Tell me all your problems...

[Zulu Romeo]

Dear Dr. Absent,

I no longer have any worries about what had been worrying me for the last year and a bit. Should I be worried about this disturbing change of behaviour?

Yours, etc.

"Mr. Smith" (Mrs.)

 

[trekkiedane]

Dear Dr. Absent,

It's the weekend, he's probably just out hitting a ball with a stick.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Dear Dr. Absent,

It's the weekend, he's probably just out hitting a ball with a stick.

Is that what they're calling it these days?

 

[RoJoHen]

Dear Dr. Absent,

It's the weekend, he's probably just out hitting a ball with a stick.

Is that what they're calling it these days?

Snap!

 

[Holdfast]

After a long and exhaustive study, I have determined beyond any doubt that I am the perfect man for Lucy Liu. Inexplicably, however, Ms. Liu does not seem to recognize this fact at all. How can I save this wonderful woman from her own ignorance?

Watch her, follow her, bundle her in the back of your van and then keep her in the cellar until Stockholm Syndrome to kicks in.

Do you plan on doing any more of those "Confession" threads in the future?

No. I got bored because none of you were interesting enough to keep me amused. Tales of unrequited love and the associated furious masturbation only go so far.

I am an aviation nut and trek nerd that spends way too much time on the computer. What can I do to break the cycle?

Attach the computer to the cockpit of your plane, fit thruster pods, and try to achieve LEO. All your hobbies, all at once. And no cycle. Unless pedalling is your preferred method of rocket propulsion.

I no longer have any worries about what had been worrying me for the last year and a bit. Should I be worried about this disturbing change of behaviour?

Definitely. You are nothing without your pain. I suggest you start using razor blades to cut your forearms in order to restore meaning to your world. No need to send me money as thanks; just carve my name into your arms instead.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

I no longer have any worries about what had been worrying me for the last year and a bit. Should I be worried about this disturbing change of behaviour?

Definitely. You are nothing without your pain. I suggest you start using razor blades to cut your forearms in order to restore meaning to your world. No need to send me money as thanks; just carve my name into your arms instead.

Oh, I have other pains. I have given names to my pains, many of which are TrekBBS-registered usernames.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Watch her, follow her, bundle her in the back of your van and then keep her in the cellar until Stockholm Syndrome to kicks in.

Brilliant! It's so simple and straightforward! Stockholm Syndrome is my friend!

But...now I miss my ear.

I do have another, unrelated, problem. Recently, the voices in my head have begun speaking in French. I, myself, do not understand French and so am unable to determine what they are telling me to do...and from the tone of their voices, it would seem to be something quite urgent. What should I do?

 

[1001001]

I no longer have any worries about what had been worrying me for the last year and a bit. Should I be worried about this disturbing change of behaviour?

Definitely. You are nothing without your pain. I suggest you start using razor blades to cut your forearms in order to restore meaning to your world. No need to send me money as thanks; just carve my name into your arms instead.

Now that's Psychiatry!

 

[ITL]

I no longer have any worries about what had been worrying me for the last year and a bit. Should I be worried about this disturbing change of behaviour?

Definitely. You are nothing without your pain. I suggest you start using razor blades to cut your forearms in order to restore meaning to your world. No need to send me money as thanks; just carve my name into your arms instead.

Oh, I have other pains. I have given names to my pains, many of which are TrekBBS-registered usernames.

* gasp *

So you're The_Laundry_Man! Fear of lemony freshness is no joke. Errr...I suppose.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Definitely. You are nothing without your pain. I suggest you start using razor blades to cut your forearms in order to restore meaning to your world. No need to send me money as thanks; just carve my name into your arms instead.

Oh, I have other pains. I have given names to my pains, many of which are TrekBBS-registered usernames.

* gasp *

So you're The_Laundry_Man! Fear of lemony freshness is no joke. Errr...I suppose.

I am many people.

 

[Holdfast]

Watch her, follow her, bundle her in the back of your van and then keep her in the cellar until Stockholm Syndrome to kicks in.

Brilliant! It's so simple and straightforward! Stockholm Syndrome is my friend!

But...now I miss my ear.

It's OK. All you have to do now is paint a self-portrait, sell it for millions and fund the necessary plastic surgery.

I do have another, unrelated, problem. Recently, the voices in my head have begun speaking in French. I, myself, do not understand French and so am unable to determine what they are telling me to do...and from the tone of their voices, it would seem to be something quite urgent. What should I do?

They're French. They won't actually do anything, so it's safe to ignore them.

I no longer have any worries about what had been worrying me for the last year and a bit. Should I be worried about this disturbing change of behaviour?

Definitely. You are nothing without your pain. I suggest you start using razor blades to cut your forearms in order to restore meaning to your world. No need to send me money as thanks; just carve my name into your arms instead.

Now that's Psychiatry!

I owe it all to my parents. The bastards.

So you're The_Laundry_Man! Fear of lemony freshness is no joke. Errr...I suppose.

Don't make me send Danny Baker over to doorstep challenge you.

 

[ITL]

I am many people.

Surely not itchyleg2278?

Don't make me send Danny Baker over to doorstep challenge you.

That would be a trial, but survivable. Just don't send Shane Ritchie. That would be one evil act too far, you sadistic swine.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Don't make me send Danny Baker over to doorstep challenge you.

That would be a trial, but survivable. Just don't send Shane Ritchie. That would be one evil act too far, you sadistic swine.

Send in the Cheggers.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Don't make me send Danny Baker over to doorstep challenge you.

That would be a trial, but survivable. Just don't send Shane Ritchie. That would be one evil act too far, you sadistic swine.

Send in the Cheggers.

Jeepers, Zee, you are truly evil

 

[Crusher Disciple]

Dear Dr. Whatshisface:

I seem to have an unhealthy obsession with sex. What should I do about it?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

A policeman came to my door today. He informed me that Lucy Liu was missing (of course, she's not really missing; she's snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug in my cellar! ) and that, due to some letters from me found in her home, he would like to question me about her disappearance. I told him that I really couldn't answer any questions about it just yet, but that I could assure him that Ms. Liu was perfectly safe and he shouldn't worry about her. The policeman then said he would be back with a warrant and left.

Should I be worried about this?

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Dear Dr. Whatshisface:

I seem to have an unhealthy obsession with sex. What should I do about it?

Visit glorious Azerbaijan.




..... that's all I got.

 

[Holdfast]

I seem to have an unhealthy obsession with sex. What should I do about it?

I suggest exposure therapy.

The policeman then said he would be back with a warrant and left.

Should I be worried about this?

Not in the slightest. When the policeman returns, offer him sexual favours with Ms Liu and all should be well. If, by chance, he is a homosexual, offer yourself instead. If he is homosexual and you are ugly, I'm afraid I cannot help you, but at least you won't be raped in prison.

 

[Udat]

Dear Holdfast, I think I`m falling in love with you. I`ve read this thread and decided I want your baby. However as a male I`m worried I might not be able to have babies... What should we do?

 

[Mary Ann]

Dear Dr. Holdfast, I have a teenager and 2 preteens. Murder is illegal in my country, and the buggers keep breaking out of the underground bunker. Suggestions?