Ruler of the World thread
- Thread starter Miss Chicken
- Start date
Northern Germany is yours. I will look forward to watching you and Crusher Disciple fighting over Finland.
With all due respect to Your Chickenness (whose wisdom is as that of Solomon, and seemingly equally eager to split things into pieces), I request the Ross Ice shelf in Antarctica. An unusual request, Your Three-Leggedness, I admit, but I have (as yet) no desire to climb above my station.
As a relatively minor addition to the assembled powers of the BBS, whose sovereign account is but 16 months old, I am humbly aware that any substantial territorial claim would likely be rejected on account of relative inexperience. The iron fist of the Nasat requires the cold oversight of experience prior to assuming its destined post atop a pile of crushed and broken peasants. The native tribes of the Ross Ice shelf (which my sources identify as the "penguin" nation) will make a fine initial conquest, upon which I can carve a name for myself whilst earning the necessary experience. My ladder to power will consist of rungs slippery with penguin blood (and, of course, ice).
Upon accepting governorship of the shelf, I will assume (with your blessing), the title of Archon. Beyond the pleasing alliteration found in "Archon of Antarctica", the word is (as Your Literarianess is of course aware) derived from the same root as monarch (as in King Penguin, a title already held by one of the native tribes, soon to be subordinate to me), hierarchy (I will create a stable social pyramid by lining my penguins in neat little rows according to height, the largest to be my most trusted lieutenants), and anarchy (the current state of the Antarctic, deplorably). As the first true law and authority in this formally lawless territory, I will add to the civilized world with Your Tripedal-Felineness as inspiration. The name of Miss Chicken will forever be associated with the rule of law and the expansion of civilized authority.
My teams of penguin serfs will, naturally, construct vast ice sculptures reflecting the many facets of Miss Chicken. Miss Chicken the Wise, Miss Chicken the Firm but Fair, Miss Chicken the Noble, and so forth. This vast display of your supremity will stand as testament to your vision, and will make me much money as tourists flock to see it (such profits will be used to fund the development of the primitive natives, so earning their undying loyalty). The King Penguins and Emperor Penguins will soon fall into line behind the Archon.
It is, I believe, destiny. Roald Amundsen described part of the region thus:
"After half an hour’s march we were already at the first important point — the connection between the sea-ice and the Barrier. This connection had always haunted our brains. What would it be like? ...This mighty and terrible monster would, of course, offer resistance in some form or other"
A prescient vision of the great ice scuplture of Miss Chicken, guarding the realm against sedition?
Research "scientists" currently studying the shelf will be fed to the Leopard Seals as spies. My elite Rockhopper commandos will defend the realm, while making appropriate ice-related puns such as the ever popular "freeze!".
I am but a humble bloodthirsty overlord, Your Supremerulerness, and I respectably ask that my unusual request be granted.
Life to Miss Chicken!
EDIT: My vision: below! Archon Deranged Nasat stands before the Great Monument, raising the Antarctic Banner of Her Tripedalness.
Also: The Archon Deranged Nasat and his loyal lieutenants/citizens establish the capital city of the realm, Nasatasia. Note the Great Statue of Miss Chicken at the city gates and the formidable air defences even now being developed.
The inner red boundry marks the Realm Proper, Your Tripedalness - the Ross Ice Shelf. The capital and other planned cities are marked, as are projected road/sledding systems. The Nasat Protectorate is the second red boundry (the broken one), demonstrating for Your Rulership the proposed expansion of the Realm to cover much of the rest of Antarctica should it remain unclaimed. Future conquests as part of my Manifest Destiny are projected in the east of the continent.
Capital: Nasatasia.
Form of Government: Supreme Nasatocracy.
State Religion: Reverence for Her Tripedalness, Miss Chicken.
Flag:
As a relatively minor addition to the assembled powers of the BBS, whose sovereign account is but 16 months old, I am humbly aware that any substantial territorial claim would likely be rejected on account of relative inexperience. The iron fist of the Nasat requires the cold oversight of experience prior to assuming its destined post atop a pile of crushed and broken peasants. The native tribes of the Ross Ice shelf (which my sources identify as the "penguin" nation) will make a fine initial conquest, upon which I can carve a name for myself whilst earning the necessary experience. My ladder to power will consist of rungs slippery with penguin blood (and, of course, ice).
Upon accepting governorship of the shelf, I will assume (with your blessing), the title of Archon. Beyond the pleasing alliteration found in "Archon of Antarctica", the word is (as Your Literarianess is of course aware) derived from the same root as monarch (as in King Penguin, a title already held by one of the native tribes, soon to be subordinate to me), hierarchy (I will create a stable social pyramid by lining my penguins in neat little rows according to height, the largest to be my most trusted lieutenants), and anarchy (the current state of the Antarctic, deplorably). As the first true law and authority in this formally lawless territory, I will add to the civilized world with Your Tripedal-Felineness as inspiration. The name of Miss Chicken will forever be associated with the rule of law and the expansion of civilized authority.
My teams of penguin serfs will, naturally, construct vast ice sculptures reflecting the many facets of Miss Chicken. Miss Chicken the Wise, Miss Chicken the Firm but Fair, Miss Chicken the Noble, and so forth. This vast display of your supremity will stand as testament to your vision, and will make me much money as tourists flock to see it (such profits will be used to fund the development of the primitive natives, so earning their undying loyalty). The King Penguins and Emperor Penguins will soon fall into line behind the Archon.
It is, I believe, destiny. Roald Amundsen described part of the region thus:
"After half an hour’s march we were already at the first important point — the connection between the sea-ice and the Barrier. This connection had always haunted our brains. What would it be like? ...This mighty and terrible monster would, of course, offer resistance in some form or other"
A prescient vision of the great ice scuplture of Miss Chicken, guarding the realm against sedition?
Research "scientists" currently studying the shelf will be fed to the Leopard Seals as spies. My elite Rockhopper commandos will defend the realm, while making appropriate ice-related puns such as the ever popular "freeze!".
I am but a humble bloodthirsty overlord, Your Supremerulerness, and I respectably ask that my unusual request be granted.
Life to Miss Chicken!
EDIT: My vision: below! Archon Deranged Nasat stands before the Great Monument, raising the Antarctic Banner of Her Tripedalness.
Also: The Archon Deranged Nasat and his loyal lieutenants/citizens establish the capital city of the realm, Nasatasia. Note the Great Statue of Miss Chicken at the city gates and the formidable air defences even now being developed.
The inner red boundry marks the Realm Proper, Your Tripedalness - the Ross Ice Shelf. The capital and other planned cities are marked, as are projected road/sledding systems. The Nasat Protectorate is the second red boundry (the broken one), demonstrating for Your Rulership the proposed expansion of the Realm to cover much of the rest of Antarctica should it remain unclaimed. Future conquests as part of my Manifest Destiny are projected in the east of the continent.
Capital: Nasatasia.
Form of Government: Supreme Nasatocracy.
State Religion: Reverence for Her Tripedalness, Miss Chicken.
Flag:
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I would like the British Isles if I could please. I will rule it however you wish.
As the population of England is around the 50 million mark you will have to settle for that. Others will have to claim Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland.
I will accept what you have provided without question. Thank you, Miss Chicken, for your generosity.
In honor of the great Miss Chicken and my new reign as King I make the following decrees. London will now be renamed Chickdon. Everyone in the country will be asked to worship at the Church of Chicken. The official animal of England is now the cat. I am also moving the country's ruling seat to Windsor Castle, which will now be known as Eggsor. Since I will no longer need Buckingham Palace, it will be converted into a Mr. Cluck’s Chicken Palace. A large lighted fiberglass chicken sign will be installed on top of the roof to designate the palace’s new affiliation. Only Chicken or Chicken-related balloons can be flown over Battersea Power Station. The Royal Guard will now do the chicken dance during the changing of the guard.
I have a few additional mandates. The coked-up Kate Moss, the bitchy Naomi Campbell, Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse are forever banished to Cook Island to be hunted for sport. They make us look bad. Any other celebrities or royals that damage the country will be banished in the same manner. (I am watching you Sienna Miller.) My subjects will be required to wear only Elizabethan style dress. You may mix and match appropriately. The adorable Daniel Radcliffe is now the mayor of Chickdon. For my own amusement I would like Dylan Moran, Matt Lucas and David Walliams to resurrect their respective shows. I expect new series of Black Books and Little Britain to be in production by the end of the month. Keane is now the official Eggsor Castle musicians. Tom Baker is now the official voice of England and will have his own show on the BBC. Morning Television is hereby abolished and outlawed.
To my fellow rulers, for negotiating purposes I will require “husbands” to be submitted as part of any negotiating package. They will be housed at Eggsor Castle until I become bored of them. They will then be sent to reside in the Tower of Chickdon. If you cross or disrespect me or my country I will be forced to execute your corresponding man with the removal of his head. All heads will be mailed back to you through the post.
And Jonathon Wally, I will be happy to change the name of the island of Jersey… for a price. To complete the deal I require two dozen tanning beds and four cases of malt liquor. I will also need one svelte Guido for my royal sex dungeon.
The new digs… yeah baby. My ass is livin in a castle, yo.
Feel like some chicken? Be sure to try our new Extra Crispy Royal Chicken Lickin Bucket.
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Lady Miss Chicken, I would like to humbly lay claim to my ancestral homeland of Ireland (all of it!) I would also wish to add Scotland and Wales to my dominion.
Today will mark the birth of the Celtic Confederation!
Plus could I also take a chuck of European Russia surrounding and including that great city-state St Petersburg? (Petrogard)
Today will mark the birth of the Celtic Confederation!
Plus could I also take a chuck of European Russia surrounding and including that great city-state St Petersburg? (Petrogard)
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CD and I attended the Hulk's intensive two week seminar on leadership and negotiations entitled "SMASH!". We both earned our purple pants attending. And his amazing book, "AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH", on dealing with insurgence is an inspiration. I hate it for our global neighbors when the time comes to deal with us.
^^ That will be a Banner Day. Hahah. Get it? 
Don't worry. My "dangerous experiments" will take care of them.
*crawls into room, muttering "I am not worthy"*
Blessings be upon you, oh the Mighty Miss Chicken. Your humble servant requests her ancestral home, the Netherlands, for ruling. As Bitch Queen of the Netherlands my first action will be to ban demented elderly aunts from dragging helpless children to equally demented distant relatives (no traumatic childhood issues here, nope). My rule will be firm but fair, except when I break a nail or have a bad hair day, in which case I may have random citizens round up and shot just for the hell of it. The colour orange will be banned, not because it represents Protestantism, but because it doesn't go with my complexion. I'm leaving the pot houses and the red light districts alone, though, because if I so much as think of doing anything with those fine institutions I'll be drawn and quartered by the TNZ squad.
I await your approval, oh Divine Fowl One.
Blessings be upon you, oh the Mighty Miss Chicken. Your humble servant requests her ancestral home, the Netherlands, for ruling. As Bitch Queen of the Netherlands my first action will be to ban demented elderly aunts from dragging helpless children to equally demented distant relatives (no traumatic childhood issues here, nope). My rule will be firm but fair, except when I break a nail or have a bad hair day, in which case I may have random citizens round up and shot just for the hell of it. The colour orange will be banned, not because it represents Protestantism, but because it doesn't go with my complexion. I'm leaving the pot houses and the red light districts alone, though, because if I so much as think of doing anything with those fine institutions I'll be drawn and quartered by the TNZ squad.
I await your approval, oh Divine Fowl One.
So lets see of I have the newest claims right
Deranged Nasat - Ross Ice Shelf
And because you sucked up so well I will give you the Galapagos Islands as well so that you can lord over the penguins that live there.
Thor Damar - Ireland, Scotland and Wales plus St Petersburg.
I want you to make it compulsory for men to wear kilts in all three countries.
Macloudt - The Netherlands
My brother lived in Leiden for a while. He said geese are allowed to have the run of the city. Something about the geese warning that city that the Spanish were nearby (? - I haven't been able to find any info on the internet about this). I want you to make Leiden a refuge for any goose that is fleeing persecution.
Deranged Nasat - Ross Ice Shelf
And because you sucked up so well I will give you the Galapagos Islands as well so that you can lord over the penguins that live there.
Thor Damar - Ireland, Scotland and Wales plus St Petersburg.
I want you to make it compulsory for men to wear kilts in all three countries.
Macloudt - The Netherlands
My brother lived in Leiden for a while. He said geese are allowed to have the run of the city. Something about the geese warning that city that the Spanish were nearby (? - I haven't been able to find any info on the internet about this). I want you to make Leiden a refuge for any goose that is fleeing persecution.
I'll request Kazakhstan. The new patron of the steppes shall be the almighty Miss Chicken, and all the inhabitants shall bow before her. I shall rename all the vaguely unpronounceable city names to ones befitting of the Great Miss Chicken, and I shall write a song in Kazakh to be the new national anthem, obviously full of cats and chickens and the like.
The Aral Sea shall have a huge statue of Miss Chicken commisioned on it. The poor peasants shall all pay taxes to me, of which a large percentage goes to the Kazakh Miss Chicken fund.
I also may start wars with any other would-be rulers of the steppes.
The Aral Sea shall have a huge statue of Miss Chicken commisioned on it. The poor peasants shall all pay taxes to me, of which a large percentage goes to the Kazakh Miss Chicken fund.
I also may start wars with any other would-be rulers of the steppes.
It is yours.
I want ti know how tall the huge statue will be and what it will be made of (black marble or black jade would be nice)
With the permission of the Great and Powerful Miss Chicken, I would humbly like to request the Country of Ukraine, and the state of Oklahoma, and if ElimParra is willing to share, the Texas counties of Wise, Montague, Dallas, and Tarrant.
For tribute, I shall have my people build statues that shall tower over the land depicting the Great Cat. Also, if anyone harms a cat, they shall be castrated and forced to clean bird poo off of the cat statues for the rest of their lives.
For tribute, I shall have my people build statues that shall tower over the land depicting the Great Cat. Also, if anyone harms a cat, they shall be castrated and forced to clean bird poo off of the cat statues for the rest of their lives.
I will give you the Ukraine and Oklahoma as their combine populations come to just over 50 million.
ElimParra will have to decide about Texas.
Where do you plan to live - Ukraine or Oklahoma?
ElimParra will have to decide about Texas.
Where do you plan to live - Ukraine or Oklahoma?
I might suggest using this as a starting point.
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWGm8HvOrNI[/yt]
As the mood strikes me, either. I could spend summers on the Black Sea. Winter in Oklahoma and visit the casnios.
I tell ya if Elim Parra will just let me have Montague and Wise Counties (in Texas) I'll be perfectly happy.
I'd like British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan and the Yukon Territory. I will shut down the Tar Sands and increase the royalties on oil. I will use the uranium from Saskatchewan for nuclear power plants.
Most importantly I will force Chris Haddock to make more episodes of Intelligence and use the revenue from the oil and nuclear power to fund the new episodes.
After enough episodes have been made I will start experimenting with an anarchist government which will ultimately lead to the end of my rule.
Edited to add: I'm also going to get more episodes of The Tournament made and buy the rights to Made in Canada so that I can get it released on DVD.
Most importantly I will force Chris Haddock to make more episodes of Intelligence and use the revenue from the oil and nuclear power to fund the new episodes.
After enough episodes have been made I will start experimenting with an anarchist government which will ultimately lead to the end of my rule.
Edited to add: I'm also going to get more episodes of The Tournament made and buy the rights to Made in Canada so that I can get it released on DVD.
Your wish is granted. I haven't watched any of those shows, so I don't know if new episodes are a good thing or not.
WHF, might I also humbly suggest you force the entire cast of Corner Gas to reunite and make more episodes? 
