TOS Caption Contest Scrimage #1

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

Since our friend Outpost4 is delayed, how's about we hold a Caption Contest Scrimage of sorts? It's like pre-season football for fart jokes.

When Outpost4 returns, he can judge the current contest and we'll be off to the races.

Here are the two scrimage shots:

Shouldn't be too hard.

Have at thee.

Joe, substitute your coke for gin

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Two-ply! TWO-PLY!!"

Spock: "Oh, look, Winky and Spitty: someone has come to visit us!"
Spock, in high-pitched voice: "Oh boy! It's our friend!"
Spock, in a different high-pitched voice: "Hi, friend!"
Kirk: "That's the most disturbing thing I've ever seen."

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock didn't care where he was or who was there when he masterbated.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Quit pouting, you're still not getting a pony for your birthday.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock, clearly upset: "The note on the door said, 'DO NOT ENTER: TAKING A SHIT.' What did you think that meant?"

 

[Maurice]

SPOCK: You MUST pay the rent!
CHAPEL: But I can't pay the rent!

KIRK: What is it, Spock?
SPOCK: LOLcats.com made fun of my haircut. <sniff>

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "I saw the tapes of you and Charlie X. No wonder the poor bastard was confused."

Kirk: "Well, being on Twitter does make you a douchebag. Scotty was right to tease you. Do you think anyone gives a shit what you got at Grignak's coffee shop?"

 

[Gary7]

Spock: "I don't care what the Captain said to you. Don't ever say anything about size to me ever again. Is that clear??"

Kirk: "I'm sorry, Spock. Honestly, I was only joking. I had no idea that it was true... that Vulcans are 'lesser' endowed than humans."
Spock: "Look at it. Just look at it. All this better-than-human strength and it's hampered by this ridiculous appendage. It's just not fair!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk: Spock put that thing away!

Spock: No I don't think so.

Spock became obsessed with computer porn

Shouting Spock: I'd let it air out first before
I go in there if I where you.

Spock: Spock need wo-man!

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Just give Chapel back the underwear. Hell, she'll probably treasure them."

Kirk: "I don't care what the 20th Century Boy Scout manual said, that's a terrible way to start a fire ..."

Spock: "My heated toilet seat is a cultural thing. OFF-LIMITS."

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk: Spock I know you're proud of it but, please stop showing your "welcome aboard" dick tattoo to everybody.

Spock, dejected: Yes captain.

Kirk: Nurse Chapel do you mind if I have a word with Spock alone?

Chapel, muffled from under desk: I'm almost finished.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "How much porno can you fit in a teraquad, anyway?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "THE WOMAN!"

Kirk: "Spock, you might want to cut back a little. I don't know how it works with Vulcans, but humans go blind from doing that too long."

 

[Tan Ru]

A quiet, fervent prayer; something always welcome before Kirk makes another rash, arbitrary decision.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CARL: For the last time! I aint got no openings, all positions have been filled!

 

[Rat Boy]

Carl Spock: "Little help? My 'fro's stuck in the door."

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk: Poor bastard fell asleep watching the extended version of Star Trek 1.

Carl Spock: Dey ain't no way you can handlez da all mighty "Carl Rod" bitch.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Franks and Beans?
SPOCK: Indeed, please call Dr. M'Benga. (winces) Tell him to hurry.

CARL: Weren't you here yesterday with dark hair?

 

[Alrik]

CARL: "Now you struttin' it mama. Shoulders back a lil more. Make dem girls stand proud."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Carl Spock: Where's my money? Is Carl Spock gonna have ta choke a bitch?!