This has been my worst year since 1991. Possibly worst year ever.
The dog, who I bonded with in the last couple of years, and showed me nothing but unconditional love, got very sick and had to be put down,. He couldn't stand anymore, was fouling himself, and you could see in his eyes he was upset about it. Broke my heart when my wife took him to the vet without waiting for me.
My mum's illness turned bad, and I managed to spend her last couple of weeks with her. She forgave me, said it wasn't really an issue, but I look inside, think back to that thoughtless bastard I was in my teens and 20s and curse that person I was every day. He so fucked up my life, it's a struggle every day. So someone else who loved me unconditionally wwas gone. Everyone else's love, not so unconditional.
I also found out, to my intense dismay, that my brother and sister suffer big time from the 'middle child syndrome' thing. They were extremely envious of the relationship I had with her, to the point of disliking me, when I always saw us as the Four Musketeers. My younger sister understands, because she got it as the baby of the family, another favourite. It hurt a hell of a lot.
And when I came home, my wife and kids expressed profound disinterest in what had happened, and how I felt. My relationship with them hit an all time low. It's since come back a bit, but I'm wary of opening up to them, and only trust them so far. That too hurt a hell of a lot.
Then, just as the bills are getting organised, all FOUR of our cars cark it in a 3-4 week period. What the hell's that about? I mean, they aren't expensive cars or anything, but what are the chances? Fortunately some money came in to tide oiver 2 of them.
As a writer I'm trying to prepare stuff to submit to people, move on with my life. It all dried up. Writer's block. Completely lost focus.
A woman I went to school with got in touch with me. This was, I admit, my first big crush from all those years ago. And it meant I had to join Facebook to do so. We exchanged emails for a while, it was cool. Then she vanished. No idea why. And I'm stuck with Facebook.
Aaaaand finally, my boss tells me yesterday I'm being made redundant. Again, a small silver lining - he's in effect keeping me on 'til the second week of January, giving me time to find something else. Sent out 10 resumes in the last 24 hours.
And then there's... here. Misc is a nice place to visit, it's usually farily relaxed in here, but I have seen some tension lately. TNZ is just shitful, there's a poster in there I detest because of vile things he's posted and there's so much stupidity and attention whoring it has ceased being fun.
And I kid you not, up in the STXI thread, a poster said "Because the Enterprise is being built on the ground, they have ripped the heart out of Star Trek". And proceeded to defend his position for the next 10 pages.
So I NEVER want to see a year like 2008 again. It has beat the absolute shit outta me. So much so that, like
J Allen in TNZ, I'm going to break for a little while, take a little sabbatical. I'm tired of hanging around being a miserable prick - I want to go and find my happy again, be nicer and funnier, instead of getting shitty at silly posts
I'll stick around 'til after the Dr Who Xmas special, then come back the week before Star Trek opens, just for the meltdowns
. In the meantime I have the writing projects to get back on the rails, find a new job, try and mend fences with the family, both of them... or not. It's tough.
So, as I say at this time of year, may your blessings be many and your problems few, and may you get all you want this year and in the days to come. To 2009 being a better year.
