This rarely happens - I'm angry
- Thread starter Goji
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You DO have a target for your anger... HER. Either ignore her, and do nothing, because you will likely be better off not bothering yourself with garbage like her, or, you can just reply, and just let loose bigtime on her. Dish it out to her just as much as she dished it out on you, and make her feel the hurt. Then just cut yourself off from her totally, and ignore her. You will have said your bit, and unleashed just as much vitriol on her as she did on you, and you can get some satisfaction from that.
Holy shit dude, I'm having a similar thing with my ex. She treats me like crap, then gets upset when I defriend her. She's back on, but I'm reserving my interactions for people that actually like me.
Despite the fact that I WAS very angry last night, this isn't really who I am. I feel much better this morning and I regret much of my anger, which I feel was misplaced. If I wanted to be angry at her I should have been more so at the time, not years later when she is, if anything, trying to reach out. I still have no idea what her problem is or why she wants to connect now, if that is indeed what she wants, but I'm not going to carry a grudge against her.
I've sent her a polite message simply saying I am confused and curious as to why she wants to talk. Based on her response I'll see what my next move will be. Honestly, I'm a very forgiving person, maybe more so than I ought to be. But I think that regardless, since that is my nature, I'd be happier with an outcome that allowed me to forgive her than just getting the opportunity to "vent" my anger into her. Anyway, we'll see.
Thanks everyone for your input. I appreciate all comments.
What you've decided to do is probably similar to what I would have done. I probably would have sent a message that said something like, "It has been a while since we last spoke, and I feel a little confused by your friend request. Until I understand the reasons that you stopped speaking to me before, I don't feel that I can move forward with you in my life. Whether you would like to explain the reasons to me or not, I hope you've found some peace in your life and that we can both move on from the painful situation we were in." If the response is amiable, then we could start back at square one as acquaintances and move forward from there. If she is angry, rude, or denies the situation entirely as if nothing happened, I would delete the message and forget about her.
Nice. That's exactly what I would have suggested. Who knows what she was going through then, or what changes she's gone through since.
It happens. A girl I dated since 2005, spending much of the day for several years messaging back and forth, got suddenly hard to reach via phone or Yahoo. Then early last winter she said, "I'm a liar and a cheater." She'd hooked up with a guy who comments at a blog I used to host. Then I couldn't get a hold of her till January when she said, "It's been crazy here. My phone can't get a signal, my Yahoo is screwed up, and I'm getting married." I've tried contacting her since then via just about everything I can think of, but to no avail. For a while I thought she might be dead, but her phone still has the same message. It's been like getting stabbed in the heart every day for a year, but that's just the way girls are.
i had a bad split with a friend many years ago..
several years after that we just happened to run into each other.
we pretty much put aside what happened and became very close again until she died of breat cancer.
i would at least accept and then send the simple question why.
if you dont get an apology/ explanation you can then say this dosnt seem like a good idea, unfriend her and then go on.
but i am a little bit like finn.. she may have been going through some major crazyness and just didnt want to drag you down into it.
or she could just be a mean bitch.
but you might get an answer and greater closure.
several years after that we just happened to run into each other.
we pretty much put aside what happened and became very close again until she died of breat cancer.
i would at least accept and then send the simple question why.
if you dont get an apology/ explanation you can then say this dosnt seem like a good idea, unfriend her and then go on.
but i am a little bit like finn.. she may have been going through some major crazyness and just didnt want to drag you down into it.
or she could just be a mean bitch.
but you might get an answer and greater closure.
Okay, I've received a message from her.
Basically, she feels she is not in a good place in her life now and as a result has spent time thinking back to happier times, which I guess included our friendship. She has tiptoed around any mention of what happened to end that friendship, only saying that she "remembers only kind things about me" and that it was painful for her to read the part of my message that described how I felt when we parted ways. Who knows if I'll get a reason for what happened. I've always suspected, and now feel almost certain, that there never really was a reason at all.
She says she wants to meet again at some point, but I'm in Japan now so that's half a year off at the earliest. For the moment I am content to exchange emails with her and see if she is indeed someone I can ever trust again. I'm not angry at her and I'll take it one step at a time. I'm actually quite happy at the moment that, at least, she doesn't seem to hate me anymore. So, progress.
Basically, she feels she is not in a good place in her life now and as a result has spent time thinking back to happier times, which I guess included our friendship. She has tiptoed around any mention of what happened to end that friendship, only saying that she "remembers only kind things about me" and that it was painful for her to read the part of my message that described how I felt when we parted ways. Who knows if I'll get a reason for what happened. I've always suspected, and now feel almost certain, that there never really was a reason at all.
She says she wants to meet again at some point, but I'm in Japan now so that's half a year off at the earliest. For the moment I am content to exchange emails with her and see if she is indeed someone I can ever trust again. I'm not angry at her and I'll take it one step at a time. I'm actually quite happy at the moment that, at least, she doesn't seem to hate me anymore. So, progress.
You sound a lot like me. Would have handled it the same way. Hope it works out for the best!
Ah, Facebook. Didn't somebody post in my one of my threads that FB was the root of all misery? It's not always the case, of course. The simple solution is not to accept the friendship request from someone you don't like. Despicable classmates and nightmare teachers are all history to me, as far as I'm concerned.
I believe that friendships change, and although Diana might have been a very good friend at one point, she changed for the worse. I'd like to iterate what I said (and read) before: there's a reason people from your past never made it to your present.
Spots Meow's advice, as well as your own private message to her, would be the "emotionally intelligent" way to respond to her. It's a skill that takes a lot of time and effort to develop.
I believe that friendships change, and although Diana might have been a very good friend at one point, she changed for the worse. I'd like to iterate what I said (and read) before: there's a reason people from your past never made it to your present.
Spots Meow's advice, as well as your own private message to her, would be the "emotionally intelligent" way to respond to her. It's a skill that takes a lot of time and effort to develop.
Her not hating you should mean nothing. Her opinion of you in general should mean nothing as she seems like a very toxic person. I'm not saying to cut her out but don't judge yourself by how she views you.
Umm...I get the sentiment, but that's entirely too detailed, weird (and loaded with an ultimatum to boot) for what should be a simple message.
Eh, my last ex stuck me with $2,000 worth of charges on a credit card I (stupidly) let her use. I don't blame the whole gender for that though, you shouldn't either.
I don't and would never "judge" myself based on how anyone views me. I do, however, dislike the feeling that one of my former friends was, at one point, hating me and refusing to speak to me. It didn't ruin my life or anything but it wasn't a wonderful experience either.
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