Another guy kissed my girlfriend.

[Kirk's_Tights]

Why does it matter when I finished college? My point is that I have at all, and he's quite a few years my senior and hasn't. I'm not so much trying to trash him and make myself seem superior as I am explaining that he and I are far from being equals. Yoda was trying to make it sound as if he and I were at the same point in our lives while at RadioShack, and that's not true. I'm not saying that everyone simply must go to college by the time they're 30, I just think being that age and working at a crap company like RS is rather...unfortunate.

And yes, I now work at what used to be Kinko's, but not only is it an interim job until I find work in my actual field, it's still relevant to my degree in many ways, and far superior in many ways to my job at RadioShack. I wish I had left that place much, much sooner.

I'm a little more inclined to believe that the lack of education comment was indeed a bit of a swipe at the guy....it otherwise has nothing to do with anything at all. His education level doesn't mean he is an idiot, he just might not know what he wants to do in life, which is something a lot of people have.

It's just silly to think that someone who went to college is any better than someone who didn't (I'm not saying you directly said this but you seemed to point towards 'well, I went to college and this guy is 30 and doesn't have the same education level as I do'). I went to college for a year, decided that the path I chose wasn't for me, and now I don't know what I want to do. That doesn't make me any better than a person who never stepped foot in college and that doesn't make me any worse than anyone for not going back at the moment to do something else.

How do you know he 'doesn't have it all'? The meaning is quite different for different people. Having a nice house and a nice family is having it all to some people. Having a great education, great friends and a great job is having it all to others. Perhaps this guy is happy with where he stands in life and he's at least being useful to society by having a job instead of being a lazy 30 year old who still lives at home with mommy and daddy.

I don't think it's fair to judge someone's life like that. Maybe he couldn't afford school. I know I sure as hell can't right now. Maybe he didn't know what to do. Maybe something happened in his life that prevented him from going. Fact of the matter is, had he not hit on your girl, the point he is at in his life wouldn't matter to you and you wouldn't judge it. It's only after he hit on her that you decide to say something about his life to put him down (and you basically were putting him down by saying in fewer words that this guy is older than you but isn't as educated at you and will waste away at RadioShack for the rest of his life while you move on to whatever you went to school for).


In the end, the lack of equality you two share has absolutely nothing to do with anything. It kinda sounds like you are trying to reassure yourself by saying 'this guy doesn't have the life I do so she wont go to him'. I do honestly sense a bit of insecurity on your part and you feel that you need to tell yourself that this guy doesn't have what it takes to 'steal' your girlfriend away when the fact of the matter is, he doesn't need anything at all. If she likes him, she'll go for it. He doesn't have to be well educated or have an amazing job.


It's not unfortunate to be 30 and working at RadioShack. The guy is making a living and supporting himself. It's low to knock someone down just because of the job they work at.

 

[doubleohfive]

Why does it matter when I finished college? My point is that I have at all, and he's quite a few years my senior and hasn't. I'm not so much trying to trash him and make myself seem superior as I am explaining that he and I are far from being equals. Yoda was trying to make it sound as if he and I were at the same point in our lives while at RadioShack, and that's not true. I'm not saying that everyone simply must go to college by the time they're 30, I just think being that age and working at a crap company like RS is rather...unfortunate.

And yes, I now work at what used to be Kinko's, but not only is it an interim job until I find work in my actual field, it's still relevant to my degree in many ways, and far superior in many ways to my job at RadioShack. I wish I had left that place much, much sooner.

I'm a little more inclined to believe that the lack of education comment was indeed a bit of a swipe at the guy....it otherwise has nothing to do with anything at all. His education level doesn't mean he is an idiot, he just might not know what he wants to do in life, which is something a lot of people have.

It's just silly to think that someone who went to college is any better than someone who didn't (I'm not saying you directly said this but you seemed to point towards 'well, I went to college and this guy is 30 and doesn't have the same education level as I do'). I went to college for a year, decided that the path I chose wasn't for me, and now I don't know what I want to do. That doesn't make me any better than a person who never stepped foot in college and that doesn't make me any worse than anyone for not going back at the moment to do something else.

How do you know he 'doesn't have it all'? The meaning is quite different for different people. Having a nice house and a nice family is having it all to some people. Having a great education, great friends and a great job is having it all to others. Perhaps this guy is happy with where he stands in life and he's at least being useful to society by having a job instead of being a lazy 30 year old who still lives at home with mommy and daddy.

I don't think it's fair to judge someone's life like that. Maybe he couldn't afford school. I know I sure as hell can't right now. Maybe he didn't know what to do. Maybe something happened in his life that prevented him from going. Fact of the matter is, had he not hit on your girl, the point he is at in his life wouldn't matter to you and you wouldn't judge it. It's only after he hit on her that you decide to say something about his life to put him down (and you basically were putting him down by saying in fewer words that this guy is older than you but isn't as educated at you and will waste away at RadioShack for the rest of his life while you move on to whatever you went to school for).


In the end, the lack of equality you two share has absolutely nothing to do with anything. It kinda sounds like you are trying to reassure yourself by saying 'this guy doesn't have the life I do so she wont go to him'. I do honestly sense a bit of insecurity on your part and you feel that you need to tell yourself that this guy doesn't have what it takes to 'steal' your girlfriend away when the fact of the matter is, he doesn't need anything at all. If she likes him, she'll go for it. He doesn't have to be well educated or have an amazing job.


It's not unfortunate to be 30 and working at RadioShack. The guy is making a living and supporting himself. It's low to knock someone down just because of the job they work at.

 

[doubleohfive]

Sorry but, whether the relationship was a different story or not, she was still in a relationship, regardless of it being an abusive one, and you still somewhat intruded by letting her know 'hey, this guy is a piece of garbage, so you can have me whenever you are ready'. It doesn't matter if she was unhappy or not, she was still involved with someone. It's the same situation here. She is in a relationship and some guy is telling her 'hey, I like you', which is what you did to her before, letting her know your feelings, the same thing this guy is doing. Doesn't matter if she is happy or not, that is beside the point. The point is, both times, she was involved with a person, she wasn't single.

You can't have your cake and eat it, too. You can't tell someone in a relationship you have feelings for them and get mad when it happens to you. Forget the 'she was in an abusive relationship' excuse because it really isn't an excuse. It was still a girl in love with a guy, no matter how much of a dick he was, and you still walked in and let her know that you wanted to be her next choice.

I like you and think you're a cool dude but you want to have it both ways and you can't. You did it and now this guy is doing it. The relationship 'happy/not happy' factor is no excuse for anyone to try to 'steal' someone away. I know you said that you didn't make a move until after she was single but that isn't entirely true because you said that you told her your feelings when you found out she was being abused and was miserable (but was still in the relationship). That is still making a move, whether physical or not.

Well, I have to disagree. To say that my act of simply informing her I was interested while she had a boyfriend is equal to kissing her while she has a boyfriend is like saying that a car company airing a TV commercial is exactly the same as a man from that car company physically forcing you to get behind the wheel and test drive their car.

Besides, my informing I was interested was purely secondary to my pleading that she get away from her ex. I was very clear that even if she had no interest in being with me, I would be happy if she at least got out of that terrible relationship. Of course her choosing to be with me in the end was preferable, but had she decided to stay single after dumping the guy, for whatever reason, I would have respected that choice and moved on.

This guy, however, has no such respect. He doesn't even wait to find out if she's interested and goes straight in for the proverbial kill. If anything, it is *because* the situations are somewhat similar that I am so upset by it...because I did wait until the appropriate time to finally become physical (i.e. when she was single, and I knew she was interested) This guy disregarded both of those key elements.

Look, Flux, this point is peripheral to the main topic here, and I may not be the right person to make this particular point and distinction, but Kirk's Tight is making a salient point here.

The fact that your girlfriend's ex was abusive is unfortunate and it is a good thing she got away from him.

However, you have to acknowledge the fact that essentially you gave her an out. Would she have left him if she didn't know you were waiting in the wings? We'll never know.

Admittedly, I don't know all the particulars here of your relationship and I am in no way trying to cast judgment or assume anything. I am simply saying that broad-board, the two scenarios here are quite similar and that's ok. History sometimes repeats itself, especially with regard to relationships and the people we choose to have them with. It's human. You're still young. Maybe it hasn't happened enough in your life yet, but it might. All I'm saying is, allow for that possibility that the very people you came to for advice, to vent to, might have different yet relevant life experience that might help you understand this situation better from outside your own perspective.

 

[TheBrew]

I think that we should all agree on one thing: retail sucks. Hard.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I have applied to the three Radio Shack stores in our area. I check up on them often, and still no luck. So right now I'm trying to revive my computer business to bring in money. I don't have a degree in it, but I am very good, have a very high success rate for repairs, and am reasonable in pricing. If I can get my customer base back and use everything I learned from the first attempt, I think I can do it.

Do the grocery stores, churches, etc. in your area have bulletin boards for local businesses? If so, post up flyers selling your services on the following points:

* Price -- You are no doubt undercutting Geek Squad, Radio Shack, and the other big boys.
* Quality -- Since you do repair either onsite, one at a time, or at your home, you can give each customer's problem your full attention.
* Service -- You're a friendly and independent computer repair specialist!

I always got business that way. Undercutting the other guys was always a big help, too, but people appreciated having just a "regular guy" look at their problem, rather than taking it to some shyster in a big box store looking to make a fat service charge off of them.

Oh yeah. I'll be hitting every cork board around here with banners and flyers. I used to offer free technical support but that became far more than I could handle as it was consuming all my time and there was no money being made, so I phased that out. In it's place, I'm going to start free classes, once a week (probably for an hour), where I can teach people, particularly senior citizens, how to use the computer, surf the web, things like that. That way, I get my name out in the community and my business gets associated with "that nice man who taught me how to use the internet".

I'm currently working on finding about 10 laptops (used but functional), so I can take these down to our community center (who I have spoken with and are allowing me an hour of uninterrupted time every week) and let the folks use them so I can teach more effectively. Since yesterday, I contacted one of my friends whose father used to own an office furniture supply store. He's going to get the contact information of his clientele and we're going to work in that direction.

I'm crossing every appendage I have that this will work.

Volunteer work looks very good on a resume. It's definitely worthwhile to fill some of those "empty periods" with something like this. I hope it works out for you.

 

[Crusher Disciple]

Just think how many pages we'd have if the title was "Another girl kissed my girlfriend."

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Just think how many pages we'd have if the title was "Another girl kissed my girlfriend."

No doubt we'd have 20 pages demanding to see pictures, and virtual high-fives over how awesome Flux's girlfriend is.

 

[sidious618]

Yeah, I think it's a bit douchey to tear on someone for their job. Maybe there's a reason he hasn't achieved more, maybe not, but a job doesn't define who you are or your worth as a person.

Who cares? I'd trash on the guys job too. Oh woe, he wasn't given pampers as a child, only huggies. We should pay his way...

That has nothing to do with this thread at all. Nice job.

 

[TheBrew]

Do the grocery stores, churches, etc. in your area have bulletin boards for local businesses? If so, post up flyers selling your services on the following points:

* Price -- You are no doubt undercutting Geek Squad, Radio Shack, and the other big boys.
* Quality -- Since you do repair either onsite, one at a time, or at your home, you can give each customer's problem your full attention.
* Service -- You're a friendly and independent computer repair specialist!

I always got business that way. Undercutting the other guys was always a big help, too, but people appreciated having just a "regular guy" look at their problem, rather than taking it to some shyster in a big box store looking to make a fat service charge off of them.

Oh yeah. I'll be hitting every cork board around here with banners and flyers. I used to offer free technical support but that became far more than I could handle as it was consuming all my time and there was no money being made, so I phased that out. In it's place, I'm going to start free classes, once a week (probably for an hour), where I can teach people, particularly senior citizens, how to use the computer, surf the web, things like that. That way, I get my name out in the community and my business gets associated with "that nice man who taught me how to use the internet".

I'm currently working on finding about 10 laptops (used but functional), so I can take these down to our community center (who I have spoken with and are allowing me an hour of uninterrupted time every week) and let the folks use them so I can teach more effectively. Since yesterday, I contacted one of my friends whose father used to own an office furniture supply store. He's going to get the contact information of his clientele and we're going to work in that direction.

I'm crossing every appendage I have that this will work.

Volunteer work looks very good on a resume. It's definitely worthwhile to fill some of those "empty periods" with something like this. I hope it works out for you.

It works when you don't have an empty period. Even though I work full time, I'm looking to volunteer to set-up a small network for a non-profit. It's good experience.

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

Well, I have to disagree. To say that my act of simply informing her I was interested while she had a boyfriend is equal to kissing her while she has a boyfriend is like saying that a car company airing a TV commercial is exactly the same as a man from that car company physically forcing you to get behind the wheel and test drive their car.

Besides, my informing I was interested was purely secondary to my pleading that she get away from her ex. I was very clear that even if she had no interest in being with me, I would be happy if she at least got out of that terrible relationship. Of course her choosing to be with me in the end was preferable, but had she decided to stay single after dumping the guy, for whatever reason, I would have respected that choice and moved on.

This guy, however, has no such respect. He doesn't even wait to find out if she's interested and goes straight in for the proverbial kill. If anything, it is *because* the situations are somewhat similar that I am so upset by it...because I did wait until the appropriate time to finally become physical (i.e. when she was single, and I knew she was interested) This guy disregarded both of those key elements.

Geez, I hate to make it seem like I am picking on you but I hope you don't take it that way! I am just trying to help you see the situation for what it is.

While I agree that this guy went a step further with the kiss, it's still the same thing as what you did.

While she was in her previous relationship, instead of just doing what most friends would do and telling her 'you need to get out of this relationship, you're better than this', you also swooped right in and let her know that you had feelings for her. A friend who wants to simply save a friend from something bad doesn't say something like that unless they intend to get the girl/guy in the end (or at least try to). It's great that it got her out of the relationship but, at the same time, deep down, past the part of you that wanted to save her from an asshole, you wanted her. You wanted the relationship to end for both reasons (so she could leave the abusive relationship and so you could get a chance with her).

Though I don't approve of some guy just kissing a chick without her allowing it, he isn't your friend so I don't see why he would care if you are involved with her or not. He is basically just some guy you know who works with her. You knew that the other guy was involved with her but that didn't stop you from telling her what you felt for her. This guy's kiss was his way of telling her what he felt for her.

A kiss isn't really all that harmful, anyways (depending on the situation). Had he banged her like a drum, yeah, that would be totally different, but a kiss is nothing, unless she had either initiated it or had responded to it positively. She obviously didn't like it so it had no meaning and it probably lasted all of 1 second, if that, before she pushed him away. I'd rather have a guy try to kiss me than punch me in the face and try to rape me, which this guy could have easily done, but he didn't.

I know that you wanted to help her exit a bad time in her life but letting her know your feelings while she was still with someone definately had a purpose. You didn't say it for fun, you said it because you wanted to make sure that she had it inside her mind so that if she ever left this guy, she would remember you. As a friend, that really should't have been on your mind at all at that point and probably better left said after her relationship was over instead of saying it to try to push her out of the relationship. You should have let her know you cared as a friend instead of letting her know that you had open arms for her and wouldn't mind going further than just friends. A possible relationship with a woman who was getting beat up by a guy shouldn't have even been a thought. Her safety should have been 100% on your mind. It just seems a bit selfish to me that you went ahead when a girl was weak and vulnerable and made a move like that.

 

[sidious618]

I tend to agree with Kirk Tights but it also depends on how long he knew his current gf. Did he know her before the abusive bf and her got involved? 'cause then their relationship might have been simmering below the surface the whole time and would've come no matter what. If he met her when she already had the bf then I'm inclined to see it the way kirk tights does.

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

http://trekbbs.com/showthread.php?t=45398

Not sure if this is about the same woman we are talking about right now but, if it is, would this MySpace guy be the abusive one or was it a guy before? I am assuming it was a guy from before since you said that she wasn't serious with this MySpace guy but she was in a relationship with the abusive guy.

Just trying to figure out the timeline because sid is correct as well if that was the case. You also don't mention abuse in that thread so I am guessing this guy was one of the randoms that came after?

 

[Tiberius Jim]

Nope, that was a completely different girlfriend and situation.

 

[sidious618]

Just trying to figure out the timeline because sid is correct as well if that was the case.

Yeah, that unresolved sexual tension can suddenly blossom and BOOM. But that doesn't appear to have been the case.

 

[Guartho]

I just wanted to hijack this thread to brag that my wife of 4 years was engaged to someone else until she met me. That is all.

 

[sidious618]

I just wanted to hijack this thread to brag that my wife of 4 years was engaged to someone else until she met me. That is all.

You a playa'!

 

[Guartho]

I was captain classy right up until the last minute. I did let her kiss me before it was actually over though.

We met on a road trip with mutual friends. I knew I was very attracted to her so I deliberately kept my distance. In all the group photos and what-not you can see that I've placed myself on the opposite end of the group.

 

[Itisnotlogical]

Sooooo freaking far off topic... at least compared to the last time I checked.

 

[Guartho]

Topic seems to be when it is and is not OK to try to "steal" someone else's girlfriend to me.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Topic seems to be when it is and is not OK to try to "steal" someone else's girlfriend to me.

Well, that's easy! It's okay when you do it (general "you"), and not okay when anyone else does it to you.