Some will say that suicide is ultimately selfish and narcissistic, but I see it as neither. It is the final option of a worn out and abused psyche. A good tool to reset perspective is to imagine the horror of those closest to you going through your most personal and embarrassing things without context. These will end up being your legacy. Yikes!! Maybe don't wanna do that... Failure as measured by whom? If you are being the best person you can be, and help anyone in even a small way, then you have NOT failed. You shouldn't be mindful of others definition of success, but of what makes you feel better about yourself. Try doing random acts of kindness, even in small ways. This will do wonders for your self-esteem, even while others sneer at you for it. Whose failure is that? Be careful of the meds. Even small changes can be devastating. I watched my ex-wife do that and it wasn't very helpful. (She is bipolar in the extreme.) And Scribble, you're welcome. This is something swept under the rug for too long, and I would thank you for your courage and desire to help others.
I feel like a failure because I don't feel like I matter to anyone. I don't have a wife or any children. I don't have a job that helps anyone or even performs a basic function in society. I do think I am kind to people but to me that is normal behavior to be expected from all people. If I die other people will still be around to offer kindness to others. Granted I sometimes have moments of hope but they don't always last. Still I am afraid of death so I have noticed that I sometimes feel like I am trying to get around that fear with more subtle ways of killing myself. When I drove a route and nobody was around I would sometimes close my eyes for a moment and hope I would crash. Also the way I treat food reminds me of Nick Cage in that movie "Leaving Las Vegas." I feel like I continue to overeat in hopes it might kill me in the long run much like he did with his plans to go to Vegas and drink himself to death. Jason
That's where the random acts come in. Whatever kindness you extend will matter to that person, maybe in a life changing way. You will have made their day. Give a homeless person a sandwich and a fiver and watch their face. When they realize you are sincere, it's great! Do it every day, and you will matter to more and more people. It can be its own kind of therapy. Most people are NOT kind and look at kindness and empathy with disdain, a fault not a virtue. That's why that homeless person will be suspicious at first. If you are kind, then you're doing better than a lot of "successful" folk and take solace in that. We can't lose kind people to the greed and cynicism that is so prevalent in today's world.
In my experience, both as a patient and professionally, psychiatric meds are carefully regulated and not many prescribers that I have met will randomly refill those scripts without an evaluation. Depending on the situation, sometimes a brief phone call explaining the situation can provide some support, because professionals want to make sure the meds are doing their job than to keep filling scripts. I've been on anti-depressants long enough to know that any changes can be extremely uncomfortable, at best.
Yep, even my naltrexone prescription doesn't get refilled without my primary care physician seeing me.
Which, professionally speaking is absolutely on the money. All psychiatric medications should be monitored closely, both in terms of their efficacy and side effects. The problem comes when the system places that professionalism in conflict with financial concerns. In @Scribble's case her doctor will not re-prescribe without seeing her, but in turn will not see her without her paying off a previous bill, effectively placing her in a position where she is held to ransom with her own well being.
That's where I look for agencies with a sliding scale, as well as hospitals and urgent cares who will not turn you away based upon ability to pay. I know that technically mental health professionals are bound by a similar commitment, which is why I suggested contacting the billing office to see what possibilities exist out there for financial support. Many times medical professionals have writes offs built in to their budget.
I use to get my medicine for free when I lost my job from the state mental health community. Once I got on disability my insurance paid for it. Also I know my regular doctor has been able to prescribe refills for me when I haven't been able to go a appointment at the mental health center. Jason
Good luck to everyone on their treatment or management plan. Some words of wisdom: https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/mindfulness-quotes/
For reasons I don't care to get into right now, I'm living without meds again. I'm handling it much better this time, though. My ex is now called my housemate. They're still living here, though we've kind of come to an arrangement...mostly. I've begun to live my life as my life, and I'm much happier now. I still don't know who or what I really am (no, not schizophrenia or psychosis), but I'm working it all out. I'm about to start a business and that is keeping me going. I'm still yet to get into any sort of routine, but I'm modeling a lot more and it's helping my confidence. I don't think I'm bipolar, but at the moment I basically have this "I can do anything" attitude, and it's filling me with all sorts of hope. I certainly don't want to be an asshole or jerk, but I don't care as much what people think about me now, so I'm not being all paranoid and worrying about it. I realized that puts people off...like...a lot. A pitfall of having an abundance of empathy, I suppose. Shame, the world could use a whole lot more of that. Just doing my best for now and I hope to be self-sustaining soon. I just need to get over this "I'm gonna..." syndrome and actually accomplish things. I can, so I just need to do. If not, well, too bad for me. I just realized, also, that when I started this thread one of the only things I could think of, day and night, was that I wanted a cigarette. I haven't felt those cravings for at least a couple of months. Interesting. I'll file that away now.
Sadly, in my experience, people who haven't gone through depression - or other mental illness - don't understand, don't have much compassion, and usually think they have all the answers, or are somehow stronger or better because they were lucky enough not to be born with some kind of chemical imbalance. Often, they have their own mental problems but are also in denial. So, I've found the best thing I've done - in addition to seeking qualified professional help - is find good support groups where I can be surrounded by people who DO understand. In my group I've learned many techniques that really help me cope. There is NO one answer, so many different approaches are necessary.
I agree that people don't understand mental illness. My dad doesn't even have anything to do with me because I didn't get over depression fast enough, even though he has problems as well and takes medication. I also think med's might be overated. I take some but I am trying to find a better balance. I have one pill that knocks me out for hours and then I feel all groggley when I wake up for even more hourse so I simply stoped taking it but I still have problems with sleeping. I seem to only be able to sleep 3 or 4 hours at a time. It's also important to get exercise. I am doing that now and watching my calories which help. Jason
I used to go online to a chat room for people with head injuries. I have TBI in the past. But I have been most fortunate in any effects from them. Only tinnitus and sometimes slight balance issues. Lost IQ points but I used to be quite bright so even that wasn't a game killer. I hope you are doing better as this was posted quite a while back.
3/4 hours might be nice. Maybe. I wake up every two hours, for real, I could set my clock by it. But on the flip side about 95% of the time I fall back to sleep in like 5 minutes.
Much better, thank you: About the same, here. Wake up every couple of hours, but fall asleep again...on and on and on for 16-20 hours. Wake for 8-10, repeat.
Well, after my "8" hours of sleep I have to go to work. After work I take my 2 huskies for a walk, I don't watch regular TV except for The Orville right now. I watch older shows on DVD's. I also stay busy with my two hobbies, painting and fencing. I think physical activity is very important for physical health but also for mental health. I have a broken ankle right now and the physical inactivity is starting to bum me out. I am fortunate in that it seems from my father I inherited a very positive disposition. I think if a person can't do a physical activity a hobby is very important. It gives you chance to be outside yoursrlf and think about something else for a while. And if you are in a group situation, with conversations etc. it furthers that.
The family doctor I used to see would prescribe the same two antidepressants to everybody (or so I heard) as soon as you told him you were feeling depressed and anxious, without even pressing for much further info. That doesn't seem like the best approach. Kor
Have you tried sleep medicine to help you sleep? It can be effective at times but the issue is always about not want to relay on it. That is kind of where I am and I know that kind of thing didn't end well for Micheal Jackson. Jason
Or you could also try music to help you sleep. I'm a big fan of Liquid Mind for this express purpose.