Mental Wellness Support Group

[Steven P Bastien]

my adult role models as a child were mostly interested in drinking drugging and partying raising children was not on that list --- so I ended up watching the reruns in the 70's when ever star trek was on..

That's a good point. I was fortunate to have mostly good adult role models in my life. The one bad one was my father who left when I was 8. But, by leaving he made it so obvious that he was the bad guy and so he was the role model of what not to be.

But still, I think watching TOS was providing additional good role models for me. The only problem is that sometimes when I debate with people, I take on either the McCoy persona or the Spock persona, and either way there is the strong risk of sliding down the slippery slope and becoming a bickering pain in the other person's neck.

 

[think]

with my childhood trauma, I am still healing from - these things are just reminders of what that trauma did to me...

 

[Commander Troi]

Damn. Some of those are really familiar.

 

[think]

I am healing my childhood traumas and my adult traumas too with the 12 step program called ACA the only 12 step program that addresses and heals traumas. this link https://adultchildren.org/wp-content/uploads/Literature/ACA_is_EN-US_LTR.pdf is a pdf with information about what ACA is- but these traits(the Laundry list) of an ACA person is what I am working to eliminate and heal from the childhood traumas-

The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic or Adult Child raised in family dysfunction -

1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
8. We became addicted to excitement.
9. We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”
10. We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

Tony A., 1978

Note: The Laundry List serves as the basis for The Problem statement.

I have most of these traits if not all of them-- from my dysfunctional childhood upbringing -- ACA helps me change --- but yeah I don't have to change it is just suggested by them--- like everything-

https://adultchildren.org/. the link to where all the information is listed-

I go to these meetings as often as I can--- If you think this change is needed in your life we will help you so just go to https://adultchildren.org/ or PM me about these things-

 

[Commander Troi]

Thank you, honey. I like that version of the serenity prayer.

I am currently (finally!) in therapy and it's been helping a ton. But I've barely touched on my insane family, so these are some things to think about.

 

[think]

Thank you, honey. I like that version of the serenity prayer.

I am currently (finally!) in therapy and it's been helping a ton. But I've barely touched on my insane family, so these are some things to think about.

great--- My therapy today went 58 minutes long --- but was so good--- all about the types of control people do-- to others --- or the way I try to fix everything perfect including people --- and my working to stop doing that as I can barely fix myself and change me when I really need to---

an image from the past that @Ghouleddie74 posted 3 years ago on instagram --- I wonder if he remembers posting this?

 

[cooleddie74]

I sort of do.

 

[Commander Troi]

I sort of do.

I'm loving your October sig file.

My ADHD test came back negative, but shows I have anxiety, so that image is remarkably relevant. I started an anti-anxiety med yesterday.

 

[Malicia]

Watching After Life reminded me of someone I met at uni in 1997 and only knew him for a few months because I dropped out and can't even remember his name. We were both on the same course and became friends through our love of music. He was an MC and could turn a party when he took the mic so was always good to be around. He took heroin and made no secret of it to everyone on the course so it became normal for him to go off and do a hit and when he came back he would be aggressive and paranoid with glazed over eyes. It was sad to see but it went on because we were all too young to know what to do about it. Most people like me knew about weed, acid and ecstasy but heroin was another level.

After Life reminded me about him and how we used to play one on one basketball together in the sports hall at uni (Melton Mowbray college). He was a big guy and could be intimidating especially when he was high but when he wasn't he was the nicest person and I could tell he liked me and talking about 90s dance music together. We would play basketball until we were both drenched.

One time I asked him to get heroin for me and he didn't outright refuse but I could tell it wasn't something he was comfortable with. It never happened and I thank him for that.

 

[think]

Watching After Life reminded me of someone I met at uni in 1997 and only knew him for a few months because I dropped out and can't even remember his name. We were both on the same course and became friends through our love of music. He was an MC and could turn a party when he took the mic so was always good to be around. He took heroin and made no secret of it to everyone on the course so it became normal for him to go off and do a hit and when he came back he would be aggressive and paranoid with glazed over eyes. It was sad to see but it went on because we were all too young to know what to do about it. Most people like me knew about weed, acid and ecstasy but heroin was another level.

After Life reminded me about him and how we used to play one on one basketball together in the sports hall at uni (Melton Mowbray college). He was a big guy and could be intimidating especially when he was high but when he wasn't he was the nicest person and I could tell he liked me and talking about 90s dance music together. We would play basketball until we were both drenched.

One time I asked him to get heroin for me and he didn't outright refuse but I could tell it wasn't something he was comfortable with. It never happened and I thank him for that.

I had mom's heroin at 11 years old. She would supplement her pain killers for her cancer with heroin. She was also addicted to it. One morning she was passed out with her cooking spoon full next to her. I thought it was unused cough syrup and I like cough syrup at 11 years old didn't think anything of just finishing her medicine.. Spent the next week or more in the hospital enemas 4 times a day and intestinal exams and stuff. I didn't know what was happening.. I was sent home to have suppositories to put in my butt by dad .. Leading to dad eventually insesting me for the punishment times at the end of beatings.. When I remembered that this happened at 45 years old. I was very very angry at my dad .. I have come to forgive him.. Still the pain was incredibly bad and I can't relax really in any situation from the childhood traumas.. Lots of therapy all my life..

 

[Commander Troi]

@Evil :::HUGS:::

 

[think]

I am finding sometimes I get to relax.. Maybe when I finally get to sleep..

To view this content we will need your consent to set third party cookies.
For more detailed information, see our cookies page.

Accept third party cookies

 

[HappyMcWonderful]

Hunh.

Came to discuss Lower Decks, found this.

Think I'm going to like it here...

 

[think]

Welcome again @HappyMcWonderful excellent name for yourself.. lots of self-esteem going on with happy McWonderful --- enjoy life.

 

[HappyMcWonderful]

HappyMcWonderful is my end goal.

Right now I'm Manic-Depressive VonPanicAttack. AKA "EVERYTHING IS AMAZING WAIT NO IT ALL SUCKS OMG *sirens, flailing* (Ativan kicks in)"

Yes I'm poking fun of my situation. I'm at a point where I can look at it and go "this would be fucking hilarious if I was a fictional character in a sitcom -- wait maybe I am... ah crap no I'm not."

Getting there!

 

[Gryffindorian]

I lost my mom yesterday, precisely eight months after my oldest sister died of Covid in February (who predeceased my dad by 10 days). My mom was 82. She'd had dementia for over two years and had been mentally declining, although she was still alert and coherent to some extent. Although she was put on hospice two weeks ago, I didn't expect her to leave so soon. There's relief in knowing she passed away peacefully at home, surrounded by her family.

I feel as if a part of me also died. My family and friends are the source of my strength right now. I practice mindfulness every day, and it keeps me grounded during this difficult time.

 

[Worf factor9]

I lost my mom yesterday, precisely eight months after my oldest sister died of Covid in February (who predeceased my dad by 10 days). My mom was 82. She'd had dementia for over two years and had been mentally declining, although she was still alert and coherent to some extent. Although she was put on hospice two weeks ago, I didn't expect her to leave so soon. There's relief in knowing she passed away peacefully at home, surrounded by her family.

I feel as if a part of me also died. My family and friends are the source of my strength right now. I practice mindfulness every day, and it keeps me grounded during this difficult time.

I fully understand the pain of dementia and care taking.

Dad went 4 1/2 years ago, Mom is still here @ 87 but it is a continuing struggle... with constant patience.

I wish you peace and solace in your grief.

 

[Avro Arrow]

My symapthies for your loss, @Samhain Who Cares .

 

[USS Firefly]

I am sorry for your loss @Samhain Who Cares

 

[HappyMcWonderful]

Sorry for your loss. The end of life is inevitable but it always hits so hard.