I need dumb "super" powers!

[Venardhi]

Ability to make time pass faster.

The power to make anything taste like bacon

Ability to make things less flammable

Ability to smell the future

Graphite fingernails

Ability to alter the past in completely inconsequential ways.

Ability to digest anything you can eat.

The power to make people hungry.

The ability to wake up one minute before an alarm clock goes off.

The power to make unripe fruit ripen.

Ability to shed and regrow pinky fingers and toes.

The power to repel or attract flying insects.

Ability to always have a minor static charge.

The ability to eat anything completely silently.

The power to move body fat freely around one's body.

The power to always give perfect driving directions.

Ability to tint glass with a touch.

The power to always appear much more attractive in pictures.

 

[think]

the power/ability to find fertile females but prejaculate and remain absurdly frustrated

 

[Skywalker]

To power to realize when a thread has run its course.

 

[Guitarded]

OP probably couldn't use this, but it's a conversation I had with my boss a few days ago at work. He was explaining some hypothetical scenario and said it would be "super suckass." I told him that sounds like a superhero name.

I don't know, maybe the OP can find some use for it.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

The power to:

- slice a banana without peeling it

- scramble eggs in their shells

- bring back Carnation Breakfast Bars for eternity (yeah, I know I already said that, but it's so important I had to say it again)

- Drench people in slime when they say "I don't know", like on You Can't Do That On Television

- Force people to break out into Broadway style musicals during normal conversation

 

[Guitarded]

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^ I already have instant hair loss. It's called shaving my head.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Priceless!

I know it's too late to pitch in some ideas, but here are a few.

The Orientator - A superhuman with the ability to make straight people gay and vice versa with simple eye contact. This power doesn't work on bisexuals. Orientator has to wear a special visor to cover his eyes to prevent accidental eye contact with people.

Magnitude - A mutant with the ability to produce varying levels of seismic disturbances fueled by flatulence. Depending on his diet, he can produce anything from a minor tremor to a megaquake.

Kid Calamity - A hyperactive boy with the ability to break every object he touches.

 

[RJDiogenes]

^^ The first one is great. The second one-- eh, I don't like anything scatological. The third one isn't a superpower; it's reality.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Gold bullets CANNOT kill you. In fact no gold can. You could be eating a can of spam while sitting on a park bench and a 524 ton block of gold could fall from the sky on top of you and even though the bench and the spam would be flattened you would be unhurt.

You are invincible to all attacks by gold.

 

[farmkid]

The power to eat ANYTHING. A voracious appetite that allows the "hero" to eat their way out of anything, eat bombs to neutralize them, etc.

 

[Aragorn]

The ability to to not touch the ground/floor for one second when you jump.

 

[The Badger]

Well, not from a standing start. I have to crouch all the way down to start. And to be honest, it's probably more like a little over 5 feet. It would be more if I was taller, I suspect - but I'm glad I'm not.

I can envision a dude just standing somewhere and then without any prep or warning - boom, he's 6 feet in the air. Kinda awesome, and, almost useless - so it has that going for it. But I'm worried I would waste a bit of time trying to explain this power to the person who gets it - or I wouldn't explain it well and it would get unused.

CB Fry, the English cricketer, footballer, and long jumper, had a party trick that he could perform well into his seventies. From a standing position he could jump, backwards, onto a mantelpiece.

 

[Theodore Jay Miller]

Gold bullets CANNOT kill you. In fact no gold can. You could be eating a can of spam while sitting on a park bench and a 524 ton block of gold could fall from the sky on top of you and even though the bench and the spam would be flattened you would be unhurt.

You are invincible to all attacks by gold.

Great candidate for the Green Lantern Corps in the yellow impurity days.

The power to eat ANYTHING. A voracious appetite that allows the "hero" to eat their way out of anything, eat bombs to neutralize them, etc.

Isn't that Matter Eater Lad of the Legion of Superheroes?

 

[Vendikarr]

The ability to find a perect parking space every time.

That's my power. People are always dragging me out shopping.

 

[farmkid]

The power to eat ANYTHING. A voracious appetite that allows the "hero" to eat their way out of anything, eat bombs to neutralize them, etc.

Isn't that Matter Eater Lad of the Legion of Superheroes?

Could be. I'm not familiar with the Legion of Superheroes, so I don't know. This is actually a character I created for bedtime stories for my children. I called him Little Billy, named after a billy goat.

 

[Skywalker]

The power to eat ANYTHING. A voracious appetite that allows the "hero" to eat their way out of anything, eat bombs to neutralize them, etc.

Isn't that Matter Eater Lad of the Legion of Superheroes?

Yep. He's from the planet Bismoll.

 

[backstept]

the ability to perfectly straighten paperclips
super-hearing . . . you can hear words spoken from anywhere on earth, but only by Fran Drescher

 

[starfox]

The ability to move your lips in one language while speaking in another, like in dubbed movies.

The ability to change the size and shape of your feet to fit any arbitrary pair of shoes perfectly. Even if they're mismatched.

 

[Trekker4747]

Turkey Volume Guessing. Have the ability to express the volume of any given space in terms of how many turkeys it would take to fill that space.