*TAS* Caption Contest 009: Name That Toon

[Maurice]

As is the new norm, this first post will be the winners, and the second post will contain the captionable images for this week, making it easier for y'all to punch QUOTE and have at it.

So, without further ado...

Wow, this was a TOUGH week to pick winners. I always start by using multi-quote to flag all the ones I like, then narrow down this winners. My first pass had 24 nominees, of which 1 in 8 would make the cut. I DO NOT look at the names until I've made my picks, and sometimes I go, "awww, not him again!"

Speaking of "him again"s, first up is ever-reliable Shatmandu. Even *I* wasn't expecting this one, although it seems inevitable in retrospect. Touché Shatmandu!

Orion: "Thanks for selling me these drugs, Scotty."

Usually, a long caption means a weak joke that's trying too had, but this week Mistral bucked the trend with a paragraph length winner, and once-and-for-all answers what really happened to Shatner.

​

During the production of TAS, Shatner became convinced there was a mysterious women whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Unable to convince his castmates, he became desperate and blew his brains out. The producers quickly replaced him with a cardboard advertising cut-out and a tape recorder. It went on to star in six films and eventually won an Emmy for Boston Legal.

Finally, first-time winner Herkimer Jitty explains why Kirk must "taste the rainbow!" Congrats HJ!

Shatner learned never again to insult Levar Burton. For the power of the Reading Rainbow is both wonderful, and terrible to behold.

SPECIAL PHOTOSHOP AWARD
​

Goes to Bad Atom for a very special caption that shows us all what "this is an Orion brain on drugs" looks like. "Any questions?"

"Gee, I don't know... my parents always told me drugs were bad."

​

THEY WERE RIGHT

And let's not forget the...

***** Honorable Mentions of the Week *****
​

Two for each image, and, holy crap, three outta six are cooleddie74. How does he do that?!

First, we feel the Orion Captain's pain, we really do...

​

No matter what I do I do, I still sound like Jimmy Doohan! The only answer is to end it all with this home-made cyanide!

Second, Next, just SEE what Shatner's delivery drives men to!

Orion: Right - I've had enough! If you don't pronounce "Orion" properly I'll detonate this small but devastatingly powerful explosive capsule!!

KIRK:"Command."
WOMAN: "Responsibility."
KIRK:"Duty."
WOMAN:"Obsession."
TOGETHER:"Calvin Klingon."

"Last time on THE TREK AND THE RESTLESS..."

Oh, if only you'd typed "The Young and the Trekless"!

Getting into Asgard was harder than Kirk thought.

Thor agrees! And speaking of cartoon characters...

James Kirk was impervious to almost any threat...except the favored weaponry of the Care Bears.

*TAS* Caption Contest Pantheon of Winners

Bad Atom
Cakes488
Captain Crow
cooleddie74 (x3)
middyseafort (x3)
The Laughing Vulcan (x2)
Mistral (x2)
Mysterion (x2)
Outpost4
Rat Boy (x2)
Shatmandu (x3)
Super Grover
TigerOfDarkness

Honorable Mentions
Alrik
cooleddie74 (x7)
John Picard
The Laughing Vulcan (x2)
Mistral
Mysterion
Nerys Myk
Rat Boy
Shatmandu (x2)
Super Grover
TigerOfDarkness (x2)

And next message: our new contest!

​

 

[Maurice]

PAY ATTENTION!!! SPECIAL RULES THIS WEEK!
​

This week I'm gonna do something different. In addition to picking winners for individual captions, imagine the three images this week are frame grabs from the First, Second, and Third Acts of the SAME EPISODE, and MAKE UP A TITLE for this hypothetical animated epic.

Grand prize (worth TWO wins) goes to whoever comes up with the best one!


Act I (Setting Up the Problem)

ACT II (Complicating the Problem)

ACT III (Resolving the Problem)

I wait with bated breath...

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Uhura: "I didn't know that the Vulcan second penis was detachable."
Spock: "We do not discuss it with outsiders."
Sulu: "What worries me is the gamma ray flux it passed through. Could it mutate or something?"
Spock: "That only happens in comic books Lieutenant. Concentrate on your flying."

Sulu: "Oh my!"

Kirk: "Apparently, Sulu died with a..." snerk "...smile on his face."

Spock: "I can sense you smirking, Captain."

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "I frigging hate this cordless mouse. <bangs it on table>"

Preliminary sketches show a cut character, planned to be Kirk's love interest in The Animated Series, named Yeoman Shiela Bigass.

Kirk: "You high-yellow Vulcans! You're worse than Puerto Ricans!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Yo, yo, gotta do this space flyin' shit. I'll holla back at you later."

Scotty: "Borgas frat! Stupid inflatable Enterprise decoy!"

Spock: "Fascinating."

Kirk: "I told you Vegas was great."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Science Officer's log, stardate 5618.9: Lieutenants Uhura and Sulu and I are on route on the orders of Captain Kirk to investigate the Titan, a space-bound humaniod that is 102-stories tall. It is capable of surviving in deep space without any protection. All attempts to make contact with the creature have been unsuccessful. Mr. Sulu is now try--

Sulu: Mr. Spock, look! Why hellooooo, mister!

(Credits roll -- Space... the final frontier...)

Episode Title: "Mr. Sulu, Size Queen of Space!"

Sulu: I've made contact with the Titian, Mr. Spock. Yummmmm....
Spock: When I said to reach the head, Mr. Sulu, this is not what I meant.

Kirk: So you're saying that--hee, hee--Mr. Sulu now has a poop shoot that's several football fields in length!
Spock: Four-point-five, to be exact.

(Music crescendos. Cut to EXT. Starship Enterprise as it flies into deep space... end credits.)

 

[cooleddie74]

SULU:"Hey, how come we never get shuttles THIS damn cool looking when we're live-action?"

UHURA:"Stop asking, Hikaru...or else Spock will give us both the gas!!"

Best redshirt death ever?

Trying to save R2 from the Dagobah swamp monster.

KIRK:"Sorry. That...that was me."

SPOCK:"I was wondering why I smelled cabbage."

 

[cooleddie74]

SPOCK:"Your comically oversized pocket stopwatch is now repaired, Mister Sulu."

 

[Mysterion]

A Child's Star Trek Primer

First the crew goes to discover this week's plot. As usual, Spock is the only one actually doing anything while Sulu just drives and Uhura....ummmm, well she just seems to be standing there.

Once the Enterprise gets to the planet of the week something terrible happens to a red-shirt.

Then, despite the horrible tragedy of a few minutes ago, Kirk ends the episode by making a lame and vaguely racist joke about Spock.

The End.

 

[cooleddie74]

UHURA:"We there yet, Sulu?

Mister Spock has finished the last drop from his whiskey flask and now he's back there staring at and making sexual passes at it."

 

[Alpha_Geek]

Act I (Setting Up the Problem)

Spock: Kzinti don't exist, Mr Sulu. They are from a work of fiction. Maintain course for Vaginus 7.

Sulu: Aye, sir. Maintaining course.



ACT II (Complicating the Problem)

Spock: Mfff! Trapped under alien pseudopod! Must...escape...toxic slime!


ACT III (Resolving the Problem)

Kirk: Mr Spock, I've read your report. I believe you need to reword the references to "alien pseudopod" Weren't you aware that I was on the planet and....working with...the Vaginal priestess?

Spock: My apologies captain. I'll revise the report.

Kirk: Just replace the work "alien" with "captains'" and it'll be accurate enough, Spock.

McCoy: Jim, I need to see you in sickbay...

Sulu: (mutters) I need to see...

 

[Hambone]

UHURA: Sulu, can you explain why Spock's uniform pants are blue? Are those his pajama bottoms, or what?

SULU: Can't talk. Driving.

SPOCK: Indeed, Lieutenant, and fascinating as well, these are not, in fact, my pants. Furthermore, these are not my legs. My own were crushed beneath the Snot-Monster we encountered on Regula 3. I exchanged them for these. They originally belonged to Geotechnician Fisher...and believe me when I say, and logically to the point, he shall not be needing them again.

SPOCK: See, there they are now.

KIRK: (*snicker*) Spock, are those...pajama bottoms?

SPOCK: ...sigh...

(TROMBONE SOUND) Wahh-wahh!

 

[cooleddie74]

SULU:"ETA to Filmation Studios...

34 minutes, sir."

Interspecies erotica in the 23rd century went FAAAAAAAAAR beyond the simple, quaint origins of the Donkey Show.

KIRK:"You didn't know what a Donkey Show was?"

(*Snickers*)

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Just admit it."
Spock: "Vulcans do not fart."
Kirk: "What, you have an inner-anus no one knows about?"

 

[cooleddie74]

"I'm not hammy, Spock.

I'm just drawn that way."

 

[cooleddie74]

The ride at the newest Star Trek Experience attraction was disappointingly quiet that day.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "*snicker* He got suspended for getting treated for erectile dysfunction?"

Spock: "You're one to talk, Captain Flaccid."

 

[Captain Crow]

Don Adams as James T. Kirk in "Star Trek: Missed it by That Much!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK:I told you the TrekBBSers viewing this thread were a funny looking lot.

SPOCK: Some of them should really wear pants.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Worst Webcam site ever.