Real life vs fantasy

[ria 75]

How do you like your romance?

Absentees easily seem perfect, whether they be totally unreal or a partner in a long-distance relationship - and everything in between, like online only long-distance sweethearts.

It's hard to confront those dreams with reality. Do you prefer your love interest real? How do you reconcile the usual fantasy with real life? How does one let real life win? It's so much more trouble...

 

[Timofnine]

I prefer mine real, in person. Long distance could be a doer if love was there and we both really wanted it to work and in the end we would both be together. Cyber love with a complete stranger though, not for me and totally don't understand it - it's a fantasy version. Maybe you can feel close to someone chatting for hours on end and confuse it for real love, but love it aint. Maybe it could be if the involved parties actually met one day though.

Chatting and falling in love with someone over MSN or the like just seems weird to me for various reasons. The main reason being that it's inpersonal, it's too easy to chat to someone and put on an act. Most peoples online personas are totally different to their 'real selves'. You are not falling in love with the person, but with an 'avatar' of that person, a fantasy. Maybe it's just easier for some people to fall in love online as it removes the awkwardness of doing it in real life social situations - some people find that type of thing hard.

Sex is another issue. There is no such thing as cyber sex. It's masturbation with commentary. Not for me.

I'm not saying fantasy online relationships can't eventually work, I read stories in newspapers all the time about how 'Thor the merciless' and 'Sandrine the peach fairy' met in an online game, get married in their virtual worlds and eventually move across the real world to live with each other and have peachy kids... it makes for some quirky reading and never fails to put a smile on my face. Sweet.

 

[An Officer]

Adorable topic!

I like my real life romances to be as close to classic Mills & Boon as possible...

I have a weakness for dashing, tall, dark, handsome, heroes. Preferably Latin Lovers, with a hint of an exotic accent, a passionate temperament, self-assured/alpha types basically. I mean, who doesn't want to be swept off their feet weather they like it or not?

I never thought I could have an "old-world" romance... but it turns out you can... In order to combine fantasy and real life, the trick is to surround yourself with the right sort of people, who have similar sensibilities to yourself regarding romance... then your spot will always be hit, so to speak. You will always have people to undersand you, and engage in the things that make you happy.

Reality and fantasy don't always have to be separate entities... this only depends on what risks you are willing to take to achieve your fantasies... a leap of faith really. To make your dreams come true, you have to believe in them. If you are cynical, you'll always have something in the back of your mind saying this is silly, and you will inevitably sabotage yourself.

Real life can easily win, if you go with the flow, and you allow for the possibilty for anything and everything to happen... once I've been able to do that, I have found that things even beyond my wildest fantasies are able to occur. You have to sort of invite them first. Human beings have a wonderful imagination, and people are often able to show you such wonderful things. To get to this point, a person needs to get outside of their own head, use some objectivity, and understand that the world has the capacity to be even more colourful than it is in their own mind.

I have always lived with this motto when it comes to what people can achieve in their own lives: "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy". Hamlet. Shakespeare. This is so true, I find myself thinking, quite often, I'm glad I allowed that to happen, I never dreamed it could turn out this way...

 

[Deckerd]

Romance is your husband getting the hots for you after 18 years of marriage.

 

[Timofnine]

Romance is your husband getting the hots for you after 18 years of marriage.

Wow, is that how long it took him to realise?

 

[iguana_tonante]

How do you like your romance?

Absentees easily seem perfect, whether they be totally unreal or a partner in a long-distance relationship - and everything in between, like online only long-distance sweethearts.

It's hard to confront those dreams with reality. Do you prefer your love interest real? How do you reconcile the usual fantasy with real life? How does one let real life win? It's so much more trouble...

Real. I don't care for fantasy land romance. I want the adrenaline rushes, the sweetness, the rudeness, the kisses on the noses, the farts in bed, the laughs during sex, the fights, the routine, even the heartaches. I can just say I'm one of those lucky guys that have what they want. Love is not beautiful. But, it's wonderful. And I've still got the hots for her after 11 years, last 2 being semi-long distance (i work in another city, so we see each other during the weekends).

 

[Jadzia]

How do you like your romance?

Absentees easily seem perfect, whether they be totally unreal or a partner in a long-distance relationship - and everything in between, like online only long-distance sweethearts.

It's hard to confront those dreams with reality. Do you prefer your love interest real? How do you reconcile the usual fantasy with real life? How does one let real life win? It's so much more trouble...

I think the appeal of online/long distance relationships is that you don't see the negatives as sharply. There is so little interaction/communication really (there is no body language or observation of bad habits), that you end up filling in a lot the content with rose tinted assumption.

That makes for a nice fantasy, but it'd be a strange thing to call a relationship. The whole point of relationships is life-sharing, and you just can't do that if you're in different countries.

I prefer real-life augmented with fantasy. Real life is the foundation, but in itself it can be pretty dull. Fantasy is where the joy is.

 

[An Officer]

Would anybody actually meet somebody online, decide they are the one overnight, and bring in the moving van? That's crazy! You can meet someone online, but you need to get to know them in person, spend weeks at a time regularly living in close quarters over a long period of time. A few practice runs if you will... You need to talk about your respective world views and habits, who will do which house chores, who will pay which bills... will there be children? Who doesn't mind taking out the trash... All these things, big and small, need many months to be observed, worked out... each person needs to decide what they can live with, where a compromise can be reached, or indeed, which matters might be a potential deal-breaker.

If all of these above measures have been discussed, and you've taken time to make up your mind what you are happy with, I don't see how it matters where you met the damn person, people can meet anywhere. As long as you approach the situation as sensibly as you would if you had met someone in a local cafe, you can minimise the risks.

A person does not necessarily have to exlude the possibility of love, just because they met someone online, or because that person lives in another country. That is just cynical, and for some, perhaps a little fearful and closed-minded/lazy too. No one says your perfect partner is necessarily going to live in the next street. Things aren't always going to be handed to you on a platter. Sometimes you need to work (and work hard) towards having exactly the right thing for you.

 

[Elmo Dukat]

~

Would anybody actually meet somebody online, decide they are the one overnight, and bring in the moving van? That's crazy! You can meet someone online, but you need to get to know them in person, spend weeks at a time living in close quarters over a long period of time. A practice run if you will... You need to talk about your respective world views and habits, who will do which house chores, who will pay which bills... will there be children? Who doesn't mind taking out the trash... All these things, big and small, need many months to be observed, worked out... each person needs to decide what they can live with, where a compromise can be reached, or indeed, which matters might be a potential deal-breaker.

QFT!

SPOCKED and I met online --- through the medium of a humble messageboard called TrekBBS --- and knew "of" each other for a year, talking in lounges, some PMs, etc before it ever started going anywhere. And I don't think I would have been interested in anything beyond PMing unless he lived reasonably close by, which he did. I like romance, and I think romance can bloom without meeting, but I'm also practical: if I have romantic feelings, I want to follow up on them!

We started calling each other, just for the hell of it, not because we were particularly interested at first. However, that's how we really found out that we were interested. After a few weeks of calling, I visited him in Cape Cod, and within a couple of months I was moving in. Fast, surely, but it worked out very well. We now have a house together, and we're getting married in May, 2009.

 

[An Officer]

Re: ~

^ And if yours isn't an honest to goodness, committed love story, I don't know what is. We've all seen that you've faced challenges together, quite testing ones which might have broken up a weaker relationship, and you've come through it together. That's a considerable achievement, it was probably a very hard time, which you're no doubt still recovering from... Don't forget to pat yourselves on the back, you deserve it! Yours is just as legitimate and beautiful a love story as a pair who had met through friends at a dull conventional wedding reception/house-warming party.

And, are we invited to your nuptials or what? I want to bring the TMP soundtrack for us all to dance to...

 

[Elmo Dukat]

Re: ~

^ And if yours isn't an honest to goodness, committed love story, I don't know what is. We've all seen that you've faced challenges together, quite testing ones which might have broken up a weaker relationship, and you've come through it together. That's a considerable achievement, you went through a very hard time, which you're no doubt still recovering from... Don't forget to pat yourselves on the back, you deserve it. Yours is just as legitimate and beautiful a love story as a pair who had met through friends at a dull conventional house-warming party.

And, are we invited to your wedding or what?

I have yet to send out the Save the Dates! Yikes, I'm so behind

Thanks, An Officer, you're very sweet. It's true that SPOCKED and I have had our share of tests, environmentally and personally. But we share a common vision --- a common belief about the meaning of our present, past, and future. And we're both very supportive of each other. And of course, we share the same political, religious, and life philosophies --- not that that is necessary, but it reduces friction in certain areas!

 

[Mr Awe]

How do you like your romance?
Do you prefer your love interest real?

Why, Ria, you and I are having a great time in my fantasyland! I hope it's good for you too!

Mr Awe

 

[Kestra]

Chatting and falling in love with someone over MSN or the like just seems weird to me for various reasons. The main reason being that it's inpersonal, it's too easy to chat to someone and put on an act. Most peoples online personas are totally different to their 'real selves'. You are not falling in love with the person, but with an 'avatar' of that person, a fantasy.

I think that might hold more true for situations where two people haven't interacted for a significant amount of time. But it seems like it would be difficult to put on an act over a long period of time or many interactions.

 

[Jadzia]

How do you like your romance?
Do you prefer your love interest real?

Why, Ria, you and I are having a great time in my fantasyland! I hope it's good for you too!

Mr Awe

You're reminding me of Reg Barkley now

 

[Hermiod]

^Reg Barclay's imagination sucked. God knows what would have happened to him if he'd ever met Quark.

 

[kimc]

I prefer the real deal.

 

[blablover5]

The real deal is so much better, because in fantasy land you don't break out into giggles when Mr. Perfect farts as the worst time.

 

[An Officer]

^ Just because it's not your habit to fantasise about farts, it doesn't mean there aren't those who do...

 

[Hermiod]

The real deal is so much better, because in fantasy land you don't break out into giggles when Mr. Perfect farts as the worst time.

You leave Curt Hennig out of this!

 

[blablover5]

^ Just because it's not your habit to fantasise about farts, it doesn't mean there aren't those who do...

Give it time, I am sure I will.

But you got to admit it's the cute little weird things another human being does that just make you laugh. Like putting socks on the table, or declaring war on a plant.