Caption Contest 25: lurking, smirking, captain kirking

[pookha]

Thanks for the win. I believe it's my first here, although I was a bit embarrassed to use that caption.

Archer: "That baby gazelle? The next day I tracked it down, shot the little fucker, and had gazelle steaks for dinner. And I'd do it again."

I will hunt you across the end of the earth 4th bro.
and smite thee with thy own hockey stick.

commander tucker,
now is not the time for playing pan and the nymph.
.
,
,
,
wait until the rest of the crew has returned to the ship.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TRIP: You're a cop?!!!!

 

[Triskelion]

Lurker, first time poster, hopefully I don't break any rules about posting too many captions in one post. Enjoy!

T'Pol accidentally stumbled upon Trip's stash of Maxim magazines. And couldn't help but stare at the scantily clad women on the covers.

"Must...not...ogle...Trip's...underwear...Must...stay...calm..."

"Why is there a blinking light in this box?"
Unfortunately, T'Pol opened Reed's secret weapons cache and activated the self destruct sequence.

"Must find a place to hide my secret snapshots of the men in decon. Especially those of Lieutenant Stinky."

As T'Pol looked into the mirror, she wasn't happy that her wig was falling off. If the human crew found out that she was actually bald they wouldn't stop talking about it until Enterprise blew up.

Unfortunately, Trip failed Sneaking and Hiding 101 at the Academy. T'Pol had to remind him that ducking behind any cover was also a step in the hiding process.

T'Pol: The danger is over, Commander.
Trip: *shaking* Mal...Mal's gone mad! He's stalking the corridors! SAVE US T'POL! SAVE US FROM THE DEMOLITION MAN!

Trip decided that the best place to hide from the Borg would be the hydroponics bay. Reluctantly, T'Pol had to agree.

Trip: "How did you know I was here?"
T'Pol: "I can see your hair over the bushes."

T'Pol wasn't too happy that she was called into the hydroponics bay only to find out that Hoshi and Mayweather had set up Trip and her on a date. As she scowled she was devising ways to make the Ensigns wish they had never crossed T'Pol of Vulcan.

Unbeknownst to the other crewmembers, Archer had VIP access to everybody's restrooms.

Secretly, Archer loved watching the sexual escapades of the crew. Especially when it came to Trip and Mal.

"Dang it, I'm gonna regret waking up tomorrow with these stitches in my side and this hangover. Might as well live it up."

"I can't help but watch this show that Trip called 'Quantum Leap'. The main character looks like ME. AHAHAHA. Steward! MORE ALCOHOL."

"Good lord, Malcolm fell for the flaming bag of poo prank...wait till Trip hears about this. This is the BEST April Fools Day EVER!"

Archer thought he was having the last laugh as he watched T'Pol get executed, but unfortunately, he didn't know that Sato had poisoned his drink, Major Reed had rigged the door to kill him when it opened, and Tucker was about to short out his console.

MajorReed, keep 'em coming! And welcome! I don't know if we should read these separately or as a fractured story, both seem to work!
Steward, more alcohol!

 

[Triskelion]

"Lolcats." Amusing.

Trip: Well?
T'Pol: Well what?
Trip: I showed you mine. Your turn.
T'Pol: Idiot. <walks away>

Wow that <insert meme> tastes like <insert crewman>'s <insert body part>!
(sorry, am I just getting lazy?)

 

[Alrik]

"You's guys heard me right, seeee. I'm gunna rub ya out, seeee.

 

[Shatmandu]

Reed, behind curtain: "I'd like to show you some infinite diversity in infinite combinations, you dirty little minx ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Phlox: "You do know that's Porthos' urine sample, right?"

 

[cooleddie74]

"EPIC...FAIL?

I do not understand."

TRIP:"Dammit, T'Pol...all you had to do was ASK POLITELY.

I'd have given it to ya with no strings attached!"

"Tell Chef this is the best Berry Explosion Flavor-Aid I've ever had...my mouth is going to look like I'm in drag, but it's worth it!"

 

[cooleddie74]

"Si.

Senor Archer...he NO understand us."

 

[T'Boggan]

T'Pol " Captain, why am I in this cabinet without my pants on, and what are all the holes for?"

T'Pol "Vulcan Greenfly are somewhat more sturdy than their Earth Equivelant"

"American pie? no, Ive never seen that movie...eewww!"

 

[cooleddie74]

"According to the Starfleet cultural database...my bangs are often considered 'dyke-ish.' "

TRIP:"What...here? NOW?!?

I didn't even bring the K-Y with me!"

"Sobriety can kiss my pasty white ass.

Here's to another night crying in bed and wetting myself!"

 

[LeadHead]

T'Pol: No, YOU WILL DO THE GARDENING!

Archer is usualy very diplomatic, but he just couldn't stomach it when Reed made English food.

 

[Nerys Myk]

T'Pol " Captain, why am I in this cabinet without my pants on, and what are all the holes for?"

ARCHER: It puts the lotion on the skin.

 

[MajorReed]

Trip: "OH YEAH!" *fart*
T'Pol: *trying not to vomit* I would seriously advise you not to eat any more of Chef's burritos.

After lighting his farts up on a dare, Archer was feeling the sting.

 

[Mistral]

"I can't wait to see their faces when they realize I super-glued a fly to the transporter pad!"

 

[cooleddie74]

T'POL:"Quick...pick your fresh lettuce leaves so we can get back to the ship.

Chef will have your burgers ready in less than 15 minutes."

"Nothing says 'A MISSION WELL DONE' like good friends...a stiff drink...and a game of Hide the Salami.

Anyone in?"

 

[cooleddie74]

T'Pol kept trying to find a good online site that sold products to fix her hair.

It took two whole years.

 

[apenpaap]

T'Pol: "You move at your peril, for I have two phasers here. I know one of them isn't loaded any more, but the other one is, so it certainly wouldn't be worth your while risking it because I'm a very good shot. I practice every day...well, not absolutely every day, but most days in the week...I expect I must practice, oh, at least four or five times a week at least...at least four or five, only some weekends...like last weekend, there really wasn't the time, so that moved the average down a bit...but I should say it's definitely a solid four days' practice a week...at least. I mean...I reckon I could hit that tree over there...the one just behind that hillock...not the big hillock, the little hillock on the left. You see the three trees, the third from the left and back a bit - that one - I reckon I clould hit that four times out of five...on a good day. Say with this wind...say, say, seven times out of ten..."
Trip: "What, that tree there?"
T'Pol:" Which one?"
Trip: " The big beech with the sort of bare branch coming out of the top left."
T'Pol: " No, no, no, not that one."
Hoshi (Behind the bush): "No, no, he means the one over there. Look, you see that one."
Trip: "yes."
Hoshi: " Well now, go two along to the right, just near that little bush."
Trip: "Ah! The elm!"
T'Pol:" No, that's not an elm. An elm's got sort of great clumps of leaves like that. That's either a beech or a...er...hornbeam."
Trip: " A hornbeam?"
T'Pol: " Oh, no not a hornbeam, What's the tree that has a leaf with sort of regular veins coming out and the veins go all the way out to the serrated edges."
Trip: "A willow."
T'Pol: "That's right, a willow."
Trip: " That's nothing like a willow."
T'Pol:" Well it doesn't matter, anyway! I can hit it seven times out of ten, that's the point!"
Trip: "Never a willow..."
T'Pol:" Shut up! This is a hold-up, not a botany lesson"

 

[cooleddie74]

T'POL:"Illogical, Commander.

We Vulcans do not...'toke the roach.'"

"...and then A.G. realized the hooker wasn't breathing anymore, and had to arrange a frantic emergency beamout of the body before Commodore Forrest showed up for his morning meetings.

Good times."

 

[Mistral]

"The phasers in my sombrero will take you all out!"