@Samhain Who Cares so sorry for all the losses grief and grieving is hard take your time with your feelings in the mindful moments of sadness.
Mental Wellness Support Group
- Thread starter Twilight Phoenix
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Interesting. I like that serenity prayer. Reminds me very much of what I try to teach clients when I work with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy framework. As well as my own need to accept things.I am healing my childhood traumas and my adult traumas too with the 12 step program called ACA the only 12 step program that addresses and heals traumas. this link https://adultchildren.org/wp-content/uploads/Literature/ACA_is_EN-US_LTR.pdf is a pdf with information about what ACA is-but these traits(the Laundry list) of an ACA person is what I am working to eliminate and heal from the childhood traumas-
The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic or Adult Child raised in family dysfunction -
Tony A., 1978
- We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
- We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
- We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
- We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
- We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
- We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
- We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
- We became addicted to excitement.
- We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”
- We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
- We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
- We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
- Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
- Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
Note: The Laundry List serves as the basis for The Problem statement.
I have most of these traits if not all of them-- from my dysfunctional childhood upbringing -- ACA helps me change --- but yeah I don't have to change it is just suggested by them--- like everything-
https://adultchildren.org/. the link to where all the information is listed-
I go to these meetings as often as I can--- If you think this change is needed in your life we will help you so just go to https://adultchildren.org/ or PM me about these things-
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Good for you and I sincerely mean that. It is important to practice self-care as you grieve.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, @Samhain Who Cares .
Meme humor.. This was me for a long time mmm like 45 years of suicide thoughts my psychiatrist knew that as an every visit thing about 5 years ago the suicidal thoughts stopped.. It was 3 to 4 times a week all night suicidal ideation.. Month to month, year to year, decade to decade.. It's wonderful for that to be over now..
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you have family and friends to lean on. **HUGS**
Some of those are far too familiar.
How do you explain to those around you that things are getting really bad? I deal with seasonal depression on the regular, but something really traumatic happened to me exactly year ago that’s been amplifying my mental health issues. I don’t want to go into gritty detail because it’s still really hard for me to talk about, but it’s really broken my trust in people and has really closed me off from the folks in my life because it happened at the hands of someone I trusted with my life.
I can tell it’s getting bad because I’m forgetting to eat and shower, and generally take care of myself. Whenever I’m home I just sit in the dark or pace, zoning out and not realizing how much time has passed. I’m constantly in a mental fog, I’m even more forgetful than I already was since I deal with severe memory loss. My hair is falling out, I’m literally getting sick from being in such a low state. My coping mechanisms are unhealthy as well, since I withdraw from the people around me and work myself to death to try and keep me busy so I don’t waste my time in the day pacing or sitting and not doing anything.
Every time I try to tell people what’s going on with me, either I chicken out or my mind totally blanks and I physically can’t tell people what’s bothering me. I also don’t want to trauma dump on people, what happened to me was gruesome and l would rather not relive it or put that onto someone.
I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or a place to vent, if I’m honest. Eventually I’ll be able to tell someone, I guess, I’m just thoroughly exhausted at this point.
I can tell it’s getting bad because I’m forgetting to eat and shower, and generally take care of myself. Whenever I’m home I just sit in the dark or pace, zoning out and not realizing how much time has passed. I’m constantly in a mental fog, I’m even more forgetful than I already was since I deal with severe memory loss. My hair is falling out, I’m literally getting sick from being in such a low state. My coping mechanisms are unhealthy as well, since I withdraw from the people around me and work myself to death to try and keep me busy so I don’t waste my time in the day pacing or sitting and not doing anything.
Every time I try to tell people what’s going on with me, either I chicken out or my mind totally blanks and I physically can’t tell people what’s bothering me. I also don’t want to trauma dump on people, what happened to me was gruesome and l would rather not relive it or put that onto someone.
I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or a place to vent, if I’m honest. Eventually I’ll be able to tell someone, I guess, I’m just thoroughly exhausted at this point.
First, be kind to yourself. Rest. Don't worry about anything that isn't taking care of yourself right now.
You mentioned work. Does your employer have an Employee Assistance Program? If so, call them. If not, see what mental health services are available in your area for immediate needs.
The ability to talk to someone objective has saved my life.
You mentioned work. Does your employer have an Employee Assistance Program? If so, call them. If not, see what mental health services are available in your area for immediate needs.
The ability to talk to someone objective has saved my life.
I had - unrealistically, I know - hoped that drugs & therapy & exercise would mean no more depressive episodes. Not so much.
Some of it is probably actually allowing myself to feel my feelings. I need to remember to be kind to myself. And that "it's a marathon, not a sprint."
Some of it is probably actually allowing myself to feel my feelings. I need to remember to be kind to myself. And that "it's a marathon, not a sprint."
So, I've been lurking in here for weeks. A lot of what folks go through... well, let's just say while no two cases are ever the same, I can absolutely relate.
I don't have anything to add at the moment. I have bouts of depression, anxiety, and fun times with PTSD, but my life is honestly in the best place it's ever been overall. Nothing's as dire for me as it once was, and I suspect that will not hold true forever, but for now, it's a relief.
But going forward, I'm going to try to help out a bit in here if and when I can. I've seen a lot of myself in some of these posts, as I imagine many of us do.
I don't have anything to add at the moment. I have bouts of depression, anxiety, and fun times with PTSD, but my life is honestly in the best place it's ever been overall. Nothing's as dire for me as it once was, and I suspect that will not hold true forever, but for now, it's a relief.
But going forward, I'm going to try to help out a bit in here if and when I can. I've seen a lot of myself in some of these posts, as I imagine many of us do.
Things to remember when depressed. I like this one.
First of all, be kind to yourself. Getting it out of you, either writing it, talking about it, seeing a professional, whatever it takes, to get it outside of your brain. Otherwise, especially with depression, we tend to ruminate over the negative again and again.
Second, you don't owe any one any explanations. If you are not doing well then that's all that you need to say. Being depressed is an illness. So, you can legitimately say you are sick. As others noted asking if your Employer has as a Employee Assistance Program or finding a mental health provider is important. And nowadays telehealth and such are just as available as in person.
I hope you find a way to manage with the current struggles. Seasonal depression sucks.
Ditto on writing. Journaling has been a huge help.
just reminded me I needed to journal - I wrote a lot today and yesterday but I have been journaling everyday --- daily since oct 14th only missing oct 15th --- the only day since then- OMG I am never like that If I make a month OMG wow,.. we will see so I snuck in the journal with a few sentences there just now- for today- we will see if tomorrow holds till the 14th-
Journaling was one the tools the doctor suggested at the mindfulness seminar I took a few years ago, especially when it comes to practicing gratitude. Find three things that you're grateful for each day.
Re-registered with a charity that provides alcohol counselling and inpatient rehab a few days ago. I registered earlier this year and backed out when they offered me a place at a rehab facility but I'm not going to do that this time. I finally told my two oldest friends a few days ago about it and they have been amazing and will help me see it through this time with my family who have always been there for me but who I'm causing so much heartache. I'm starting to be more determined about it and keeping notes of everything I drink and units so I can work at bringing it down gradually over the next few months. Drinking glasses of water in-between each alcoholic drink and thinking about other distractions like learning a new language and going to church. I broke a toe a few weeks ago when I accidentally kicked a kitchen unit in bare feet after one too many. I didn't realise it was broken until my foot turned purple on Wednesday and I called an ambulance because I thought it was sepsis. I've been crying at random because I know what is coming and part of me still doesn't want to face a life of sobriety and all the tough times to come to get there but the other part of me knows it's the only option left. It's like that scene in Superman with bad Superman and good Superman.
Creativity is a big help for me. Writing, drawing and otherwise being artistically creative is an outlet that gives me strength when I'm very depressed and anxious and that is often, especially in the wake of losing a family member or pet.
Thank-you Commander Troi, you are very kind. *HUGS*
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