshirts.
Nah, she looks nice; I think she has pretty good taste in clothes too. Now if only I could say the same about her taste in cinema. 
