Caption Contest 62: The Shadow Knows

[Nerys Myk]

But first, the winners!

The cooleddie's Back Award

MALCOLM: WHOA, little fella.

Calm down. You'll get your chance later. When they're asleep.

Helpful Hints Award

Reed: "This is your standard action hero pose. If you want to spice it up...

*turns gun sideways*

"...I suggest the gangsta."

Helpful Hints Award II

Archer: Have you noticed how pretty much nobody is captioning this picture?

Bu'kah: Try staring at your crotch, maybe that'll drive up some interest.

Top Shop Award

Reed - I am going to beat Tucker in this weeks Water Fight. When I was a boy I had 50 of these bad boys. I have built my collection to 1000's. I only have this one on aboard with me.

Sato - Wow thats great....your a virgin aren't you?

Reed (Sighs heavily) - Yes....

Reed - Hold it right there, you Suliban scum!!!

Sato - Er.. Lieutenant...thats your Super Soaker.

Reed - Damn!!

It Is A Contest Award

T'Pol: "Geez, relax, Sato! It's not a contest!"

Brain And Brain Award

Reed - ARGH MY BRAIN IS TRYING TO ESCAPE!!!
Phlox - Lieutenant, it was just a sneeze.
Reed - Sez you.....get back in there brain...

Your Prize:

 

[Nerys Myk]

And now this contest's pics:

 

[Rat Boy]

Archer: "Don't worry, I think we can get out of this. This cheap siding should give way easily."

T'Pol: "Could you have waited until the guard was out of earshot before explaining your getaway plan, oh brave captain?"

Trip: "Did I leave the iron on?"

Reed: "Your house was destroyed by the Xindi. Does it matter anymore?"

Hoshi: "Malcolm!"

Reed: "Too soon?"

Mayweather: "Can I interject something?"

Trip, Hoshi, and Reed: "NO!"

Andorian: "You have a purty mouth, pink skin."

Archer: "Is that a gun under your blanket or are you just happy to see me?"

T'Pol: "It is my knee."

Archer: "Suuuuuuuuuuure."

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

T'Pol: I don't mind being tied up with you, but I did NOT agree to a third person being involved.

Malcolm: So how were they captured?

Trip: Well, some fighter plane shot at the shuttle.

Malcolm: Why didn't they land, grab their survival gear and go into hiding? And why didn't we send down a shuttlepod right away?

Travis: Or Move the ship into the atmosphere and totally own that fighter?

Trip: Too many... plot....holes....

Hoshi: Stop! You know what kind of effect Plot holes have on Commander Tucker!

Malcolm: Man, I will be soooo glad when they switch you out for Talas.

Archer: So then after that hiking accident in the 3rd grade, I decided to take up kayaking, which led to me dislocating my shoulder-

T'Pol: Okay! I get it! You had a lot of athletic injuries as a kid! Do humans actually want to hear these when they're in the hospital?

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

T'Pol: "I need to pee."
Archer: "Aw crap, that didn't come up at hero school."

Trip: out of the side of his mouth "Hey, who's the black guy?"
Hoshi: "I dunno, I keep seeing him around though."
Malcolm: "I think it's... No, I have nothing."
Mayweather: "Son of a..."

Malcolm: "Hey, who's the blue guy?"
Trip: "Mayweather."
Malcolm: "Right..."

Archer: "Hi, I'm Jonathan Archer, and I'll be conducting your gyno today. On today's menu is latex gloves, lube, or would madam want to go au naturelle?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win!

Archer: "Back to back. Always back to back. Why couldn't they, just once, tie us up front to front?"
T'Pol: "You're a pig."

Keating: "Apparently, Linda is still feuding with our hairdressing department."
Park: "Shut up!"

Andorian: "Prisoners? Why do you think you're prisoners? Just because we tied you up? That's just what we do here! What kind of bar did you think this was, anyway?"

Archer: "So...the next time I tell you to stay away from Trip's 'Cajun Surprise' gumbo, maybe you'll listen."

 

[Admiral Shran]

Archer: You know, I never thought I would die like this. Dreamed? Yes. But never actually thought it would happen.
T'Pol: For crying out loud.

Trip: Who the hell photoshopped the three of you into this picture? Because whoever it was did a lousy job.

Malcolm: You know I never thought I'd die like this. Dreamed? Yes. But I never thought it would actually happen.
Trip: Oh, for crying out loud!

T'Pol: And then Phlox made a three inch incision just under my right breast so he could insert a tube into my lung in order to keep me breathing. After that he applied another one of his eels to my face to repair the scrape I got when I fell to the ground. Finally, after three hours of surgery, he revived me and gave me the rundown of what happened on the mission after I was shot.
Archer (thinking): Did I hear something about breasts in there?

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Andorian: "You have a purty mouth, pink skin."

Shran: (cont.) "I'm going to make you squeal like an Andorian pig!"


Trip : "Gulp"

Shran: " You haven't seen blue balls until you've been with my wife"

Trip; " Now there's an image I want out of my head and fast"

Malcolm: " Agreed Commander..."

 

[ToMaHaKeR]

T'Pol: ''Captain, I believe something really bad is going to happen soon... A star becoming a supernova... Or even my homeworld being destroyed.''

Archer: ''What makes you say that?''

T'Pol: ''There's a slight lens flare in this room.''

Archer (after a brief pause): ''I really could have a beer right now...''

 

[Finn]

Trip: Damn...this happens when the Cap'n is away. Any ideas, guys?

Hoshi: I could encrypt that last sentence the alien said before they went to warp

Malcolm: I could track the phaser particles and see where they went

Travis: Aye, sir. Full Impulse

Trip: *sigh* This is getting ridculous... the whole one line the writers has been giving Mayweather....

 

[Kirby]

Director (o/s): Ok everyone that was great, but let's all try to look in the same direction for this next one.

Andorian: I know this may be a little off-topic, what with me holding you prisoner and all, but how much do you guys think I can bench press?

Archer: Good news! Phlox is going to let me scrub in and assist on your surgery. And when I say assist, I mean I'm just going to stare at your boobies while you're unconcious. Hey, have those sedatives kicked in yet?

 

[NX-01]

Thanks for the win!

 

[Rat Boy]

Hoshi: "This is just a thought, but maybe could try looking for my contact lens on the floor?"

 

[jep]

Archer: "Jesus Christ, I thought it was supposed to be a kinder, gentler season of American Idol this year."

T' Pol: I told you you shouldn't have tried to sing "Sherry Baby", but would you listen? Nooooooo."


.

 

[LeadHead]

Archer: Some say Houdini was double jointed. I don't suppose Vulcans are double jointed?

T'Pol: Only during Pon Farr.

Archer: So then, after we realized you'd been shot in the ass, we all had a legitimate reason to stare at it for awhile.

 

[jep]

Andorian: Is it safe?... Is it safe?

Trip: You're talking to me?

Andorian: Is it safe?

Malcolm: Is what safe?

Andorian: Is it safe?

Malcolm: I don't know what you mean. I can't tell you something's safe or not, unless I know specifically what you're talking about.

Andorian: Is it safe?

Trip: Tell me what the "it" refers to.

Andorian: Is it safe?

Malcolm: Yes, it's safe, it's very safe, it's so safe you wouldn't believe it.

Andorian: Is it safe?

Trip: No. It's not safe, it's... very dangerous, be careful.


.

 

[Mistral]

Reed: "Did you see who kidnapped us?"

Trip: "No, I was unconscious too. I just hope it wasn't the Andorians. Their skin makes me sick. It looks just like a meatloaf gone really bad."

Reed: "Uh, Trip?"

Trip: "There's one behind me, isn't there? Damn."

 

[LeadHead]

Multi Picture entry

Trip: So you found them?

Malcolm: Yup, they're in a compound just outside the capital city. We can beam them aboard right now.

Travis: I'll head down to the Transporter-

Trip: Well that's not very heroic. Malcolm and I will go down there, kick some butt and end up getting promoted.

20 minutes later....

Malcolm: What was that you said about 'butt kicking" Commander?

Trip: Shut up.

 

[alte]

Patch Adams: "How many Vulcan lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Who cares...we just want to watch!"

 

[LeadHead]

Patch Adams: How dare you steal your theme song from my movie!