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Pitch terrible ideas for episodes

A Head of the Pack (TNG Season 5)

After a heavy night of drinking, O'Brien wakes up in Engineering with his head stuck in a computer terminal. All the crew comes down to Engineering and everyone takes turns in trying to pull him out, but to no avail. While stuck he regales everybody with stories from his past which are shown in flashbacks. We learn all sorts of sordid details from his past, such as the time he worked as a stripper in order to pay for his college education. These flashbacks lead O'Brien to realise that he has a drinking problem.

In the final act O'Brien sobers up and sees something unusual about the circuitry in the panel. He realises that the Romulans rigged the ship to explode with an ionic subspace device, and using a gravimetric hydro-spanner placed in his mouth he manages to defuse the bomb and save the ship. Then Picard takes his turn at pulling O'Brien out of the panel and he manages to succeed.

At the end of the episode the crew goes to Ten Forward to celebrate and people keep buying O'Brien drinks for saving their lives. The final shot of the episode takes place the next morning when O'Brien wakes up with his head once again stuck in the computer panel. O'Brien shouts "Bollocks!"

The End.
 
Since, there are hundreds of threads and I haven't read them all; so forgive me if I repeat anyone's idea.

ENT
The child Sarek is a passenger with his Vulcan parents on Enterprise. He bedevils the Enterprise crew by being an insufferable, imperious, know-it-all brat. He goes too far by telling Trip Tucker that he is dismissed from the bridge. Tucker gives the lad a spanking. Sarek's parents are appalled because the boy has had one tear run down his face. Young Sarek insists that it is only ONE tear. T'Pol is intrigued and asks Tucker more about spanking.
 
Tune in, turn on, and cash in TNG
After a Ferengi archeologist is killed, Picard investigates and discovers that the Ferengi as descended from the 'Space Hippies' in TOS.

Kill them! Kill them now!

A cryogenic chamber from the 20 century is found by and the corpsicles are reaninmated: Pee Wee Herman, Mr. Bean, Arnold Horshack and Fat Bastard. . . . if you want to make it a good episode . . . . they're found by Kligons who beat them to death.
 
One more Romulan Ale...

This stoner ( one of the hippies from TOS) finds a Romulan party ship on a planet and finds a lot of Romulan Ale. He proceedes to steal all the ale and takes off in pursuit of an adventure. He runs into the BORG and hides in a empty keg of the Rom Ale, and from what he can see the BORG are thking BORG/BONG hits, they all pass out and he gets out of the Keg and steals the weed and the Ale and takes off to wherever. He finds this party planet and meets up with this Betazet named Deanna, who is looking for a party, he tells her that he has all these good drugs and she wants to join him in his party ship.

Eventually they run into the Q who steals all his drugs and Deanna as well, this gets him really mad and he enlists the help of Gerodi and Worf to help him find the Q and get his drugs and the girl back. They find the Q and use Geordies Vison to disable Q, and they they get away and then find a Dyson Sphere headed for M-31 (The Andromata Galaxy) so the final scene finds our druggie hero, Deanna, Worf and Geordi in the Dyson Sphere headed for the the next Galaxy with a bunch of Drugs and many Kegs of Romulan Ale and Blood Wine, roll credits....:)
 
TOS: "Homeward" -- The Enterprise is assigned to pick up Spock's human half-brother who is currently doing a scientific study of a doomed pre-warp society. Spock's brother secretly desires to save a small population from their certain deaths... only to discover that Kirk has already begun beaming up every man, woman, and child that can fit on the Enterprise. Everyone lives happily ever after, and the good captain teaches several tribeswomen how to "press lips".

TNG: "The Imperfect Mate" -- LaForge dates an Empathic Metamorph. He's just not her type, though.

DS9: "Julius Quod Quark Coito Non Verus Meretricis" -- An episode with a title that has that much pretentious sounding Latin must be pretty profound!

ENT: "Intruder Alert" -- Archer becomes suspicious when a mysterious new crewmember shows up for his birthday party, claiming to have been his trusted friend and helmsman for the past four years.
 
ENT: "Leaping Around"-Archer finds himself jumping into the conscious of various crewmembers of his ship, including Porthos. Discovered to be a plot by an alien of the week he performs various actions that eventually lead him back to his own self. Special guest star: Dean Stockwell as "Cy", Archers alien guide through his jumps.
 
TOS: "For My Throat Is Raspy and My Shouts Can Fry"

After passing through a Time Knot, the Enterprise accidentally causes all Vulcans to become 10 years younger. SUDDENLY, ALL ACROSS THE FEDERATION, VULCAN'S START YELLING THEIR FUCKING HEADS OFF. THE SHIT GETS REALLY CRAZY WHEN ALL THE SHOUTING, CONCENTRATED TOGETHER, STARTS MELTING PEOPLE'S HEADS OFF. SO THEN, IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO ATONE FOR HIS DEADLY SHOUTING, SPOCK IS ABLE TO USE THE TRANSPORTER TO BRING THREE ALTERNATE VERSIONS OF HIMSELF ABOARD: MIRROR SPOCK, SPOQ, AND CARL SPOCK. WORKING TOGETHER, THEY DECIDE THE ONLY WAY TO RESTORE CIVILIZATION TO ORDER IS TO GO BACK IN TIME AND CHANGE THINGS. SO THEY USE THE GUARDIAN OF FOREVER TO GO BACK AND WARN KIRK, BUT HE THROWS THEM IN THE BRIG FOR BEING IMPOSTORS. LUCKILY, THEY ARE ABLE TO ESCAPE AND SABOTAGE THE SHIP'S SUPPLY OF TACOS. CAPTAIN KIRK IS ABOUT TO ORDER THE COURSE CHANGE THAT RESULTS IN THEM GOING THROUGH THE TIME KNOT, WHEN SUDDENLY, HE FEELS A MAJOR DIARRHEA SHIT COMING ON. So, he orders a course change to the Starbase, and since the Enterprise never passed through the Time Knot, all of Vulcanity is no longer a dangerous shouty plague, and the state of the Federation has been restored.
 
Someone on here mentioned the mitchell bros from eastenders being woken from stasis and headbutting klingons, ill go with that
 
GodBen said:
A Head of the Pack (TNG Season 5)

After a heavy night of drinking, O'Brien wakes up in Engineering with his head stuck in a computer terminal. All the crew comes down to Engineering and everyone takes turns in trying to pull him out, but to no avail. While stuck he regales everybody with stories from his past which are shown in flashbacks. We learn all sorts of sordid details from his past, such as the time he worked as a stripper in order to pay for his college education. These flashbacks lead O'Brien to realise that he has a drinking problem.

In the final act O'Brien sobers up and sees something unusual about the circuitry in the panel. He realises that the Romulans rigged the ship to explode with an ionic subspace device, and using a gravimetric hydro-spanner placed in his mouth he manages to defuse the bomb and save the ship. Then Picard takes his turn at pulling O'Brien out of the panel and he manages to succeed.

At the end of the episode the crew goes to Ten Forward to celebrate and people keep buying O'Brien drinks for saving their lives. The final shot of the episode takes place the next morning when O'Brien wakes up with his head once again stuck in the computer panel. O'Brien shouts "Bollocks!"

The End.
Click to expand...

I think I'd actually watch that one :shifty:
 
Voyager season 1

It turns out that Neelix, though he appears tame and such, is actually a serial killer. He begins to slowly kill off the crew one by one. Tuvok, tries to figure out who it is. Once the 8th crew member is dead. Janeway confines everyone to their quarters besides Tuvok and herself, They run the ship ok for 3 months, but then neelix escapes wounds Tuvok and battles to the death with Janeway. Janeway, transports him to the middle of a star, and it turns out that that neelix was a changling and the real neelix was sedated in the mess hall.

They ride off into the sunset.
 
Forbin said:
"30 Seconds Over Quark's" (DS9)
The holosuite suffers a breakdown and traps O'Brien and Bashir in their Battle of Britain scenario. Little do they know that a Jem'Hadar spy had been hiding in an inspection panel, and has now assumed the persona of an ace Nazi fighter pilot...
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I would watch the hell out of this episode.
 
"The *uck Stops Here"



The ship is badly damaged by something and sends out a distress call. Helpful aliens radio back "try that repair station over there"



Upon arrival the station demands holo-images of the crew engaging in various sexual acts as payment. The crew discovers that the more obscene the acts the more “credit” they get. Tired, exhausted and with a newly upgraded and overhauled ship, the captain orders the station utterly destroyed before it can transmit the holograms. Right afterwards the ship is attacked by two Ferengi Marauders, the Ferengi are enraged by the loss of their “Sagittarian Ultra-Porn Studio." Combat ensues, the ship is damaged again and this time the captain wisely decides to wait for help.
 
Enterprise: We've Just Stopped Trying

Q shows up and takes Archer and crew on a tour through the Galaxy, introducing them to The Dominion, The Kazon, Ocampa, Cardassians, and Tribbles. None of this is logged and no one speaks of it again.
 
Holy Starship! TOS

The Enterprise is thrown back in time. Kirk, Spock, McCoy and ensign Red-shirt beam down to gotham City where Ensign Red-shirt is put in a giant slushie by Mr. Freeze.
Crossover with the Adam West Batman series.
 
"Kryptology" (ENT) Vulcans all over known space begin glowing in the dark. The crew discovers that Vulcans have glowing green blood now because Future Guy went back in to Vulcan's distant past and turned them all into "meteor freaks". This resulted in them inadvertantly wiping out the inhabitants of a planet, Krypton, when they tried to make first contact with them, which later deprived Earth of the greatest hero of its 20th century. Crewman Daniels helps them solve the problem by bringing them forward to Future Guy's time, so they can sneak in and erase the plans to do this from his computer before he can do it. Then Daniels sends them back, but they are simultaneously hit by a weapon from Future Guy's lab, which adds power to the trip and sends them back to 1980s Earth, crashing toward the planet. Fortunately, they are saved by Superman, who has been restored to the timeline, and pushes them really really fast around Earth until they are back in their own time, and then goes back to his own time.

"Love Is A Battlefield" (TOS) After Spock makes some upgrades to the ship's computer, they have an encounter with a Klingon battlecruiser at the Neutral Zone. They successfully manage to convince the Klingons to withdraw, but then they follow them across the Zone, out of their own control, and without control of communications. The Klingons flee, faster and faster, without explanation. When asked, the ship's computer reveals it has fallen in love with the main computer aboard the Klingon ship. Turns out, it is also transmitting love poetry to the Klingons. Once the Klingons rendezvous with two other battlecruisers, they turn on the Enterprise. The crew convinces the ship's computer that she has been jilted for the computer aboard one of the other Klingon ships, and she blows the crap out of all of them, using manuevers too fast for the Klingons to respond to or get any sort of communication out before it is too late. Spock then miraculously remembers they could have just switched to manual, and they go home.

"Riker's Bad Day" (TNG) Riker has a beer and cheats on Troi, but of course, cannot hide it from the empath. The majority of the episode is a tour of the Alpha Quadrant, demonstrating the origin of all of the different ways Troi kicks his ass.

"Writer Guy's Revenge" (DS9) It turns out that the Cardassians did not fully own the station when they turned it over to Bajor - it was financed by an offworld banking consortium based in Alpha Centauri. A representative of the Centauri Consortium, played by J. Michael Straczynski, contacts Sisko, saying that he is coming to repossess the station. The crew attempts to change major and minor aspects of the station, and claim it is a completely different station that they own when he arrives. He isn't fooled, but is amused by their attempt, and his report to the Consortium writes the station off as a loss.

"Are You There, God? It's Me, Naomi." (VOY) While the two of them are stranded on an away mission gone wrong, Naomi Wildman has her menarche, and B'Elanna mistakenly thinks the best way to help her deal with it is to put her through the same Klingon ritual her mother put her through when she dealt with hers. Very mistakenly. Hilarity ensues.
 
Voyager: Statutory

It turns out that the Ocampa age of concent is actually 10. Neelix has some 'splainin to do as the crew of Dateline:Talaxia shows up. In the B plot, Janeway acts alarmingly more and more like Hitler, including wearing a false mustache. It turns out that an overload of, let's say positrons, and the Doctor fixes both plots at the end somehow.
 
Star Trek
TOS

A pure bottle episode.

Kirk and McCoy are trapped in the turbolift. As the crew struggles to rescue the two, a fire starts in the turboshaft, and is burning towards them. With time running out, Spock orders Scotty to beam them out of the Turbolift...and it is tricky because they don't do much beaming inside of the ship, and the fire is spewing radiation that may interfere with the transporter signal...with just seconds left Kirk/McCoy are beamed out as flames engulf the Turboshaft...

Rob
 
DS9: More Tribbilations, Trials, and Troubles

The crew of the Defiant gets sent back in time to the 23rd century again, this time to the timeframe of the episode, More Tribbles More Trouble from the animated series. The entire episode is done in Filmation animation style.
 
Semah said:
DS9: More Tribbilations, Trials, and Troubles

The crew of the Defiant gets sent back in time to the 23rd century again, this time to the timeframe of the episode, More Tribbles More Trouble from the animated series. The entire episode is done in Filmation animation style.
Click to expand...

Ummmm..I like that!!

Rob
 
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