TOS Caption Contest #117 - Feet Don't Phallus Now
- Thread starter Outpost4
- Start date
Wallace: "I found this outside of Lift 7. I asked Sulu and Spock what it was but they were........evasive."
Very good! I've been trying to figure out how to write this joke for a day and never could get it down.
Yeah. Of COURSE I want the seat. But tell Governor Blagojevich that a half a million is just to damn much.
McCoy: It's been three centuries since 9/11 and this is the best design New York City can come up with for the World Trade Center site?
Kirk: I'm sorry, Kor, but it's $25 for an autograph, or $50 for me to sign a picture like this.
Spock: Quick, let's hide in this lift. It's Christine with more soup.
Kirk: "So let me get this straight... it says here you are the candidate of change yet you didn't know that your friend B'lagojevich was selling favors, your other friend Tony R'esko is the worst kind of Ferengi, your Boreth monastery leader Wright was a racist - how about a game of Fizzbin?"
"So... it was your husband who discovered this... Crayola-band radiation?"
"Well, I... um... I told him about it, yes."
"... Making fun of the Military Governor's sash. Number 9:... "
"Tonight's Top 10 List from the Home Headquarters on planet Qo'noS...
THE TEN THINGS MOST LIKELY TO GET YOU EXECUTED BY FIRING SQUAD!
Number 10..."
Putting the Military Governor in a sombrero."... Making fun of the Military Governor's sash. Number 9:... "
"Tonight's Top 10 List from the Home Headquarters on planet Qo'noS...
THE TEN THINGS MOST LIKELY TO GET YOU EXECUTED BY FIRING SQUAD!
Number 10..."
Number 8:...
Putting the Military Governor in a sombrero."... Making fun of the Military Governor's sash. Number 9:... "
"Tonight's Top 10 List from the Home Headquarters on planet Qo'noS...
THE TEN THINGS MOST LIKELY TO GET YOU EXECUTED BY FIRING SQUAD!
Number 10..."
Number 8:...
Responding to the Military Governer's Imperative with "By your command"...
... Number 7...
Wallace: "It didn't fall out of myyyy pantleg. Maybe it fell out of yours."
Kirk, reading: "'Edict #52B: Klingon Commander shall be lathered, softly scrubbed, and rinsed in warmed rainwater by nubile, pre-pubescent males on a daily basis.'"
Kor: "It's a man's life in the Klingon Army, Baroner."
McCoy: Well I borrowed it from a high priest from Viagarus XV for the weekend.
Wallace: You don't look good, doctor.
McCoy: Best damned transplant of my life.
Wallace: The priest is going to notice the aluminum foil is empty.
McCoy: What? Coming, Captain.
Wallace: I didn't hear anything.
Responding to the Military Governer's Imperative with "By your command"...
... Number 7...
Reminding him of that time on Rura Penthe with Kang and Koloth...
...Number 6...
Harlan Ellison's original script called for five minutes of awkward silence.
WALLACE:"I must say, Doctor...
that is the BIGGEST kielbasa I have ever seen in my life.
Outside a Risan pleasure resort, that is."
SHATNER:"'Go climb a tree?'
THAT'S my line? A futuristic space captain is confronted by a deadly adversary...and THAT is what he says?
Where's my 'Go Fuck Yourself with a Comet' suggestion, Gene?
Gene?"
SPOCK:"Do not ask."
SULU:"Don't tell."
TRULY TASTELESS KLINGON JOKES
A classic and redundant gut-busting standby on any occupied world
Ask the Military Governor, "What happened, your ridges rub off kissing Klingon ass?"Putting the Military Governor in a sombrero.
Number 8:...
Responding to the Military Governer's Imperative with "By your command"...
... Number 7...
Reminding him of that time on Rura Penthe with Kang and Koloth...
...Number 6...
....Number 5...
Having your second-in-command try to kill you and almost succeed...then find out his disruptor was just a child's toy!
....Number 4...
Wallace: "Mr. Scott said it was a Rigelian haggis, and that he would love to see me take a big mouthful of it."
