Dumped

[the 4th hanson bro]

If he helps her move, he's a chump. Move on.

I third that motion. Don't do it Apostle!!!

Nothing good can come from helping her move.

When dumping you, she lost the privilege of you keeping her safe.

You still care deeply for her but she pulled your heart out, stomped all over it, rolled it through the dirt, and then handed it back to you and said "so long".

It's like a bandaid, pull the thing off in one quick motion. It hurts the longer it takes to remove.

 

[Jenee]

Or we [men] might know that something is wrong in a general sense but not what is wrong in the specific.

NO. We can usually clue in when something is bothering you, but we're annoyed that you choose to lie about it and play games. We often don't have any idea WHAT the problem is. We're not mind-readers, and we don't like being treated like we're failing at something because of it.

Well, if you think hard enough, you can follow a trail ... not mad ... not mad ... not mad ... then this happened .. is mad.

Aha! so that's what she's upset about.

Doesn't take rocket science.

 

[SeerSGB]

Or we [men] might know that something is wrong in a general sense but not what is wrong in the specific.

NO. We can usually clue in when something is bothering you, but we're annoyed that you choose to lie about it and play games. We often don't have any idea WHAT the problem is. We're not mind-readers, and we don't like being treated like we're failing at something because of it.

Well, if you think hard enough, you can follow a trail ... not mad ... not mad ... not mad ... then this happened .. is mad.

Aha! so that's what she's upset about.

Doesn't take rocket science.

Unless it's something we don't know jack about. Wife goes to work happy everything is fine, wife comes home from work pissed off; is she mad at a customer, her supervisor, one of her coworkers? Which is it, sh's e saying "It's nothing don't worry about it". Then surprise, she's pissed at her cousin in Toronto for not responding to a e-mail she sent last week and just happened to think about it at work on her lunch.

So, no it as easy as following the trail.

 

[blablover5]

Why does it feel like I keep getting ignored lately?

I had a perfectly good example to prove that not just women play the "nothing" game but it's just passed right by everyone.

I need to wear flashier clothes.

 

[Emher]

^No no, I totally agree. I keep way to much stuff in and have played to much of the nothing game trough my years. I just finally realised some time ago that I just don't have energy for it and try to get stuff out in the open right away nowadays.

 

[SeerSGB]

Meh, just go through life like I do: Just say "fuck it, fight now or fight later, better to fight now" and just say what's on your mind and what's bothering you.

 

[JuanBolio]

Or we [men] might know that something is wrong in a general sense but not what is wrong in the specific.

NO. We can usually clue in when something is bothering you, but we're annoyed that you choose to lie about it and play games. We often don't have any idea WHAT the problem is. We're not mind-readers, and we don't like being treated like we're failing at something because of it.

Well, if you think hard enough, you can follow a trail ... not mad ... not mad ... not mad ... then this happened .. is mad.

Aha! so that's what she's upset about.

Doesn't take rocket science.

Unless you've got one of those girls who gets devastated when you forget to ask how her day was or something.

Why is it so hard for some women just to say what's bothering them, anyway? Why the games?

 

[Jenee]

I have a husband like that.

 

[Worf412]

That's a sign of serious emotional instability.

No, that's a sign of being a woman. They're wired different. To most (with exceptions, as shown in this thread), if we don't care enough to figure out what's wrong without them coming right out and saying it, then we don't care about the problem.

It makes sense to me, though I do the direct route like most men.

Speak your mind or don't, but don't act like nothing's wrong and then blow your stack with no warning.

There is usually ample warning. The multiple times she acted enough like something was up enough to make you say "what's wrong?"

 

[TheBrew]

Apostle look at it this way, it could have been worse. You could have went up to visit her in school and ended up catching her with another boyfriend.

Could be worse. She could have been doin' two dudes at the same time.

 

[Major Chord]

You have my sympathies apostle.

On one hand, you should be proud that the two of you are both intelligent enough to be able to argue about theological stuff and hold firm in your beliefs and values. On the other hand, in most cases of true love, I think the involved parties should also have the ability to accept what the other believes in, and be able to live with it, putting the good of the relationship, your partner, and yourself above religion, or at least on par with it.

Being an atheist myself, I feel that if the thoelogical beliefs that a person holds turns you off to them, then they aren't right for you anyway. I doubt I'll ever end up dating an atheist, and infact, some of my best friends are devout Catholics, but we get along so well because we understand not to push what we do/do not believe on one another. My stance is, if there is a God, fine, you have every right to believe in him/her, but just don't hastle me because I choose not to. If, someday, I see a big sign that a higher power being exists, then I may choose to believe differently. Likewise, I don't go around constantly telling people that there is no god, and that their beliefs are nonsense, because I really don't think that. Beliefs are an important part of a person's life, whether they are religious beliefs, or just believing in and putting faith in another person, or an ideal, or even humanity itself.

What I just said probably makes no sense, but hey, I confuse myself more often than I confuse others...

 

[FrontLine]

Why can't men pick up on subtle hints without a woman feeling the need to resort to an all out explosion?

I think the issue is that many of us do pick up on these things. Then we ask whats wrong, then we get the 'nothing at all ' answer. Wash, rinse, repeat until she finally blows her stack.

Oh please I get the same thing from my guy. He clams up a lot and I have to pry it out of him. Luckily I can figure out when he's in a pissy mood.

I just tell him that he looks like he needs a juice box and a nap.

I cant disagree with you at all. Some guys are just as stupid about this. But Im consoling the man right now. One lesson at a time

If you know there's something wrong, why act stupid and say 'what's wrong?' Just address the issue.

You know what's wrong. You just want her to be the one to bring it up so you can say 'oh, that! that means nothing.'

No, actually , despite popular belief, men dont have the amazing telepathic powers that women have. Sure we can pick up that something is wrong, but to be honest 99.9999999% we wont know what. That's why we ask.

 

[Puritan]

Why can't men pick up on subtle hints without a woman feeling the need to resort to an all out explosion?

I think the issue is that many of us do pick up on these things. Then we ask whats wrong, then we get the 'nothing at all ' answer. Wash, rinse, repeat until she finally blows her stack.

Oh please I get the same thing from my guy. He clams up a lot and I have to pry it out of him. Luckily I can figure out when he's in a pissy mood.

I just tell him that he looks like he needs a juice box and a nap.

Why does it feel like I keep getting ignored lately?

I had a perfectly good example to prove that not just women play the "nothing" game but it's just passed right by everyone.

I need to wear flashier clothes.

I think one of the differences (and I can't speak for everyone, but at least in my experience) is that when women are mad and say "it's nothing," they want men to be able to figure it out and address the issue, and get annoyed when men can't, or don't try. Men, by contrast (or at least me, haha), when they are in a "nothing" mood, really do want to clam up and not discuss it; in fact it's sometimes annoying that women try to pry and pry and keep pressing to find out what it is when the guy has already clearly stated that it's "nothing." So I think the respective "nothing" moods are a little different, and in both cases each side tries to do what they would want the other side to do to them if the situations were reversed, but it doesn't work out that way.

 

[Misfit Toy]

Or we [men] might know that something is wrong in a general sense but not what is wrong in the specific.

NO. We can usually clue in when something is bothering you, but we're annoyed that you choose to lie about it and play games. We often don't have any idea WHAT the problem is. We're not mind-readers, and we don't like being treated like we're failing at something because of it.

Well, if you think hard enough, you can follow a trail ... not mad ... not mad ... not mad ... then this happened .. is mad.

Aha! so that's what she's upset about.

Doesn't take rocket science.

Unless it's something we don't know jack about. Wife goes to work happy everything is fine, wife comes home from work pissed off; is she mad at a customer, her supervisor, one of her coworkers? Which is it, sh's e saying "It's nothing don't worry about it". Then surprise, she's pissed at her cousin in Toronto for not responding to a e-mail she sent last week and just happened to think about it at work on her lunch.

So, no it as easy as following the trail.

I've got to agree. I've been married for almost 24 years - I've gotten in trouble for things that I've done in my wife's dreams.

Seriously. Went to bed - no problems. Wake up - she's mad because she dreamt that I ignored her.

 

[Jenee]

I've got to agree. I've been married for almost 24 years - I've gotten in trouble for things that I've done in my wife's dreams.

Seriously. Went to bed - no problems. Wake up - she's mad because she dreamt that I ignored her.

I laugh because I've done the same damn thing. But, damn it, he was acting normal in my dream, so it's not as if the situation is entirely unthinkable - and, because he probably would do it, then yes, I'm mad at him.



yes, it is lunacy.

 

[SeerSGB]

Well, if you think hard enough, you can follow a trail ... not mad ... not mad ... not mad ... then this happened .. is mad.

Aha! so that's what she's upset about.

Doesn't take rocket science.

Unless it's something we don't know jack about. Wife goes to work happy everything is fine, wife comes home from work pissed off; is she mad at a customer, her supervisor, one of her coworkers? Which is it, sh's e saying "It's nothing don't worry about it". Then surprise, she's pissed at her cousin in Toronto for not responding to a e-mail she sent last week and just happened to think about it at work on her lunch.

So, no it as easy as following the trail.

I've got to agree. I've been married for almost 24 years - I've gotten in trouble for things that I've done in my wife's dreams.

Seriously. Went to bed - no problems. Wake up - she's mad because she dreamt that I ignored her.

Try being me dude, "Mister no mental filter and don't know when to keep his mouth shut" :laugh:

"What was that dear, you want HONEST opinion about what I think about your best-friend?"

Quickly followed by: "I told you, don't ask for an honest opinion if you don't want one."

 

[hellsgate]

I agree with everyone here. But, just to add my $0.02, make sure you know the number of your local police & specifically ask for a restraining order. Keep it on speed-dial.

Keep a notebook with a pen/pencil on a string/elastic, to note the time & date of every call from your ex. Make sure you can record the entire length of ALL your phone calls & give the recordings on cassette or on DVD as an ".MP3", to your local constables. (Unfortunately,) you're the one who has to satisfy a burden of proof if your ex tries to sleaze her way back into your life.

Being able to blackmail your ex into leaving you alone is kind of a thrill, when she realizes just how quickly her new hubby / fuck-buddy & his/her family will turf her out on her ass if (the new lover in her life) hears the (numerous) guilt-pounding messages she's left on your voicemail before/during/after their wedding, et al.

Ex's are famous for using the "nice guy" as a buffer so they don't have to be alone, as a "safety net" in the event their stud/fuck-buddy doesn't work out.

 

[hellsgate]

Oh, & ladies...if you don't want kids...say so. Asking for a vasectomy isn't going to land you back in the singles scene. Forcing your partner into abstinence, cutting them off from daydreaming with you & pumping religious guilt down your soon-to-be-ex's-throat (instead of dealing with the consequences of being honest about your feelings about parenthood,) to keep the chance of pregnancy at bay, however, WILL.

 

[grabmygoblin]

I wouldn't help her move, but do leave lines of communication open. it sucks when an ex completely cuts you off, whether they dumped you or you dumped them. there may never be that same connection you once had, and most likely won't, but you likely can still remain friends once you've both had time to lick your wounds.

my sympathies, no matter who you are and who you love, break-ups always hurt.

 

[Hoser]

My heart is broken. From the amount of bawling she has done, her heart is broken. She honestly believes this is irreconcilable.

I don't know why? It's not like it's something that keeps someone out of salvation, it's just a difference of opinion. Unless you're going the whole free will vs. predestination deal....
It sounds more like you guys had communication problems, and there's other things that are plaguing her, but she took the obvious one and made that the fulcrum.

I agree with everyone here when they say don't go helping her move. You run the risk of turning into the friend instead of the love interest, and if your feelings don't change for her that will suck....madly. If she doesn't start coming back now, don't wait at beck and call for it to happen. She cut it, let her repair it if need be. Anything more and risk either being scary stalker or nice friend only.

You probably should go out and do some target shooting, or hunting for that matter. Call some friends up and do something. Don't grieve too long, it'll lead to obsession. The pain will subside in time, it's not instant....of course I'm saying all this like it's your first dumping, Iohknow, you could know all this already.

Good luck.