Are you a virgin?

[Jono]

so, I am curious. What do people think of those who are virgins b/c they have no interest in sex? if you met someone like this, would you find them weird?

Only if they didn't want to have sex with me.

 

[Gryffindorian]

so, I am curious. What do people think of those who are virgins b/c they have no interest in sex? if you met someone like this, would you find them weird? would you wonder if they are lying, in some kind of denial, or maybe are actually gay but dont want to admit it? would it make a difference if the person is male or female & what their age is?

Asexuality is rare, but not that rare.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexual

Actually, I consider asexuals rather lucky in that they don't appear to be driven by their hormones. Ageing has somewhat the same effect in reducing the sex drive -- I find it a blessed relief.

I almost forgot about this one. There are four categories in what we refer to as sexual orientation: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual. I guess asexuality is not that common and is almost opposite bisexuality.

 

[DiSiLLUSiON]

so, I am curious. What do people think of those who are virgins b/c they have no interest in sex? if you met someone like this, would you find them weird? would you wonder if they are lying, in some kind of denial, or maybe are actually gay but dont want to admit it? would it make a difference if the person is male or female & what their age is?

I wouldn't care unless I found that person interesting to have sex or a relationship with. However, it would strike me as something like "being not ready". Not everybody develops at the same time, and the physical drive to mate is biologically programmed and quite normal, so I do think they would "miss" something for some reason.

Some people actually have what they call "fuck buddies." No strings attached, whatsoever. I don't know why I said that; I just thought I'd throw that into the conversation.

Yup, I've had a few flings in my time, as well. You can't do everything with a single friend; that's why most people have multiple friends, after all. So why would people, if they are not yet ready for a serious relationship or haven't found one, be constrained by a single partner that has to be loved and sexually attractive and interesting for a relationship, all at the same time? Then, of course, you can also have a very open relationship, up to the point of partner swapping and/or having multiple partners for different reasons; one to have sex with, one to have a relationship with, etc. Not everybody is completely monogamous, nor does everybody need or want to be.

Actually, I consider asexuals rather lucky in that they don't appear to be driven by their hormones. Ageing has somewhat the same effect in reducing the sex drive -- I find it a blessed relief.

Doesn't that mean that true asexuals are "chemically castrated" by nature, since that, in a basic general sense, is akin to what chemical castration does; taking away your sex drive?

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

Actually, I consider asexuals rather lucky in that they don't appear to be driven by their hormones. Ageing has somewhat the same effect in reducing the sex drive -- I find it a blessed relief.

Doesn't that mean that true asexuals are "chemically castrated" by nature, since that, in a basic general sense, is akin to what chemical castration does; taking away your sex drive?

Possibly, it may have a genetic origin -- maybe a recessive gene. It's obviously not a factor that's going to get passed on very easily.

 

[Emher]

Some people actually have what they call "fuck buddies." No strings attached, whatsoever. I don't know why I said that; I just thought I'd throw that into the conversation.

Yeah, wish I had the social skills for that. Would work out pretty well for me at this point my life.

 

[Lindley]

Asexuality is rare, but not that rare.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexual

I suppose that might describe me, particularly the "hetero-romantic" subcategory. I've often thought that romance would be a lot easier to pursue if you could get the sexual tension out of the picture.

Which is not to say that if I was involved with someone and she wanted to sleep with me that I'd be against it. I simply wouldn't want that to be the motivating force behind the relationship.

As far as the FB thing goes, while that might be useful to de-mystify the whole thing with someone I trust (I could never use a prostitute), I rather doubt it would work for long and I'd be afraid what it would do to the preexisting friendship.

 

[Lonemagpie]

Being all married and everything, no.

 

[melancholymecha]

Going back to melancholymecha's comments, bro, you shouldn't worry about what other people might think of your virginity or lack of sexual interest for WHATEVER reason. Period. It's your life. Also, everyone is different and will always have an opinion, negative or positive, and that's just that, an opinion.

thanks and, Im a gal.

I wouldn't care unless I found that person interesting to have sex or a relationship with. However, it would strike me as something like "being not ready". Not everybody develops at the same time, and the physical drive to mate is biologically programmed and quite normal, so I do think they would "miss" something for some reason.

even if they're in their late 30's?

on that note, what if you all did meet someone youd like to be in a relationship with, would you prefer that you be told about their asexuality right away, & I mean like right after you ask them out the first time(Id assume yes). Also would you, maybe, consider dating them anyway, at least at the start, to see if they might possibly, well, change their minds?

 

[Gryffindorian]

Posted by melancholymecha:

thanks and, Im a gal.

Damn, I can never tell. Sorry for the gender confusion.

 

[melancholymecha]

thats ok, I really should change my username to something less gender neutral... someday.

 

[StarTrek1701]

No wonder so many on the internet hate Megan Fox.


And no, not a virgin.

 

[Squiggy]

Going back to melancholymecha's comments, bro, you shouldn't worry about what other people might think of your virginity or lack of sexual interest for WHATEVER reason. Period. It's your life. Also, everyone is different and will always have an opinion, negative or positive, and that's just that, an opinion.

thanks and, Im a gal.

​

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Going back to melancholymecha's comments, bro, you shouldn't worry about what other people might think of your virginity or lack of sexual interest for WHATEVER reason. Period. It's your life. Also, everyone is different and will always have an opinion, negative or positive, and that's just that, an opinion.

thanks and, Im a gal.

Wonders never cease! It's so hard to tell online unless somebody is really obvious.

I wouldn't care unless I found that person interesting to have sex or a relationship with. However, it would strike me as something like "being not ready". Not everybody develops at the same time, and the physical drive to mate is biologically programmed and quite normal, so I do think they would "miss" something for some reason.

even if they're in their late 30's?

on that note, what if you all did meet someone youd like to be in a relationship with, would you prefer that you be told about their asexuality right away, & I mean like right after you ask them out the first time(Id assume yes). Also would you, maybe, consider dating them anyway, at least at the start, to see if they might possibly, well, change their minds?

I actually had a girlfriend once who was asexual--she even tried to be as androgynous as possible. She was open to dating boys and girls because she didn't really have a sexual interest in them at all.

It didn't work out because she had some maturity issues to sort through. I enjoyed being with her and I don't know if I might have eventually turned her on to sex. Anything's possible. But that was a "nice to have" kind of thing, not really an essential.

I don't think you're weird for being asexual or anything. You can enjoy dating and have relationships without sex, it's just a different dynamic. I've had all kinds of relationships and they all have their benefits and pitfalls.

 

[melancholymecha]

Going back to melancholymecha's comments, bro, you shouldn't worry about what other people might think of your virginity or lack of sexual interest for WHATEVER reason. Period. It's your life. Also, everyone is different and will always have an opinion, negative or positive, and that's just that, an opinion.

thanks and, Im a gal.

I actually had a girlfriend once who was asexual--she even tried to be as androgynous as possible. She was open to dating boys and girls because she didn't really have a sexual interest in them at all.

It didn't work out because she had some maturity issues to sort through. I enjoyed being with her and I don't know if I might have eventually turned her on to sex. Anything's possible. But that was a "nice to have" kind of thing, not really an essential.

I don't think you're weird for being asexual or anything. You can enjoy dating and have relationships without sex, it's just a different dynamic. I've had all kinds of relationships and they all have their benefits and pitfalls.

thats interesting. I know other asexual people are out there, but actually meeting one IRL is another thing. I really wouldnt be interested in dating either though...just regular casual friendships, but b/c of my mental health issues(social anxiety & Asperger's)even that is hard for me.

 

[DiSiLLUSiON]

even if they're in their late 30's?

Well, age wouldn't really matter. On the other hand, it does seem unnatural. Not strange or anything, simply unnatural, as in we are programmed to procreate, after all. It's a source of great joy; I think there's a difference if someone cannot find joy in it then if someone simply has no drive to begin but, when doing it, can indeed find great joy in it.

I think a lot of misunderstandings stem from the fact that there are people out there who confuse their aversion for sex for being asexual, while those two concepts aren't really alike.

on that note, what if you all did meet someone youd like to be in a relationship with, would you prefer that you be told about their asexuality right away, & I mean like right after you ask them out the first time(Id assume yes). Also would you, maybe, consider dating them anyway, at least at the start, to see if they might possibly, well, change their minds?

Well, for my part, a relationship has multiple facets; I wouldn't be satisfied with someone who's only my buddy, as I wouldn't be satisfied as someone who's only my bedpartner; I need more then that in a relationship. It would not bother me if someone did not tell me straight out they're asexual; it would come up in conversation soon enough, anyway. I would still go out on a "date", but not to see if that person can change their minds or is relationship material. More like seeing if they can be a great non-sexual friend, to do buddy stuff with.

Being friends is a form of relationship, too. Just not someone you'd eventually marry and have kids with.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

Going back to melancholymecha's comments, bro, you shouldn't worry about what other people might think of your virginity or lack of sexual interest for WHATEVER reason. Period. It's your life. Also, everyone is different and will always have an opinion, negative or positive, and that's just that, an opinion.

thanks and, Im a gal.

​

At least we're lucky it's not your ass.

 

[NileQT87]

I'm resigned to the fact that I'm going to die an old maid with a house full of cats.

I'd become a nun, but I heard you had to be Catholic to do that.

Dammit.

 

[Aurian]

No, not one.

 

[Amaris]

I'm resigned to the fact that I'm going to die an old maid with a house full of cats.

I'd become a nun, but I heard you had to be Catholic to do that.

Dammit.

There's always a catch.


J.

 

[Sparky]

No, but i've been married for 10 years....might as well be one.