Would you erase certain things in your memory

[ThankQ]

Yes I would probably be better off trying to learn how to reduce my guilt and raise my self-esteem, but you'd be surprised at how difficult that is.

I wouldn't be surprised at all.

But let's look at it this way: Which is harder? A few years of reprogramming, or a lifetime riddled with guilt?

Ah, a coward dies a thousand times, right? I'm better than I was, yet every now and then, I backslide. At such times, I just remember "that he who sets his hand to plow and looks back is not fit for the Kingdom." How can I be fit for the future that awaits me if I am dwelling on the past?

Good, sounds like you have some knowledge about what you're up against.

It takes forever. You don't "backslide". I probably fuck up at least one thing everyday. Just "Shit, don't do that again!" and move on. If you ever start beating up yourself, you just have to "catch it", that is, notice it. Become aware of it. AND THEN STOP. Right there, right then. If there's a lesson, take it, and move on. But I'm 100% aware that insulting myself is MORE likely to cause future fuckups.

 

[CommanderRaytas]

I'd rather not have watched Armageddon. The memory pains me to this day.

Oh, and Sin City, too. Yuck.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Never. To deliberately give up a memory is put oneself at a disadvantage.

My memories are most precious to me; including the bad ones... especially the bad ones

I agree with this. I would never give up a memory.

 

[Pingfah]

I've erased quite a lot of memories from my head, one way or another.

 

[CommanderRaytas]

Alcohol helps with that, too.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I think a famous quote from the Shat is in order:

You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with the wave of a magic wand. They're things we carry with us – the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away, I NEED my pain!

 

[ThankQ]

You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with the wave of a magic wand. They're things we carry with us – the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away, I NEED my pain!

The lessons we should carry with us. Not pain or guilt.

 

[Pingfah]

Alcohol helps with that, too.

That is what I was getting at

 

[Kestra]

I do agree that our experiences good and bad make up who we are as a person today. But unlike most of you, I don't think I really like who I am so the idea of that changing isn't as much of an issue.

Some of the negative or difficult things I have gone through have helped me understand other people better and increased my sense of empathy, which is generally a good thing. But there are some things I wish I didn't understand.

 

[sidious618]

No, I wouldn't erase anything.

 

[Kibbin]

I do agree that our experiences good and bad make up who we are as a person today. But unlike most of you, I don't think I really like who I am so the idea of that changing isn't as much of an issue.

Some of the negative or difficult things I have gone through have helped me understand other people better and increased my sense of empathy, which is generally a good thing. But there are some things I wish I didn't understand.

But who says the new you would be any better than this one?
Sounds like somebody needs to watch Tapestry again

 

[Kestra]

I do agree that our experiences good and bad make up who we are as a person today. But unlike most of you, I don't think I really like who I am so the idea of that changing isn't as much of an issue.

Some of the negative or difficult things I have gone through have helped me understand other people better and increased my sense of empathy, which is generally a good thing. But there are some things I wish I didn't understand.

But who says the new you would be any better than this one?
Sounds like somebody needs to watch Tapestry again

I wouldn't mind just a change, even if the overall value didn't increase. But you get a pass just for a Tapestry reference. I love knowing Trekkies!

 

[the Dagman]

I have.

I have what is called Dissociative Personality Disorder. And a result of that is that I have lost memory of most of my childhood. And a lot of what I retain isn't all that great. But it is all I have left. I can't afford to lose any more.

Luckily, I discovered Dungeons & Dragons and other role playing games in my teens. My therapist has said that having that outlet quite possibly saved me from developing multiple personalities in my adult years as some DPD people do, as the games satisfied that need for mental escape. As it is, I have had episodes where I lose conscious control of my actions where my body acts in survival mode while my mind is "riding in the back seat." Very much like a Jeckyl/Hyde or Banner/Hulk deal. I have been the victim attempted muggings twice in my adult life where I have been hit over the head in the attempt to knock me unconscious or worse. Both times I have left my attackers broken, bloody and unconscious themselves. "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." Only, I retain full memory of what happened when my mind is able to reassert control.

So, be careful what you wish for. A lot of times it carries more baggage than you're prepared to carry.

 

[Jadzia]

Do you have any stuff left from your childhood dagman? Like toys or school things? Or if you had a dog in your childhood, you might have kept his leash or one of his toys with all teeth marks and dried saliva on it. Things like that might help you to reconstruct your lost memories.

I know that my memories are important to me, and for a while now I've been gathering some of my old possessions together before they become lost or discarded. Every so often I'll look through this box and every item in there will trigger so many memories for me, and all those memories get refreshed.

I also have a book that I update sometimes with my long term memories in as much detail as I can recall them. I try to protect what I value.

 

[the Dagman]

Unfortunately, most of the items from my childhood are long gone. That comes from moving around 12 times in my first 11 years of life, coming from a broken home, and then moving another half a dozen times as an adult. I have been reconnecting with old friends from my early days in school over the last year. But that hasn't been all that much help as I was pretty nomadic and no one in school ever really "knew" me. I always hid what was happening behind a false happy-go-lucky facade as I was always the "new kid" and that made making friends easier. That's a big reason I value the true friends I have had so greatly and do all I can to keep them. I have even turned into something of a detective in learning to track down the ones I have lost touch with over the years. Most recently one who I lost touch with 25 years ago and found him even though he has been homeless for much of that time.

It's funny in an odd way though, the memories I do retain are very vivid and minutely detailed. I can remember exact quotes from people decades later. I remember trivia in much the same way. So much so that no one will play any trivia game with me anymore, as I generally win them. Yet, family members and childhood friends can bring up something they all swear happened to me and for me that memory is totally gone. Not all the memories. But there are huge gaps. I am told this is fairly common for people with DPD.