Movie Caption Contest #129: Getting Emotional

[Rat Boy]

Better put down that Romulan ale, because it's time for another caption contest. First, as always, let's salute...

For demonstrating that the call of nature doesn't wait on one trying to save the day, our winner is...

Scotty: "Has that bastard Kirk saved the universe yet? I need to shit like a goat in a laxative factory."

For showing how hard it is to keep your days in the month of Tasmeen straight, our winner is...

"... ... .... .... ....It was Koval's birthday bash today, right?"

And finally, our "Where's Tal'Aura" Photoshop winner...

TAL'AURA: So much for our "primo" seats, with an unobstructed view.

Congratulations to the winners! This week, we find ourselves confronted with moments where our heroes let their feelings get the better of themselves and are left open to riffing of all kinds. First, Kirk tries some chiropractic moves on Spock. Second, Picard embraces his inner Jack Bauer, just not the inner Jack Bauer we thought he would. Have at:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Spock, either you tell me where you hid my Playboys or else Chapel will shove that probe right down your Vulcan ears."

Picard (weeping): "All right, all right. I'll let you drive the ship, just don't tell anyone about that little problem I have."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: Just kiss him already!

PICARD: And this was the family vacation to the nude beaches of Risa...

Troi makes a combadge chirp sound

TROI (disguising her voice): Troi to the bridge

Gotta go!!!!

 

[Candlelight]

I've had such an unbelievably busy few weeks I'm missing out on my favourite thread!

Kirk: "The truth Spock... I never liked McCoy... and I never will. I have never forgiven him... over the death of my toupee"
McCoy: "What-?"

Picard (weeping): "This... is the the plot line of the movie three films from now... dear god 'unsafe velocity'??? No wonder our fans are virgins"

 

[Brian]

McCOY (thinking): How the hell does he think anyone is fooled by that thing?

PICARD: How can you not be on Team Edward, Deanna? Just look at his dreamy eyes. He looks so.. so... SAAAAaaad!!!

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Thanks for the win!

Troi: "I can sense you're quite upset, Captain".
Picard: "I was going over my old family photo collection, counsellor."
Troi: "And?"
Picard: "Mr. Tummity the stuffed targ. For years, Robert had told me Emile Tranger took him during a yard sale. It took me weeks to get over it. Now I look again....Counsellor, you see this photo, taken a few days after Lucy's ninth birthday? You see his home-made costume? The stuffing he used? The bastard's murdered Mr. Tummity, counsellor. Mr Tummity!!! *sobs*"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Kirk: "Spock is dead, nurse. But could his murderous spirit have jumped to a new body, like that Jack the Ripper Guy?"

McCoy: *raises eyebrow and looks menacingly at Kirk*

Dramatic chord.

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: I Love You, Man.
Kirk: I love you too!
McCoy: Jim! He was about to tell us about the movie: I Love You, Man!

Sirtis: Why are you crying? They made you a new costume for this movie!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Hold on, Spock! Stay with us, man! You can't die! I don't know how I could ever go on without you!"
McCoy (thinking): "Why you lousy, two-timing..."

Picard: "To most people, it's just a comic strip. 'The funnies,' they call it! But...I understand the pain Jughead must be feeling!"

 

[Aragorn]

Picard: "Oh, for crying out loud, Deanna! Why didn't you tell me there were photos of your threesome with Worf and Riker in this album?"

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: I'm dying-
Kirk: No!
Spock: -of embarrassment wearing this ridiculous outfit.

Picard: You see, history is very important Counselor-
Troi: Captain, that's a cookbook.

 

[Candlelight]

Spock: "Captain... you're-"
Kirk: "A good friend?"
Spock: "-kneeling on my crotch"

Picard: "I'm hoping fans will remember this scene for my acting, but it'll probably be remembered for green sideboob"
Troi: "Wait, what?"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "You looked better, with the beard, Doctor."
McCoy: "Why you green blooded... Kneel on his crotch some more, Jim."

Troi: "Why so sad?"
Picard: "Someone went through all the pictures and photoshopped 'wallet model' guy where my fat balding brother used to be..."

 

[mirandafave]

Kirk: "Look Spock! There's gotta be a way. Somehow you've go to figure out a way to get me into the Abrams reboot universe franchise!"
McCoy: "Damn you Jim."
Spock: "No way in hell mate. I'm keeping this one to myself. Heck Quinto might leave and I'll have the part to myself again. I love this plan."

Troi: "Why so sad? Are you still upset about losing your sight?"
Picard: "I don't care what you say Troi! Braille pornography just isn't the same."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: Inner monologue as he cries, "Why won't she just leave me alone? All I want to do is wank it to the Orion slave girl pron."

Troi: "Captain, I'm sensing tremendous greif."

Kirk: "Foul demons that have befouled Spock's body, be gone!!! The power of my awesomeness compells you! The power of my awesomeness compells you! The power of my awesomeness compells you!"

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "I find smother the face with a pillow works better."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Show me on Doctor McCoy where V'GER touched your mind.

Troi: Show me on your brother's photo where Commander Riker touched you, captain.

 

[Candlelight]

Kirk: "THE WOMEN! Spock, the women! And why were you smiling?"

Picard: "...and now I'm the last of our line... no more Picards..."
Troi: "Impregnate me"
Picard: "Gone... all gone"
Troi: "Do me right now. On the table. Hell, do it on the photo album if it makes you feel better. Give me some Captain's Log."
Picard: "The family name... all but wiped out..."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock (muttering): I find this pajama party quite illogical. Illogical. Illogical.
McCoy: I told ya, Jim. Even Spock thinks our uniforms look like PJ's.

McCoy: He's dead, Jim. You grab his tricorder; I'll fetch his wallet.

And an homage:

Kirk: He's dead. Can't talk.
McCoy: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that Spock here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
Kirk: What's that?
McCoy: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

 

[Candlelight]

Kirk: "Spock... I'm so impressed... I never knew your penis had ten appendages"
Spock: "Those are my fingers"

Picard: "These photos Deanna... these photos were printed on film... there hasn't been film processing in 350 years! I had to break a dozen temporal directives to go back in time and get these processed..."
Troi: "So how were the photos even tak-"
Picard: "I'M GRIEVING BITCH"