Priceless!!!!
Trista,
This is more than likely the strangest letter you'll ever receive and the strangest I've ever written that's for sure. Since you only knew me from online approximately 9 years ago but there is more than good enough reason to do this which I'll certainly get into.
Also I have a greater than average memory of all people so I always tend to remember long ago details and surprise everyone with it!
To make a long story short otherwise this letter would be far too long, we met in an AOL chat room back in March 2000 and occasionally chatted on that thing for about 3 months and then it ended. A couple of examples of discussions that took place is you telling me that you were into some athletic therapy or physiotherapy or something and one of the patients threw up on you one time, and there was another at the end of the school year and how you were upset that the senior year students were leaving and you may never see them again. That one prompted me to write up a 2-3 paragraph essay about how it's not as bad as it seems. And there are a number of others off the top of my head.
Anyway as to what I thought of you and talking with you is I always thought of you of more than a nice girl and always had nice conversations back and forth, and nothing bad of any kind. Which prompted me to be on my best behaviour when chatting on that thing whilst chatting with you, and got this feeling that if I did misbehave somehow you'd freak out or something and run off! And I actually liked that you brought out better in me even though this is within the confines of just writing.
After about over a month of chatting with you in my mind you were perceived as being special and became interested in wanting to consider you as an actual friend even though it was on that thing and make you a permanent contact, I got somewhat attached at the time. I felt awkward asking for that live so I emailed my request.
Then I got a response to it from you, not only were you all for it, but based on your response you seemed excited by the fact that I had even asked, and was more than pleased to be receptive to my request. Which only lead to me getting drawn in and attached even more.
This leads to one of our last conversations that I certainly haven't forgotten. One where you asked me a question, and the question was if I thought it was possible to fall in love on the internet, if you share photos and stuff, then you went on to say that you couldn't help the way you felt. This all implies that what you're asking happened to you and there was an earlier comment in the same conversation about getting butterflies in your stomache every time you spoke to me. I only had to put 2 and 2 together.
Of course our chatting days didn't last very long after that, I suspect because of that you chose to abandon our communication. You never told me that, but said something about your AIM not working properly, and when I appeared on an unused 2nd name then apparently your email wasn't working either. I suppose it would be awkward to admit to the real reason. That was the last time we spoke and it's because you didn't know it was me at first under this other name. I probably didn't make it easy for you trying to convince you not to go, but after that it seemed pointless trying. The thing is I originally requested that you become a permanent contact to begin with and faced with the prospect that you were going made me realize that even more, particularly the way it happened. And it's a shame that something that started off innocent and well intioned enough could wind up with a crappy outcome.
On a sidenote when you revealed that to me it came as a surprise because you never brought that up to me before and didn't think anything was out of the ordinary in our conversations at that point. Speaking of which my little cousin just happened to be sitting with me at the computer that day and read what you told me at the same time I was receiving it, so I kind of unexpectedly get put on the spot and get teased about it for the rest of the night! Of all the times she had to watch us talking it had to be that particular time. That is the one single thing about that crappy outcome that I actually find amusing! Then after you were gone soon afterward the whole thing just seemed to fade into the background, but wouldn't have forgotten about you since then though.
So that is my position and my side of the story as it pertains to chatting with you back then and what I thought of you and the positive influence you seemed to have to use as an example for future reference with other people and stuff. Now I shall get into the complexities of how you've become relevant since about 2 years ago.
From June 2000 - Mar 2007 time period you had faded into the background since then and hadn't really thought about it. But then suddenly you spontaneously and unexpectedly resurfaced in my head where the whole thing replayed and it kind of took off where it left off so to speak complete with an emotional reaction. Of course since this is based on a distant memory so that reaction would have been minor, but the intensity of the feeling isn't the defining factor, it's the type of feeling that I was suddenly exposed to that the thing which apparently hadn't been discovered before.
Now I can get into the complexities as to how did this happen. Simply put with trial and error relationships over time one better learns what works and what doesn't work for you. I would say I ended up with a string of errors and girls that ended up being written off, not to return to, or bother with anything similar whether it be the type of girl or the pretext to start one which has now been banned.
Eventually there comes a time when there are too many right offs and too many banned reasons for bothering with something that there comes a time when there really isn't any example of girl to think about. Unless.......................
There happened to be any past buried examples in my head that are not necessarily right offs, they would start resurfacing and the spotlight would end up on them, and if it is perceived that they conform to the recent and modern guidelines made up that would put the spotlight on them even more.
So there seems to be more of the right type of feeling involved here even though it was minor, and another thing I liked about it is that with you there was nothing forced, it developed naturally. Such as starting off with something small and it turning into something more on it's own by itself, and you being receptive to what I would like of you each step of the way and things like that. Unfortunately that had the consequence of an online friendship turning out a little too well. What you had said that had happened to you wouldn't have happened to me, I would have the safeguards of is something is known to be out of reach to begin with there would be a limit to how caught up I would be in it. That implies although there would have been a watered down reaction to you at the time, then that would mean if given the chance I would have felt more.
That may not be too far fetched, since at the time when you were gone it made me realize how much more I wanted to keep talking with you. And then there was the recent "resurfacing" of you with elements of it that felt "right". It is pretty sad that out of all people that I met that the only one left to think about in this context turned out to be you at the end of the day and when the dust settled. I guess you kind of caught up with me eventually. But that must mean what would truly catch my attention is obviously very rare and I would have to conclude it turned out that you happened to be the one that comes closest to measuring up so to speak. It is conceivable that if given the chance I could have felt a similar feeling that you said you had at the time.
Anyway I thought that I would share my take on you and our past conversations and the positive influence you have had on me as well as for research purposes, I'm more in touch with knowing what works better by having encountered you! Even though alot of it was delayed in realizing it.
But taking all of that out of the picture I would still say that it's worth trying to reconnect with you to try and be good friends even though it's still limited, and we would also be erasing what was once a crappy ending, that's the best part! That's one of the things I originally proposed in the first place, wanting to keep you then and not wanting you to go at the time. And if there's any possibility of getting back our original friendship as it was originally intended then I'm all for it!
As for whether what I'm typing is true........
Well the thing is I wouldn't be bothering to write this and send it to you in the first place if it weren't true!
Well referencing you started about 2 years ago but it wasn't until about a year ago that I came up with the idea of reaching you, but on the same day I just gave up since any and all online searches pulled up nothing. Then about a week ago it suddenly occured to me to look up a mailing address and perhaps mail something. Totally ironic that an online search produced nothing, and at the same time looking up a mailing address was found within 10 seconds of the idea coming into my head! And I also remember one time when I messaged you it wasn't you, they said "this is Duane", well it just so happens that there's a Duane attached to this address so that was a complete giveaway that this really is the right address to send it to, and can even be passed onto you if you're not there. That was too easy.
Anyway I'm kind of glad that this is the only way to reach you, a physical letter sent to you adds much more of a personal touch to it, and also shows that more effort and courage went into this as well as actually being serious about interested in wanting to get to talk again.
As for making the decision to go through with this, well for me it was a no brainer, because if I do nothing that will pretty much guarantee that nothing's going to happen. But at least by sending this I get to share my thoughts about you and our relations, and the positive effect you've had whether it be for research purposes or behavioural improvements!
I am totally mindful of course that it's possible that you could react negatively to this letter, but even so I still would have shared my thoughts, and maybe for research purposes with having talked to me, perhaps bringing this to light here would be useful to you as well. That would be fitting. And plus even if you didn't end up getting upset or angry with me for whatever reason, I imagine it probably wouldn't last very long anyway, and like I said it's better than doing nothing.
This of course is the only letter that I'll be mailing to you, I've said pretty much everything I have to say and it would be pointless to send any more mail if you didn't write back. I leave that option open to you if you want to.
Needless to say this has got to be one of the creepiest and sweetest letters written of all time!!! This is by far the craziest idea I've ever come up with, and you just can't make this stuff up! Anyway hope to hear from you soon, even if it's just to give me a tongue lashing! And come to think of it this is the longest letter I've ever written!
Respectfully,
Mark D
