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CONFESSIONAL thread (ANONYMOUS so tell us the juicy stuff!)

This thread has also become an advice thread. People aren't just confessing anymore. See what you've done, Holdfast. :)

I work in mysterious ways...

It looks like Holdfast may have to take on the role of matchmaker next!

If only people would say WHO they were in love with rather than just saying "another BBS member" then I could do the matchmaking for them if they wanted!


If anyone wants to let me know who they're in love with and also gives permission to disclose that, should the object of their affection also mention them, then I'd be happy to act as matchmaker!


Obviously, if you went this route, you'd have to let me know your username so it wouldn't be anonymous. Promise I won't publish it though, nor reveal it to the object of your affections unless the other person also mentions you. Think of it as an Escrow Cupid Service... :lol:

Just to say, I've had a couple of people register names with me; no matches yet. This should be fun. Do join in if you have a secret crush. :lol:



OK, more anonymous confessions to tide you over:

I'm having some sexual issues. The issue is, I'm not sure if I'm physically attracted to my significant other anymore. We haven't had any sexual activity for a few months now, and we've only done it about 4 times in the last year. I just have no desire at all. However I also wonder if it could be due more to stress and depression. It has been a tough year and I am a lot more busy than I've ever been before, and I feel overwhelmed at times. But even when I do have time, like on a weekend, I have no sex drive. I feel so conflicted, should I just blame the stress or am I really not attracted to this person anymore? I love them very much and can't imagine my life without them, we are best friends. I just don't even want to think about sex.

I'm horribly worried about one of my best friends. He suffers from severe lack of self-motivation and its having a negative impact on his life. His career goals are similar to mine (digital video work, independent film, etc), but I always feel like I'm the one pushing the envelope forward and going to the next level and dragging him behind. He starts projects and never finishes them. The only time he does finish something is if I play a major role in it. I've purposely backed myself out of his projects and made sure he's holding the reins but the project then just ends up in perpetual oblivion. He has big ideas and is extremely talented but seems unable to push himself to do anything. Its just not his career either. He's almost 20 and has never driven a car yet alone pursued his driver's license or a means to transport himself. The only job he's ever had is doing event videography work for me and that's pocket change, not enough to survive on. He keeps talking about getting a job but he puts in maybe one app every couple of months. He's horribly overweight and always talks about loosing it but its always 'next month' or something other than now. His family has a history of heart disease and I'm worried what might happen if he doesn't lose the weight soon. I blame most of this on his parents who constantly put anything he tries to do down yet constantly get on his case to do something with his life. He can't win with them. The only support he has is from his friends and I'm starting to believe its not enough. I don't know what to do.


BBSers have some tricky problems, it seems.
 
#2, he's a grown adult. it's his problem, not your's. don't hold his hand. if he fucks his life up, let him. worry aobut your own.
 
Yeah gotta go with the crowd here, it's his friend how is supposed to not care? I mean sure there is such a thing as caring a bit too much, there have definetly been periods (this last spring being one of them) where I've gotten in a bit too deep with my friends and their problems, but if you care about someone it's hard to draw a line.

All I can say is beware that you don't go too far over that line and drag yourself down. It can and have happened.
Just to say, I've had a couple of people register names with me; no matches yet. This should be fun. Do join in if you have a secret crush. :lol:
Feel free to inform me if some lovely lady mentions me :lol:
 
I'm no Dr. Phil, but I can't help putting in my two cents for the two recent confessions above.

Confessor #1: It sounds as if you could both benefit from marriage (or joint) counseling. It's not uncommon for couples to undergo stress or some emotional problems from time to time, but when their sex life becomes affected, it can have such a negative impact on their relationship, thus compounding the issues even more. (It's like being overweight, and your blood pressure goes up, your blood sugar and cholesterol are affected, depending on your family history.) Maybe this is a passing thing, but you did mention depression, which is not to be taken lightly. Although sex is not the be-all and end-all of relationships, intimacy (physical or otherwise) is important to maintain in a relationship. I hope you both consider talking to a professional.

Confessor #2: It's normal to feel that way about your friends or family members. That's the point--you have every right to be concerned about them. I know it's not always easy, but it would be helpful if you told your friend exactly what you told us. If you could muster up enough courage to sit him down and have a close one-on-one talk with him and tell him how you feel, it would likely work to his advantage. There's always a chance he might get defensive or upset, but if you didn't care about his well-being, you wouldn't even make the effort, and you wouldn't be much of a friend to him. It's almost like enabling someone with an addiction problem. At 20, he's still very young. Would he be interested in going back to school or talking to a career counselor? Once you've done your part, it's up to him to take the necessary steps to improving his life.
 
^ All males and no females? Just a guess but I would wager I am right. :bolian:


And a little advice for number two... I hate to say this, and I know people will be surprised this is coming from me, but it might be time to let your friend fall. Sometimes the best thing to do for someone in this situation is to let them hit rock bottom. Once that happens, they tend to see things a little more clearly and are more willing to do things for themselves. People have to learn to be responsible for themselves and own their own lives, mistakes, triumphs and failures. That is a natural part of growing up. And it may be hard to face but sometimes you have to do what's best for them rather than what might be best for you.
 
^ All males and no females? Just a guess but I would wager I am right. :bolian:


And a little advice for number two... I hate to say this, and I know people will be surprised this is coming from me, but it might be time to let your friend fall. Sometimes the best thing to do for someone in this situation is to let them hit rock bottom. Once that happens, they tend to see things a little more clearly and are more willing to do things for themselves. People have to learn to be responsible for themselves and own their own lives, mistakes, triumphs and failures. That is a natural part of growing up. And it may be hard to face but sometimes you have to do what's best for them rather than what might be best for you.

Or they could hit rock bottom and stay in the bottom. I've seen it happen, too. Not everyone is resilient enough. Sometimes people need a little help, too, which can go a long way.
 
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