FIVE MINUTE SMALLVILLE
EXT - Metropolivocerville - Dawusk.
Clark falls 50 stories from the top of The Daily Planet building. Despite being impaled with Blue-Kryptonite. and thus unpowered, he lands on the ground relatively intact. Lois find him.
LOIS: "Oh Clark?! Clark?! I love you! Don't die, or at least stay dead long enough for me to play homage to the "death of Superman" comic page! Hey, what's this blue thing?"
:yoink:
LOIS: It's shiny! I'll toss it over there and run-off, 'k thx bye!
EXT - Ethereal Purgatory Farmfield - Daytime and Partly Aurora Borealisly
CLARK: What? Where am I? What am I doing here? Am I dead? Won't somebody SAAAAAVVVVEEEE ME?!
JARNELL: Clark. I've been telling you for ten years now, stop being a douche, accept your destiny and become the hero people want you to be.
CLARK: What people? The people of the Earth?
JARNELL: No. The three million people who've been watching you and putting up with your crap the last nine years.
CLARK: Oh, them. Eh, who needs them. I've got a contract. No flights. No tights.
Jarnell: Dammit, I'm sick of hearing that. That's it. I'm cutting you off. 'k thx bye!
EXT - Metropolivocerville
CLARK: (Wakes up. ) Huh. That was odd. I was in a dream that I was in a cornfield. Thankful there was no Kevin Costner. Well, I better go run off and take care of some things!
:SUPERSPEED!:
LOIS: (double clicks her mouse to Clark's super-speed.)
INT - SOMEWHERE - Darkfilter Time Of Day
CHLOE: Clark! How's it going?! What are you doing here?!
CLARK: My dad warned me, when I heard about Lex I came!
CHLOE: :stifles a laugh:
CLARK: What? Why do you always laugh when I say that? It's important that I come before Lex.
CHOLE: (Rolls on floor, laughing)
INT - Spooky Lab Set #237c
TESS wakes up and peels a slab of gelled cum of her face. This causes her only mild disturbance. She finds a bunch of Lex clone pods, a younger version of Lex and an older version of Lex. She's somehow less disturbed about this than she is on how she woke up here, naked, a few minutes ago.
OLD LEX: Hi! Lex is cloning myself.
TESS: Can I say it?
OLD LEX: Say what?
TESS: You know.
OLD LEX: No, what?
TESS: Send in the clones!
OLD LEX: That's it, I'm lighting you and all my clones on fire. 'k thnx, bye!
INT - Dark Torture Dungeon Set 445aa
SHOW PRODUCERS: Contractual obligations say that Justin Hartley must appear shirtless at least once every episode whether the scene makes any sense or is relevant. This scene fulfills that obligation. See you next week.
INT - JLA Room - Day
CHLOE (dons a roman helmet): Oh man, the things people will say about this.
CLARK meets up CLONE-LEX
CLARK: Shouldn't you be carrying your brain around in a dish?
CLONE LEX: Hey, I've got very bad genes, okay! It's not like my father grew up to be a handsome man!
CLARK: Well what should we do?
CLONE LEX: What we always do. Have a battle of wits that I'll win with one of my cerebral lobes literally tied behind my back, we'll say things that'll reference things set to come in the mythos, we'll have a pillow fight, I'll die and then a better-looking clone of mine will fight you in 25 episodes. Good?
CLARK: Good.
CLONE LEX: Oh, and I've put your girlfriend in danger and also put some people in Metropolis in danger. Since you've never ran to South America in five seconds, or ran to and from Maine in one second. You can't possibly stop the globe and save Lo...
CLARK: Done and back. What were you saying about me?
CLONE LEX: Shit! And Spider-man 1 was such a good movie, too!
INT, or EXT. Not sure which. - Fortress of Solituide - Daytime, it's always daytime at the north pole.... Sorta.
CLARK: What's this place still doing here? Where's the drowning polar bears? Man, that Al Gore and his scissor lift is full of shit.
JARNELL: Didn't I tell you to stop being a douchebag?! That's it, I'm locking up your favorite clothes!
CLARK: But those are Brandon's.
JARNELL: Whatever. Done.
EXT - KENT FARM - Bright, Sunny, Non-Metropolisian Daytime.
CLARK reads a letter. The next morning. Inside there's a letter from Lois. Who's in Africa. Standing in the middle of a dune. She got there, and mailed a letter, in less than a day.
BO KENT: Sup Clark.
CLARK: Am I dreaming, hallucinating, or did I OD on my Viccodin?
BO: Some of both. Remember when I told you you were a good boy, that your real father was an asshole and that I'm the one that's raised you to be good, moral and kind?
CLARK: Yeah.
BO slaps him in the back of the head.
BO: Well maybe you should watch the first Five Seasons on Blu-Ray :to camera: Available at CW.COM! :to Clark: And re-fresh your memory. Get over yourself and become fucking Superman!
CLARK: It's the last season! Just give me 20 more episodes!
BO: Fuck. This show's going to end like Voyager isn't it?