Tell me all your problems...

[K'Ehleyr]

@ Dr Holdy
First 'joke' is on son and he and his friends will be there.
Is this funny at all?...
I'm very proud of my son [points him out in the somewhat thin audience] he is taking 'A' levels in psychology, philosophy,japanese and drama. I'm just glad he is looking seriously into the effects of starring in a Pokemon film.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Dear Dr. Fast,

Should I go out for Hamburger, or settle for steak at home?

Yours etc.

Dr. Zion Q Ravescene (Mrs.)

 

[Holdfast]

What of rare, unprofitable conditions and the inevitable orphan drug syndrome? Who do I need to kill to get meds left behind?

Obama. Think about it.

But I'm Canadian.

Can you help me with that, too?

Being Canadian? I'm not a miracle worker. Go into the woods, find a grizzly bear and let it rip you to shreds. It's cheaper than the years of therapy and more likely to result in satisfaction.

Anyhoo...I am afflicted with Northerner-ossity. Apparently I was born with it, so I'm lumbered. But coping is so difficult now that I live in the land of the Shandy Drinkers. They seem to think I'm constantly on the brink of Coal Delivery, Whippet Racing and worst of all....Flat Cap Wearing.

They're right. You'll only be comfortable amongst your own kind, in the land where the wheel and long-sleeved shirts have yet to be invented.

 

[Holdfast]

@ Dr Holdy
First 'joke' is on son and he and his friends will be there.

I'm very proud of my son [points him out in the somewhat thin audience] he is taking 'A' levels in psychology, philosophy,japanese and drama. I'm just glad he is looking seriously into the effects of starring in a Pokemon film.


Is this funny at all?...

Hey, I make the jokes in this thread. Are you trying to upstage me? I don't take kindly to that. Actually, I like the Pokemon angle and your punchline is already good. Depending on the actual makeup of the audience you could rephrase it:

"He's studying the ethical and emotional impact of catching all the Pokemon."

Should I go out for Hamburger, or settle for steak at home?

Have both, but hold the pickle on the burger so the steak can't tell you're cheating on it from your breath.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Sales are stagnant. Advertising is too expensive. What am I to do?

 

[T'Baio]

Obama. Think about it.

But I'm Canadian.

Can you help me with that, too?

Being Canadian? I'm not a miracle worker. Go into the woods, find a grizzly bear and let it rip you to shreds. It's cheaper than the years of therapy and more likely to result in satisfaction.

Grizzly bear? I'm not that Canadian. We do have cities, you know. Now what do I do?

 

[K'Ehleyr]

@ Dr Holdy
First 'joke' is on son and he and his friends will be there.

I'm very proud of my son [points him out in the somewhat thin audience] he is taking 'A' levels in psychology, philosophy,japanese and drama. I'm just glad he is looking seriously into the effects of starring in a Pokemon film.


Is this funny at all?...

Hey, I make the jokes in this thread. Are you trying to upstage me? I don't take kindly to that. Actually, I like the Pokemon angle and your punchline is already good. Depending on the actual makeup of the audience you could rephrase it:

"He's studying the ethical and emotional impact of catching all the Pokemon.".

1. Yes I am trying to upstage you.
2. Tough.
3. It's my Dad's local pub ~ I'm going to be lucky if they know what Pokemon are let alone ethics and emotions!

But thank you!

Oh God I'm scared!
Can I run another one past you and the rest of the board?

Should I go out for Hamburger, or settle for steak at home?

You're telling us you have a choice
[Love you Zee]

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Should I go out for Hamburger, or settle for steak at home?

You're telling us you have a choice

Mmf lmpfmsf ammfm smmmlmmfd.

[Love you Zee]

Mwah.

 

[Holdfast]

Sales are stagnant. Advertising is too expensive. What am I to do?

You need a new product that advertises itself. Imagine Kim Kardashian's butt, with flashing neon lights attached.

Grizzly bear? I'm not that Canadian. We do have cities, you know.

I know I said fake stories were welcome, but you could at least try to sound plausible.

 

[Kestra]

I have a sibling that's borderline and alternatively sends me presents in the mail or (very) angry e-mails/texts/other forms of communication. Rationality seems to have gone out the window. What should I do?

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Should I go out for Hamburger, or settle for steak at home?

Have both, but hold the pickle on the burger so the steak can't tell you're cheating on it from your breath.

But I never have pickle.

Besides, I can never go without onion rings, fries or a side salad as appropriate accompaniment.

 

[T'Baio]

Grizzly bear? I'm not that Canadian. We do have cities, you know.

I know I said fake stories were welcome, but you could at least try to sound plausible.

Umm...just back from playing hockey, eh. Sittin' here in tha igloo, and it's cold, eh. What should I do?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

After a long and exhaustive study, I have determined beyond any doubt that I am the perfect man for Lucy Liu. Inexplicably, however, Ms. Liu does not seem to recognize this fact at all. How can I save this wonderful woman from her own ignorance?

 

[trekkiedane]

After a long and exhaustive study, I have determined beyond any doubt that I am the perfect man for Lucy Liu. Inexplicably, however, Ms. Liu does not seem to recognize this fact at all. How can I save this wonderful woman from her own ignorance?

I know the correct answer to this one!

Cut off your ear and mail it to her!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Wait, wait, Holdfast -- weren't you the same MOD that had us secretly PMing you with confessions/secret stories?

I got a problem -- you know too much! I think you need to be dealth with.


Somewhere, someplace, you have an ever growing database of blackmailing glory.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Dear Holdfast:

No advice for me, thank you. Do you plan on doing any more of those "Confession" threads in the future?

Sincerely,

 

[Gaseous Anomaly]

Dear Holdfast,

I am an aviation nut and trek nerd that spends way too much time on the computer. What can I do to break the cycle?

GA {nut}

 

[RJDiogenes]

Sales are stagnant. Advertising is too expensive. What am I to do?

You need a new product that advertises itself. Imagine Kim Kardashian's butt, with flashing neon lights attached.

Great. Now I'm blind. Good thing I can touch type.

 

[1001001]

I have a sibling that's borderline and alternatively sends me presents in the mail or (very) angry e-mails/texts/other forms of communication. Rationality seems to have gone out the window. What should I do?

Dr. Holdfast, may I field this one?

The key to dealing with Borderlines is to threaten abandonment and rejection whenever they do something you don't approve of.

They respond to that really well.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

I know the correct answer to this one!

Cut off your ear and mail it to her!

Hey, give me some credit, man! Don't you think I've tried that already? I need some new ideas!