Pondering about something...

[TerokNor]

Does someone here has experiences with long-distance relationships, the romantic kind? Is there a chance for a "happy end", especially when both have their careers and family (partly with children) on different sides of the globe and when one of them has no knowing at all of the others language, while the other cannot imagine going forever to the others country and feeling at home there?

TerokNor

 

[Mary Ann]

Wow, that's a difficult situation. I lived in Canada and my husband in England when we first became penfriends, but we both spoke English (though it took me a while to fully understand his Somerset accent) and I didn't have any problems with moving to England as my parents were also immigrants (they moved to Canada from the Netherlands). The situation you describe is much more complicated, so I can't really help you with it, only to say that my husband and I have been married for 15 years as proof that some long-distance romances do have happy endings.

 

[Naira]

Well, I am not an expert since I have no experience of my own but the way I see it, in order for an eventual "happy end" to come, at some point in the future one of the two has to make the decision to move to the other's country.

Other obstacles such as the language matters you mention can be overcome. I believe that relationships can also endure distance for a long time but it is crucial that both individuals know that someday they will be together physically at the same place.

I can't offer advice, I can only say that if I were in such a situation, I would first try to figure out with my partner if there is the prospect of either one of us moving at some point. If not, I cannot see how such a situation would work...

 

[TheGodBen]

As someone that was in a similar situation, if you don't have some sort of long-term plan to be together eventually then it probably wont work out and you will become a bitter and cynical person.

Sorry.

 

[JRS]

I think there is always chance for "happy end" or "happy future"
In a long distance relationship
Both of my previous and current relationships have been those, (though the current cant be called that anymore, because we live together.)
There are always risks, but that makes the rewards more joyfull. Living with someone from different culture offers lots of new horizons.
I dont think the langue barrier or whatever is not really an issue to be worried about. If you both speak English(or whatever, all is fine
One advise though: spend enough time with the other person in person, before making too big leaps forward.
I cant really give anymore specific advices without knowing more, though..

 

[Chaos Descending]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but in my experience, the scenario described in the OP is doomed to eventual failure.

I just don't see enough common ground and willingness to compromise to actually make it work.

 

[Ood Sigma]

It can work, definitely. I was in a long-distance relationship for about 2 1/2 years before we were finally able to live in the same city. When you find that special someone you don't let 500 miles get between you. I visited whenever I could (during school breaks) until I finished school. We've now been together a total of 15 years.

Now, an across-the-globe scenario, that might make things more difficult to get together frequently. However I think if things are serious enough that if you can think of no one else, you make it work, regardless.

 

[TheGodBen]

Now, an across-the-globe scenario, that might make things more difficult to get together frequently. However I think if things are serious enough that if you can think of no one else, you make it work, regardless.

Were it so easy.

 

[Kestra]

Does someone here has experiences with long-distance relationships, the romantic kind? Is there a chance for a "happy end", especially when both have their careers and family (partly with children) on different sides of the globe and when one of them has no knowing at all of the others language, while the other cannot imagine going forever to the others country and feeling at home there?

TerokNor

Like others have said, you need some sort of a plan. You need to look at the practical problems and figure out if there are solutions. All the feelings in the world don't buy you a home together, a job in a new country, etc.

Long-distance itself can be overcome. Whether it's a state away or halfway around the world, I've seen it done. But you have to know each other. It doesn't sound like you've even spent time around each other, honestly.

If you both aren't going to put in the time and effort to make it a reality, it's better to cut it off sooner rather than later. I've been in a relationship that crossed an ocean and the more it dragged on, the more it hurt. I'd hate to see someone else go through that.

Edited to give hugs to TheGodBen!

 

[TerokNor]

Thanks for your opinions and experiences.

We know 11 years, have spend some time together in both countries. Three years ago I said no to the relationship, because of all the obstacles. But now we have contact again ... and ... *sigh* ... I am starting to think it was a mistake not to try at least ...

TerokNor

 

[Kestra]

Oh! You should always try. Love is worth trying for, at the very least!

 

[Kirby]

I tried the long distance thing in college. I was in Colorado and she was in Oregon and it did not work out. Granted, we were 21 and 20 years old, with little world experience and maturity.

That said, my nephew has been in a long distance relationship for quite a while now and they're getting married later this year.

 

[Mary Ann]

Kestra is right, and you should try it out. If it doesn't work out, that will be sad, but I think it will be worse if you don't try and will therefore never know if it would have worked out.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Better to have loved from afar and lost than to never have loved from afar at all.

 

[ThankQ]

Better to have loved from afar and lost than to never have loved from afar at all.

"Never to have"...

Oops, wrong thread.

 

[Captain_Nick]

Does someone here has experiences with long-distance relationships, the romantic kind? Is there a chance for a "happy end", especially when both have their careers and family (partly with children) on different sides of the globe and when one of them has no knowing at all of the others language, while the other cannot imagine going forever to the others country and feeling at home there?

TerokNor

Maybe I'm not reading your post correctly, but it seems to me that it would be hard for any romantic feelings to develop when you've never met the person, and when you don't speak the same language as them. ???

 

[ThankQ]

Does someone here has experiences with long-distance relationships, the romantic kind? Is there a chance for a "happy end", especially when both have their careers and family (partly with children) on different sides of the globe and when one of them has no knowing at all of the others language, while the other cannot imagine going forever to the others country and feeling at home there?

TerokNor

Maybe I'm not reading your post correctly, but it seems to me that it would be hard for any romantic feelings to develop when you've never met the person, and when you don't speak the same language as them. ???

One w/out the other seems possible. I'm not a chat-girlfriend type guy, but I did once have a brief romantic relationship with a Mexican girl who spoke no English. I only have about 50 words of Spanish. "Si" was one of the 50 I understood. That was enough.

 

[TerokNor]

Does someone here has experiences with long-distance relationships, the romantic kind? Is there a chance for a "happy end", especially when both have their careers and family (partly with children) on different sides of the globe and when one of them has no knowing at all of the others language, while the other cannot imagine going forever to the others country and feeling at home there?

TerokNor

Maybe I'm not reading your post correctly, but it seems to me that it would be hard for any romantic feelings to develop when you've never met the person, and when you don't speak the same language as them. ???

Oh, but we have met (though not anymore in the last 3 years).
We speak English with each other. My English is not perfect, but certainly enough to hold a conversation.

I have to think about this some more. I mean it does make sense, better to try, than wondering all life if it would have worked...on the other end, I need at least the possibility of a possibel future.

TerokNor

 

[RJDiogenes]

Better to have loved from afar and lost than to never have loved from afar at all.

"Never to have"...

Oops, wrong thread.

It's okay to split infinitives now. After several centuries, the academics finally realized that English isn't Latin.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I was in a long distance relationship (across the globe) for 4 1/2 years. We met twice, once in each country. When we got married we had spent a total of 35 days together. We've been married now for 7 years! Here's some points about it all..

1. The person without the kids has to move to the country of the person with the kids. If they are minors you can forget about immigrating with them anyway. If not, well.. the person with the kids is going to be deeply pained eventually to be living so far away from their kids, eventual grandkids etc.. in the "whose family is easier to leave" stakes the kids always win for being the ones you don't leave.

2. You need a plan and you need a target time to accomplish it. It's SO MUCH WORK (I cannot emphasize this enough) moving countries. Once you have decided you are going for it arm yourself with all immigration information, job prospects etc.. and start planning.

3. For the person moving there will be great sacrifices, many completely unforseen. The other person must know this and plan for this. Do not make this move without trips back home being in your budget. I have known many people just pining away because they don't ever get back to their country of origin because it seems like a selfish expenditure when they have family needs in their new country.. for some people this is a slow death.

Yes it is possible, and easier the younger you are. Don't put it off another 10 years, it will be too exhausting to even think about. IMO it's worth risking instability for a good relationship.. you can always pull yourself up and get back on your feet in careers etc.. but you can't always find someone you really care about like that.

The language is a difficult point, though not as hard as one not being able to imagine going to the others country. Really someone is going to have to sacrifice more in this scenario and not resent it, it's just the way the math falls.

Oh and let me add this very unromantic warning:

To the person moving countries, think VERY HARD before you have children in this relationship. Once you have those kids you will never be able to move back to your country of origin with them if the relationship fails. You are stuck there forever because of course the other parent will never give you permission to leave. No one ever thinks about this but it is worth delaying having children just to see how the relationship weathers being together full time.