Wallace: Doctor, this makes my mouth tingly.
TOS Caption Contest #117 - Feet Don't Phallus Now
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Wallace: Doctor, this makes my mouth tingly.
"Make yourself useful, Miss Wallace.
Take this thing here and find a creative way to use it. Make a dying old man with a dirty mind happy before he croaks!"
KIRK:"You're taking chimichongas and honey baked beans off the menus?
You are monsters."
SPOCK:"Not here, Hikaru.
The Captain might notice."
SULU:"That's why joining in was invented, you scrumptious piece of green angel food cake."
WALLACE:"Can we stop with the pretense, Doctor?
I know you want me. Jim knows you want me. Even this aluminum foil-covered dildo here knows you want me, and IT'S not even alive!"
KIRK:"You have got to be joking.
There's no way I can go out and get a grocery list THIS long by dinnertime tonight. And why do we even need industrial caulking and flatulence pills?!"
"Dammit, Miss Wallace!!!
This is NOT the right way to reheat a Polish sausage!!
Take it back...try again!!"
KOR:"It's the new Imperial Proclamation. Here. Take the whole stack. Hand them out."
KIRK:"In other words, you don't want to throw them in the trash yourself."
Kirk: "It's called a "time share" you say."
Kor: "That's right. Just sign on the dotted line and the trip to Risa and the Orion Slave girl are yours. Absolutely free."
Lift 7 was the Studio 54 of the 23rd century. Complete with booze, drugs and gay Asians.
Bones: "Blast it woman. Don't let it touch your fillings!"
Wallace: Doctor, this makes my mouth tingly.
Apologies to those who mouths are now hurting.
Wallace: "So this is the object that the band Steely Dan was named after?"
McCoy: "Well according to the history tapes yes, wanna try it?"
In an era of outrageous band names, they chose 'Steely Dan' from the steam-powered dildo in William Burroughs' novel "The Naked Lunch".
Kor: "Baltar? Who the Fuck is this Baltar I resemble?"
Spock: "Who Goes there?"
Sulu: "That was a close one!"
Wallace: "I was just wondering if you could explain it to me one more time."
McCoy: "This is the last time I'm going to demonstrate fellatio for you."
Kor: "Accede to our demands or that will be transmitted to the Federation Council."
Kirk: "Me and Spock, sharing a bath, obviously a photoshop."
Sulu: "Captain, I'm frightened."
Spock: "It will be okay yeoman."
Kirk: offscreen: "Alright, alright, very funny. Now will you two clowns cut it out and get back to work."
Sulu: "Will you look at my legs?"
WALLACE:"Let me get this straight...the science labs on this starship can solve some of the most baffling medical mysteries known to the Federation...
But nobody here can figure out what the %$@# this thing is?!"
KIRK:"E Pleb Kahless?!
Look...if you're not going to take this occupation seriously...I'm outta here."
SPOCK:"Do you think Dr. Piper noticed anything?"
SULU:"Who cares? He's next on my list of dream corridor snogs."
"Tonight's Top 10 List from the Home Headquarters on planet Qo'noS...
THE TEN THINGS MOST LIKELY TO GET YOU EXECUTED BY FIRING SQUAD!
Number 10..."
McCoy: Dammit, Wallace! I said to cover this thing with a flavored condom, not Reynolds wrap! I'm a porn director--not the cafeteria lunch lady!!
Shatner: Why does Colicos get so much dialogue in this scene? He has....
one...two....THREE more lines than me!! Fuck all of you--I'm outta here!
SPOCK: .....It is called Pon far......
Sulu: Then call me lucky, you pointy-eared Adonis!!