TOS Caption Contest #117 - Feet Don't Phallus Now

[tharpdevenport]

Girl: "Honey, when I said 'Use this pill to get that thing up', I was refering too..."

Kirk: "Sorry, I wasn't aware Mr. Sulu put himself on the menu. And I think I got an idea of what the side dish of 'Secret Sauce' is."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Wallace: Doctor, the Captain is prepped for his prostate exam.
Bones: Good. Good. The insertion scanner is wrapped in foil and ready.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WALLACE: And if you will allow me to demonstrate. One push of a button and

Instant Christmas tree

MCCOY:Thanks, but I think we're going with a real tree this year.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: I'm sorry but we don't use paper in the 23rd Century.
Kor: By whose calendar?

 

[Nerys Myk]

KOR: Do you have any nude drawings of your wife?

KIRK: No

KOR: Would you like to see some?

 

[M'Sharak]

"[*snorts*] This an old list?"
"I don't think so. Why do you ask?"
"Merlot?"
"Merlot. I don't follow."
"Are you kidding me? Nobody wants Merlot any more! Didn't you get the memo?!"
"I, uhm... I didn't pay my dues on time. I'm a little behind on the news."

 

[Outpost4]

Kor: They are designs for my spring show of leisure wear for the busy woman. Chartreuse is back.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kor: "Well, I write on big paper because I ... <reaches, puts hand on Kirk's> have a big pen."

Wallace: "But when you sat down earlier, I noticed you are Jewish ..."

 

[Outpost4]

Kor: It's the Qo'noS Gazette. "All the news that's fit to bleed."

 

[Outpost4]

Wallace: The captain gave me herpes for Christmas.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kor: "It's the sign of a true warrior! Like it says there, Kahless himself had a paunch."
Kirk: "Yuh-huh."

 

[scottydog]

Kirk: "This is a wallet-sized picture of your baby?"

Kor: "The mother is Oprah Winfrey."

Kirk: "Oh."

 

[cooleddie74]

Cindy Brady grew up fast after her censored cameo on an episode of STAR TREK ghostwritten by Roman Polanski.

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"Happy...Festivus?

'A donation has been made in your name to...The Warrior Fund.


'Money for Soldiers.'


I'm NOT even asking...but thanks anyways."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: So these are the Caption Contest winners? Long list.

KOR: Four thousand throats may be cut in one night by a running man.

KIRK: Then we'd better get started.

 

[Outpost4]

Kor: At least they only have us commenting on orders from Qo'noS.
Kirk: Yes, no Vomit, Grignak or Balok puppet. And, thankfully, no assless chaps.
Kor: Speak for yourself, earthling.

 

[Quagmire58]

Bones: I'm just a old country doctor, have Scotty replace your AA batteries.

Kor: I'm getting tired of these time travel stories, and why does this John Hancock guy write so big anyway?

Sulu: Yes I know he called you pointy ears, but at least he didn't make fun of your eyes.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Kirk, reading the paper: "Here ye! Here ye! Your presance at the Ol' Forum Square is no longer required; you have been permabanethed."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Mechanical rice picker????

SULU: Chinese?????

 

[tharpdevenport]

Nemoy: "I'M NOT SPOCK!"
Takei: "There, there."
Nemoy: "You here me? I'm not Spcok!"
Takei: "It's okay, it's okay! My, what broad shoulders you have."
Nemoy: "I'm not! I'm ... what now?"