TOS Caption Contest #117 - Feet Don't Phallus Now

[Shatmandu]

Kor: "Our people have read through every TOS caption contest."
Kirk: "Jeez."
Kor: "Yes. This page, along with the stack of pages on the desk, is a list of things those miserable bastards have had you say, or do, or sniff."
Kirk begins reading, then: "Well, here right off they're wrong: I never cornholed that Gorn ..."

 

[Triskelion]

- Four pounds of Scotch Rump Steak? I'm a doctor, not a butcher.
- Ok, just the salami then.
- That'll be five bucks.

- Aberdeen Angus Beef Striploin? Veal shank and oxtails? Chieftan Haggis in natural casing? Blood pudding? We can only do Haggis bung in a synthetic casing. This is deep space after all.
- Fine, Kirk, fine.
- Kirk to Bones....

- Let it go, Leonard. Meat jokes - I've heard 'em all.
- But "Helmsman medallion off the loin" and a "boneless turkey breast" -
- Mr Scott goes too far, I know. Come on. Let's go smoke some trout.

 

[Shatmandu]

Wallace: "Okay, but don't mess up my hair."

 

[cooleddie74]

KOR:"Don't be too offended, Baroner.

We Klingons usually require civic leaders and representatives on occupied worlds to toss the military commander's salad at least once."

"Sorry, Doctor. I celebrate Festivus."

 

[cooleddie74]

"Doctor, that is the WORST Festivus pole I've ever seen in my entire life. At this rate, Starfleet might as well cancel all multifaith celebrations in the month of December."

Love means never having to admit to the ship's doctor you have the Space Clap.

 

[Maurice]

BONES: So you turn on the heating element like this...

<POP!>
BONES: Voila!
WALLACE: And it took just a Jiffy!
BALOK PUPPET (O.C.): YOU NOW HAVE 10 EARTH SHOPPING DAYS TO GET YOUR JIFFY POP CHRISTMAS TREE!

 

[cooleddie74]

"Doctor, you might be the most talented ship's surgeon in all of Starfleet but you sure as HELL don't know how to water and grow a Chia Penis."

 

[cooleddie74]

SULU:"Ignore them!

All that matters is our hot, plush velour love!!"

 

[Rat Boy]

This year's Festivus pole wasn't all that impressive.

 

[gomtuu20]

"No Doctor, I do NOT see how my sitting on this thing is going to help you feel younger."

 

[gomtuu20]

"Now let me get this straight. This think reflects your moods. Why is it rising up? And why are you staring at my breasts?"

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "One of my ancestors got this trophy after being runner-up for the Heisman."

 

[Outpost4]

McCoy: It's called the Commodore's Trophey and is awarded to the most obnoxious dick on this ship. Most years, it usually goes to Spock or me.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: It's called the Commodore's Trophey and is awarded to the most obnoxious dick on this ship. Most years, it usually goes to Spock or me.

McCoy: "...but for some reason it went to Sulu this year."

 

[cooleddie74]

McCOY:"Well?!

Are you gonna sit on it or NOT, Miss Wallace?

I'm old and gettin' older...I'll be dead any minute now, you know!!"

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"Impossible.

Neither I nor my first officer will EVER participate in a revision of OH CALCUTTA! where only the male lead is nude. You can throw this away now, Commander!"

 

[Gertch]

2 seconds before image
Spock: "Man I love Asian - "
...
Spock: "... women."
Sulu: "Awkward."
Spock: "Indeed."

 

[Outpost4]

Wallace: But, Doctor, if I tried to...play "games" with that...I'd certainly choke.
McCoy: You're a Green Bay Packer?

 

[Turbo]

Sulu: But...what is it, Mr. Spock?
Spock: That would be a hole in the space-time continuum caused by the Jaguars' completely illogical victory.

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock, the Baltimore fan: "How? How could the refs call that?"

Sulu, the Seattle fan: "I feel your pain."