Need to vent, long read so don't click if you don't feel like it

[Kirk's_Tights]

I have no idea where that other thread went where I previously vented about this relationship of mine (someone else made that thread) but anyways, here we go again.

First off, in that other thread, I said 80% of the time, my common law moron and I were happy. I lied. I just didn't feel like admitting that this could possibly be a failure because I don't enjoy the thought of failing.


So today, he wakes up at 3PM, yet another waste of a day. He sits on the couch with me and starts to joke around with me, all things are dandy. Then, he lifts my shirt (not all the way, just enough to show my midriff) and I tell him not to do it in a friendly tone (it's just plain irritating to have someone acting like a 5 year old and lifting up your shirt when you're trying to sit on the couch and read some news). Apparently not understanding english, he lifts it again. I tell him again, don't do it. He gets all upset and starts blah blah blahing about how he hates living here, etc. and I say what the heck, I just told you not to lift my shirt, no need to get upset, so he starts calling me a 'stupid fucking slut' (which is ironic because he's the only man I have ever been with and he's the stupid asshole who decided last year to hop on to Craig's List and send two emails to two girls, one even had my name, but failed because I found his emails).

He then throws the usual hissy fit of calling me every name he can think of and generally talking down to me, and then goes and takes a shower.

Note that we had planned to go to the Canadian National Exhibition today.

Anyways, after he gets out of the shower, he gets dressed and starts getting his shoes on. I walk over and say 'so are we gonna go today or what?' and like a shy little baby, he mumbles 'no, I am going somewhere else'. I can barely hear him so I said what and he says 'no, I am going somewhere else' so I ask where he is going and he says 'I am going to my dad's, I will bring him to the CNE' and I tell him he is childish and I go sit back down on the couch and let him leave because I don't care (btw, I also have the pre-purchased tickets that aren't being sold anymore so if he ever did go, enjoy wasting like 2 hours of your time in line while I go and just walk right in).


I don't really understand how him going with his dad (I know him well enough to know he isn't really doing this, it's just the little game he plays) is suppose to hurt my feelings. It's grey and on and off rainy outside so walking outdoors isn't exactly the most pleasant thing right now.

Last night, a similar thing happened. We were sitting on the couch, both on our laptops, and I noticed from the corner of my eye that he kept looking over at me so I asked him why he keeps looking at me, yet again in a friendly tone, and he gets all pissed off while I stare in shock that he got upset over me simply asking why he keeps glancing over. I just got up, brushed my teeth and went to bed.


I don't understand why people have to act like such total assholes. I do the dishes, I do his laundry, I fold his laundry and clean out his drawers by re-folding everything so it's nice and neat for him, I clean around the apartment, I take care of all 4 of our pets, I feed myself, I go grocery shopping, I pay the rent BY MYSELF.....he cooks on occasion and walks around at work with a phone in his hand and sits at a desk practically all day chatting with his friends yet he always acts as if he's the hardest worker in the world.

He's also big at judging. Pink hair? OMG YOU'RE A PUNK. Gee, so sorry I am unique and enjoy throwing some 'not so normal' colours in my hair, which he knew I did before we even started dating. He also has this dumb thing where if it's from Wal-Mart, don't tell anyone its's from Wal-Mart. K, thanks, but while you pay $85 for jeans that have a stupid Tommy flag on it, I'll pay $20 for jeans that will outlast your $85 ones and tell everyone about it. He even gets mad if some random guy looks at me. It's always WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT GUY STARING AT???


There's more but whatever, I think I've taken enough of your time. I just can't believe how rotten and ungrateful a person is. Without getting TOO personal, his needs get met yet he still acts like an asshole when he should be shaping the hell up because he's no fucking champ.


If anyone else needs to vent about a relationship or whatever else, feel free to share with us. Makes you feel way better after.

 

[Amaris]

You're a sweet girl with a zest for life and happiness.
You deserve better. Much better. He'll drag you down if you continue.

J.

 

[Lindley]

Sounds like there's something he's not happy about, and he isn't willing to discuss it with you for whatever reason.

I guess you have to decide if the relationship is important enough to try to work past whatever the issue is.

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

Thank you

I know most people will say to just go find someone else but's hard when it's your first love and you've been together for 6 years.


I am more the type that if I have an issue about something, I want to talk about it to solve it. He's the type to call you every name in the book, get in his car and drive away. He doesn't ever believe he is wrong and doesn't like to be told he is wrong. He also gets upset in the blink of an eye. Most of the time, it's because of work. People complain to him a lot but that's what comes with being someone in charge. Just stop bringing that shit home.


I know he'll get pissed even more because I am not even going to bother calling him like I usually do and beg him to calm down and come home. I'm just getting sick of this baby crap. I have more in common with his friends than I do with him and he sometimes acts like he is into it because he probably feels left out that I can gab about things with other people that he doesn't enjoy.

Wherever he is right now, It's pissing rain outside while I am nice and dry inside.

Screw him, I'm going to sit back with a smile and play inFamous while he struggles outside in the rain.

 

[sidious618]

I know most people will say to just go find someone else but's hard when it's your first love and you've been together for 6 years.

It sure as hell is.

That said, you need to find someone else. You're not his wife, you're his servent. You pay all the rent (that's completely wrong) and do all the work around the house. He seems to think he can do whatever he wants with you and then discard you by leaving whenever he grows tired of you. The emails to meet with other women sends an even worse signal but I'm not going to go there yet.

I don't mean to sound nasty or harsh at all but you need to step back and look at what's going on here. Best of luck to you.

 

[Kail]

While it can be hard to end a long term relationship, this one sounds like it's pretty much over. He, and you are clearly not happy any more. Maybe you have just grown apart. Perhaps his acting like such a jerk is his way of getting you to end the relationship. Guys do stuff like that, if they don't have the balls to end it, they simply try to make you so miserable YOU will end it. It's hard, but it sounds like you'd both be happier apart. Just an opinion. Good luck!

 

[McCoy]

Indeed. If someone else told you a story like this, Kirk's_Tights, what would you say to them?

By the way, if he has a job why doesn't he help with rent?

 

[Gryffindorian]

KT, whatever situation you're going through right now, please take everything with a grain of salt. We're not a bunch of professionals here, and don't get easily swayed by what others might say. You are very well liked here by most people, especially the guys, who might try to take advantage of the situation and say negative things about your partner or your marriage. Good luck to you.

 

[tharpdevenport]

There's a difference between failure, and just making your life misirable. Dump him, KT.

Also, before you do it, might as well get some childish action yourself -- next time he hops in the shower, take all the towels and all his cloths to the car, and go shopping or something.

 

[Captain Ice]

By the way, if he has a job why doesn't he help with rent?

I find myself asking this same question.

Also, since he's not contributing to the rent, why isn't he doing the chores at home.

This should be a partnership, with each of you contributing pretty equally. However, you do everything while he does nothing. I honestly think it's time for you to evaluate whether or not you want to be doing this for the rest of your life because if you stay with him, that's what's likely to happen.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I agree with Lindley. Something seems to be bothering him. He sounds like he's being very childish. But we're only hearing one side of the story here. My original advice stands - take things with a grain of salt. You should seek some marriage counseling together.

 

[Kail]

KT, whatever situation you're going through right now, please take everything with a grain of salt. We're not a bunch of professionals here, and don't get easily swayed by what others might say. You are very well liked here by most people, especially the guys, who might try to take advantage of the situation and say negative things about your partner or your marriage. Good luck to you.

I'm a happily married guy. I'm sorry, but I think she deserves better.

 

[Gary Mitchell]

KT, whatever situation you're going through right now, please take everything with a grain of salt. We're not a bunch of professionals here, and don't get easily swayed by what others might say. You are very well liked here by most people, especially the guys, who might try to take advantage of the situation and say negative things about your partner or your marriage. Good luck to you.

I'm a happily married guy. I'm sorry, but I think she deserves better.

She does. I hate it when people get walked all over. Kirk's_Tights, maybe you should take off for a day or 2. He might just realize how much he needs you.

 

[Emher]

I know most people will say to just go find someone else but's hard when it's your first love and you've been together for 6 years.

I can really sympathize, since I recognize myself in this. I got together with the third girl I've ever loved, the first one I had a shot with. And in hindsight I should have know long before it did end that it wasn't a good relationship, at all. But I held out, I ignored things, explained things away to myself and so on since I thought "This is my chance. I'm not getting another one." Which even though I am down on myself a lot of the time, is of course stupid crap.

And if you want to be cold about it, let's put in these terms: you're obviously giving him more then he's giving you in return. Both emotionally and financially. And that's not a good equation. Says the guy who hates math.

Hope whatever you decide works out for you.



Oh and Drone. Yeah she's a great gal, but at least I am not the kind of scum that would give someone good advice to try and exploit it. Give us some credit.

 

[Rocketman]

There's a reason they call this kind of behaviour "acting like an old married couple."--bickering, little annoyances--they grow from familiarity. You start to provoke each other more because you know how far you can go with the other--and also to see if you can push past that.

 

[Gryffindorian]

KT, whatever situation you're going through right now, please take everything with a grain of salt. We're not a bunch of professionals here, and don't get easily swayed by what others might say. You are very well liked here by most people, especially the guys, who might try to take advantage of the situation and say negative things about your partner or your marriage. Good luck to you.

I'm a happily married guy. I'm sorry, but I think she deserves better.

And being a happily married guy makes you a professional expert on marriages? I'm sorry, too, but I don't buy that. I have friends and family members who are happily married, were unhappily married, and are happily divorced. Not all fights and petty bickerings lead to marital break-ups. But seriously, one can't go wrong with joint marriage counseling.

 

[Shaw]

You know, there are a ton of things I'll put up with. Character flaws exist in everyone (and people who are good at hiding them often have the worst).

That having been said, the only thing I won't stand for is not being loved. It doesn't matter how much I love someone else, I will not stay around anyone who I don't believe loves me (be it relationships or family, it is all the same).

There is no such thing as a good one-sided relationship. Even if the other person is sweet and kind, the absence of love has to be the deal breaker. Being loved by someone who loves you is the only reason for being in a relationship... it is the only type of relationship that makes a couple stronger than the sum of the two individuals involved.

KT, I'm sorry this was your first relationship. I was lucky enough to have had a loving first relationship for all but the last year and a half of it, and that experience let me know what was possible (and what to look for, and what to avoid).

The most important thing I've found is that love has to be voluntary. There is nothing in the world that will make someone love you... and even if there was, it would mean that they didn't really love you.

Love has to be an unconditional gift... and a relationship has to be an exchange of that gift from both parties involved.

Please... don't settle for less.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I know most people will say to just go find someone else but's hard when it's your first love and you've been together for 6 years.

I can really sympathize, since I recognize myself in this. I got together with the third girl I've ever loved, the first one I had a shot with. And in hindsight I should have know long before it did end that it wasn't a good relationship, at all. But I held out, I ignored things, explained things away to myself and so on since I thought "This is my chance. I'm not getting another one." Which even though I am down on myself a lot of the time, is of course stupid crap.

And if you want to be cold about it, let's put in these terms: you're obviously giving him more then he's giving you in return. Both emotionally and financially. And that's not a good equation. Says the guy who hates math.

Hope whatever you decide works out for you.



Oh and Drone. Yeah she's a great gal, but at least I am not the kind of scum that would give someone good advice to try and exploit it. Give us some credit.

I'm not necessarily saying KT should ignore everyone's post; just be cautious of what people say. Also, what people post on the Internet is but a small fraction of the whole picture. Marriage is something not to be taken lightly, and i'd rather not dispense any kind of pseudo-professional advice. The best advice in this scenario would be to leave it to some professional who knows a great deal about how to resolve these issues.

 

[miraclefan]

Why did you decide to stay with him to begin with?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Originally Posted by Kirk's_Tights
I know most people will say to just go find someone else but's hard when it's your first love and you've been together for 6 years.

It's not love -- never love if he calls you a "slut".