Yeah, but it fails the task and sounds like unintended comedy.
One test I've thought of, when writing techno-exposition, is to try to think of an analogous situation in today's world, then think how a person today would formulate that description. In this case, the question is, what exotic ancient weapons do we have today that might need a similar explanation? The bow and arrow? Well, I think most people know what that is. A sling is a definite maybe. But, a sword, a spear? Not so much. See, the fact is that I am really hard pressed to think of any ancient weapons that aren't in use any more, but that would actually require an explanation today. That's what is out of place.
Why can't Sulu just say (grinning):
One test I've thought of, when writing techno-exposition, is to try to think of an analogous situation in today's world, then think how a person today would formulate that description. In this case, the question is, what exotic ancient weapons do we have today that might need a similar explanation? The bow and arrow? Well, I think most people know what that is. A sling is a definite maybe. But, a sword, a spear? Not so much. See, the fact is that I am really hard pressed to think of any ancient weapons that aren't in use any more, but that would actually require an explanation today. That's what is out of place.
Why can't Sulu just say (grinning):
and just leave it at that?"I've always wanted to fire one of these ever since I saw one in the Federation museum."