*Previous Eras*:
“Oh God, before everyone starts, I LOVE Jon Pertwee, and I'm watching Planet Of Evil right now and LOVING it, and I want Robert Holmes brought back to life just so I can tell him he's a genius, ‘cause I don't think he knew.”
[On 'Rise of the Cybermen'] ”If that episode had shown up in the 80s (or the 70s, or the 60s) we'd all have fainted of joy on the spot! Whump! All of us! Every fan in the country - gurgle, whump, living room floor. Medical experts would've been flown in from all around the world! "My God," they'd have cried, "every geek in Britain is unconscious!! Quick, let's pull their pants over their heads and draw moustaches on them!" The Elder Statesmen of Fandom, in their vast and mighty Council Chamber (in Mum's bedroom), would actually have EXPLODED!! Into CLOUDS OF VAPOUR!!! Every breath taken in the whole wide world wide would have contained a measurable quantity of IAN LEVINE!!And here you are, you lot, and you don't even know you're born. Some of us had to go to school the Monday after the Giant Rat!! No, REALLY! Think about that! Added ten years to my virginity, that did, Giant Rat Monday! Oh, I haven't forgotten!”
“City Of Death is one of my favourite stories, probably my favourite Who script and Douglas Adams is one of my favourite authors.”
“City Of Death has one of the tightest plots in Doctor Who… Douglas Adams is clearly and obviously the best writer ever to have written Doctor Who, and will probably remain so.”
“I'm sure no one is losing a lot of sleep over what I think about 80's Doctor Who, but here, to cut out and keep, is My Opinion. Rather liked season 18, though found it a bit dry and uninvolving, and thought Tom was a bit off. Adored the next three seasons, and thought (and think) Davison was superb. Colin Baker's two seasons, and Sylvester's first - well, I'm afraid I found very little to enjoy there, though honestly I tried! Colin is a good actor, and been good in many things, but I didn't think he landed the role of the Doctor. On telly, anyway - been good on audio. And no, the costume and the scripts weren't helping. Really enjoyed the last two seasons of Doctor Who - some plunges from grace, but some cracking stuff too. You'll never quite convince me that Sylvester is an appropriate choice for a BBC1 leading man, but clever people like Paul Cornell think otherwise so what do I know? Preferred him to Colin and (ooh, the heresy!) William Hartnell, so that's got to count for something.So there you go! Out of all the eighties, I only disliked THREE seasons.”
*On the Doctor's Age*:
“In my head, the Doctor doesn't have a bloody clue what age he is (how could he, unless he's keeping count on a big chart somewhere) and only picks on 900 ‘cause it sounds good.”
*On the Doctor's name*:
“We must never know the Doctor's name, what happened to his wife and family, and the real reason he left Gallifrey. These are secrets too tremendous for the mortal mind. And he's only allowed to tell hot French chicks.”
*Sex and Sexuality in Doctor Who*:
[On ‘The Doctor Dances’] “I say, no I didn't! The whole scene was about the fact they WEREN'T at it - indeed, it was the Doctor being slightly hurt that Rose hadn't even considered him in that light.There's precious little evidence they ever got up to anything, I'd have said - that it doesn't stop it being a love story, of course (it clearly was) but unrequited surely? Oh, it's all sex with you lot, isn't it? And when the writer of Coupling says you're banging on about sex too much, it's time to start listening.”
“Surely the point about Jack is that he is so totally relaxed about sex that it isn't part of his character at all - no hang ups, no problem. Writing Jack I found I had to have the other characters (the Doctor and Rose) talk about his epically flexible sexuality, rather than him – ‘cause for him it's background noise. All he'd do is shrug and ask what the big deal is.”
“For Captain Jack, bisexual would be a strict diet. There's a whole universe out there. 82 percent of the developing life forms in this galaxy alone have recently been proven to have Captain Jack's phone number. Hooray for Captain Jack. But don't leave him alone with your sister. Or a nice shrub.”
[On the Doctor/Jack kiss in ‘The Parting of the Ways’] “I'd have written girls kissing.”
“This isn't exactly a defence, but I was doing jokes as rude as any of these in Press Gang 15 years ago, at 4:45 in the afternoon. The world is still here and turning. Back in my Press Gang days my defence was always this: sex will always be an exciting mystery to children, they'll always want to to know about it. And they'll learn about it, inevitably, from scary porn and all those barmy urban myths that circulate playgrounds. As a counter to that, shouldn't responisble kids telly at least try to right the balance? Shouldn't there be someone out there (apart from your boring parents and your boring teachers, who cares what they say) saying that sex is a natural, sometimes funny, sometimes wonderful thing, that decent, kind, nice people do with other decent, kind, nice people. Rather than a sleazy forbidden horror whispered about behind the bike shed. You CAN'T stop kids finding out about sex. You CAN at least make sure some of what they hear is sane and reasonable. And as for alternative sexuality in Doctor Who - oh for goodness sake! There are kids watching out there, who already know they're gay. (I knew which sex I fancied from a very early age.) Doesn't it do them good to have a hero like a Captain Jack, who laughs in the face of straight and gay alike? Captain Jack: he'll save your planet and shag anyone who lives there (but check your purse before he leaves.)”
*On "Doctor Who" vs "The Doctor"*:
“My point only: it is beyond dispute that we know who we mean by saying 'Doctor Who' - the fact that the Doctor himself would wonder who you were talking to is beside the point.It is perfectly correct to the refer to the character as Doctor Who, even though that is NOT his name, nor the name that he, or anyone else, uses. He also doesn't call himself 'television's favourite Time Lord" either but I feel entitled to call him that too.This is all about defintions. "Doctor Who" IS NOT his name - if, by name, you mean what he calls himself and what others call him. "Doctor Who" IS his name, if by name you mean what people in general call this popular fictional character. English being lovely, vague and elastic allows both uses of the word 'name'. See? Sorted. Everybody's right. Dear God, I must be anxious not to start work this morning.”
*On Time Travel stories*:
“There are three ways of dealing with time travel in Doctor Who (you might want to print this out for future use);
1. Look, it's just a story, time travel is completely impossible, the whole thing's a farrago of lies, ooh, look at those monsters.
2. Time can only sometimes be rewritten, and the Doctor has a vast and terrible Time Brain that allows him to see when events can be altered and when they are fixed, but for us mere mortals, such insight would turn our brains to soup, ooh, look at those monsters.
3. Ooh, look at those monsters! I like 3. It's quicker.”
*On Continuity*:
“In the end, a television series which embraces both the ideas of parallel universes and the concept of changing time can't *have* a continuity error. It's impossible.”
*On Horses*:
”You don't ever want to be found in a field shouting 'Fellatio' at a horse. Trust me.”
